[PJ-Comix]

How funny the joke is often depends on the joke teller. My late great Uncle Marty was easily the best joke teller of all time. I'm not kidding. He was a bartender at an airport bar and travellers often made sure to stop at that airport just to go to the bar to hear Uncle Marty tell jokes. The jokes themselves were mostly written by Uncle Marty but his genius was in the delivery. Added to his verbal repertoire, Uncle Marty had at least 57 different obscene hand gestures.

BTW, Uncle Marty was also known as the bartender's bartender. With his slicked down hair, he looked every inch the bartender. So much so that he was often featured in bartender magazines.

Once Uncle Marty was driving us in the country. He was giving me a lecture on how to think up funny stories. He would say, "See that fence? See that cow? See that ditch? Right now make up a funny story about all three!" Of course, I couldn't but when I challenged him, Uncle Marty could always come up with a funny story. Soon afterwards, while we were passing a car on a two lane country road, we were run off the road by an oncoming car. Our car almost flipped over. Everybody was in a state of panic and we hardly stopped when Uncle Marty yelled at me, "QUICK! Make up a funny story about almost getting killed!"

[summer]

A joke some people think is really funny is this one:

First Man: "I hear you just had an accident."

Second Man: "Yes, it was pretty bad, but I collected $20,000, and my wife who was in the accident with me got $5,000."

First Man: "Did she get hurt?"

Second Man: "No, but I had the presence of mind to kick her in the face during the confusion."

[Revolting cat!]

"QUICK! Make up a funny story about almost getting killed!"

Now admit it! That the one you made up!

[Old Professer]

When my daughter was about 8 years old, we used to drive to Nevada to see my aunt (her adopted "grandma"); as we would pass the fields where cows were grazing I would ask her how many cows were in the field; she would say she didn't know and I would say something like 45 or 36 or 52 and she would ask how I knew, "It's easy, I would say, just count their legs and divide by four."

It wasn't until three years ago (she is 18 now) that I asked her if she remembered those times and she said she did, so I asked her if she thought she could count the legs and divide by four. She got a funny look on her face and she said, "You lied, didn't you?"

I confessed and told her it came from a old joke about the guy who was caught in front of a stampede and when he was found alive, reported on the size of the herd.

I'm not sure she has believed a thing I have told her since.

[brat]

WOW! That's some Uncle Marty you have there!

[TC Rider]

Uncle Marty?

[Darth Dan]

"QUICK! Make up a funny story about almost getting killed!"

Was your Uncle Marty's pen name Jack Handey?