If the Internet has brought some people closer, it has unfortunately separated others and in some cases even broken up marriages. Sometimes a bored wife finds an interesting person and decides that her relationship with her husband has gone stale. Through the Internet, she feels she has begun a meaningful and lively relationship. In such cases, the Internet has been the means of destroying relationships.

In the early days of Internet chatting, newspapers reported these break-ups. Now, however, such things have become so common that they hardly provoke any interest at all. They have now become another accepted fact of social life. Perhaps it all began in fun but the end result was anything but — broken marriages and unhappy people.

Recently, a young Pakistani housewife who had been in the Kingdom nine months ago returned to Karachi, leaving her husband behind. When she first arrived, things went very well but then her husband suddenly began coming home later than usual. He was spending extra time on the computer visiting chatrooms. Her protests failed to bring him home on time so she returned to Karachi. Luckily the conflict has not yet reached the stage of divorce and so there is a chance of reconciliation.

Not long ago an Indian couple who were addicted to chatting went from the Kingdom to the United States for a vacation. While there, the wife met one of her male chat friends, an Indian software engineer. The husband never suspected anything though his wife and her chat friend saw each other for almost three weeks. From the US, the couple went to India where the wife remained while the husband returned to the Kingdom. In a few weeks, the man received a letter from his wife; she was in Chicago and she wanted a divorce. She confessed that after the time she had spent with her chat friend, she wanted to marry him.

There have also been cases in which petty interests motivated people to leave their spouses and marry their chat friends. These interests include the lure of a green card for the United States or a UK work permit. The attraction of a Western lifestyle has also been the reason for many women leaving their husbands. A Pakistani accountant who had dreamed for years of migrating to the US found a single American mother on the Internet. Their cyber-relationship lasted for almost a year and the American woman wanted to marry. The accountant who had been married for five years went to the US and married his chat friend. He, however, was honest enough not to divorce his first wife and he admitted to his friends that he was marrying the American woman in order to get a green card.

It is beyond doubt that man by nature is not monogamous. At the same time, indulging in relationships based mainly on deception and dishonesty is no justification for anything. Similarly, when a woman forgets her marriage vows and leaves her husband for someone she knows only from an Internet chatroom, serious doubts are cast on her intelligence and integrity.

Internet chatting was originally to allow people to interact and learn about personal differences and differences in ways of living. The idea was to make the world what has been called a global village. It was not intended to break up marriages and destroy relationships. As we all know, this is what has happened. Is it not a misuse of the Internet and a reflection of the faults of Internet users?

If people make their choices to marry poorly in the first place, chances are, the majority of them will make a poor choice in the second, third, ....place, too.

That's pretty pessimistic. :-) Actually I don't think it is true on average. On the other hand, you seem to be saying, no matter how unhappy you are, stay there, because we can't guarantee you happiness elsewhere. Perhaps you shouldn't be asking me this. Perhaps you should seek out friends and relatives who've been divorced and see if they now view their first divorce and second marriage as a mistake. It is not my impression that very many want to go back to spouse #1.

"There is actually a large societal pressure to marry and stay married."

Sorry, I totally don't see that. Where do you? On television? No. In Music? No. Movies? No. The local clubs or bars? Nope. Even (in many) churches? Nope. I'm not meaning to be flippant, but if you see this I would appreciate being directed to the source.

I can't believe you don't feel (haven't felt) the pressure from relatives to get married, have kids, etc. Obviously friends and family have the most influence on us.

society should take a more serious stand on the value of this basic and foundationally important commitment.

Just what sort of enforcement or regulation are you referring to?

That's pretty pessimistic. :-) Actually I don't think it is true on average.

Not pessimistic, realistic. And I'm fairly sure it's not just the area I'm in, or the people I happen to know. I can just look up and down my street and see the reasons for calling this realistic.

Perhaps you should seek out friends and relatives who've been divorced and see if they now view their first divorce and second marriage as a mistake.

That's exactly where I'm getting my (what you call) pessimism. I've watched them, listened to them, held them as they cried, cringed when they went on to yet the next...

It is not my impression that very many want to go back to spouse #1.

Good impression.:-) They also don't go back to #2, etc. However, it's not always marriage, it's can just as well be "live-ins". But with that said, I've known some that have wanted to go back, but weren't able to, due to the pain and destruction in which they had allowed it to end. There are many instances where it's a case of not knowing how good they had it till they didn't have it anymore.

Perhaps you shouldn't be asking me this.

But I wasn't asking you anything. Except:
isn't it true that even "good marriages" have ups and downs, conflictual periods that, if handled wrong can make it "appear" to have been a "poor marriage" from the start?

And:
Better than what? What the relationship may be going through (and probably in need of being worked through) at the moment?

I meant these, not so much as questions, but more as points.

This one:At what point does it become "cheating"?
Was just a paraphrase of your earlier one.
What I am asking is when is it "cheating."

:) I can't believe you don't feel (haven't felt) the pressure from relatives to get married, have kids, etc. Obviously friends and family have the most influence on us.

Oh ho! You bet! But in the end, *I* am responsible for the choices that I make, even the ones I make under the pressure of others. Luckily family and friends are more apt to want you to marry right, whereas society as a whole somewhat winks and gives the implication that marraige falls under the catagory of, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again". I think this is very harmful.

Just what sort of enforcement or regulation are you referring to?

I make no references to enforcement or regulation of marriage. I only advocate the position that society not accept marriages as being as disposable as furniture you feel no longer fits in a room. In the past, marriage was held to a higher standard. Families and society were more stable as a result, and there was less need for "Daddy" government to "raise" the children through welfare.

On the other hand, you seem to be saying, no matter how unhappy you are, stay there, because we can't guarantee you happiness elsewhere.

Not at all. I'm just saying it's better to make darn sure you really have tried all the alternatives, all the possibilities of improving things (and sometimes that means just riding out a particularly stormy time with loyalty and commitment, until the skies clear again), rather than turning on a puter and taking the easy way of "chatting" with some new option. New relationships are exciting, and the incentive to work on the one that is not so "new and shiny" and happens to be taking some turbulance, drops to nil. If, in the end, the marriage is lost, take a breather till it's realized why (even if it means owning up that you make really lousy choices). The ones that go on to the more happy,fulfilling, and lasting second marriages have almost always gone through this time out first.

In an arbitrary sense of the word.

YES!

In the ONLY sense of the word.

When is cheating not "arbitrary?" Different people define their relationships differently.

Is it only cheating when it is straight-out heterosexual intercourse? Some join swingers clubs, are they "cheating" on their spouse if they sleep with another member of the club, if their spouse is being mounted by some other stranger at the same time? Is that "cheating," exactly?

Cheating is only what is defined by the participants in a relationship as "cheating." Unfortunately, sometimes different people in a relationship have a different idea of what exactly constitutes cheating, and they don't always sit down and discuss everything, which can lead to problems down the road. They just assume the other person has the same idea they do...

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