BUY ME AS YOUR WIFE FOR A QUARTER MILLION POUNDS-24 Yr. old Blonde auctions Herself as Wife On Net

UK Morning Sun and Ananova.com ^ | Saturday December 15, 2001 | What Tomorrow's Papers Say Column

[PeaceBeWithYou]

Grrrr....100,000 pounds, you converted to dollars, but went the wrong direction... pounds to dollars=1.45410 or $145,410USD, perhaps you were thinking Canadian dollars?

[fhayek]

What a lot of women do not realize is that us guys are so superficial that we do not care what is fake or what is real.

[slimer]

Will you take cans in lieu of cash?

[karebare]

Not ski-wear.. ..But I might try that next. I do like to ski.

[karebare]

I've seen her picture now..I don't care how many pounds it is, I wouldn't touch that, if I was any man or even of a different sexual persuasion. She is not much.

[_Jim]

Not ski-wear.

Ahhh .. what was it - swimwear?

Utility belts?

You can tell me ... (or, maybe you can't?)

[Barnacle]

She’s not standing next to a mirror in that picture. This is a Siamese twin gig.

So, what’s the deal with the sister? I mean, is she going along with this deal or, does she have a separate auction going? These are things I want to know before making a bid.

[Barnacle]

Heck, I am a pretty 35 year old brunette, and wouldn't go any lower than 20 million to sell myself.

Before going a buck above ten million, how 'bout a picture.

[Archaeus]

hmmm...how bout 75 bucks for an hour

[_Jim]

I do like to ski.

Water ski or snow ski? How 'bout cross-country?

[karebare]

Water.I'm not real fond of clothes (in layers).

On the modeling it was hair. It's short now....But I haven't heard any complaints,except me, I like it in a pony tail!

[Ronin]

I'd demand a test ride before I plunk down the shekels.

[Gone_Postal]

Wife 1.0 Just Released

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you please help me !!!???

Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER

------------------------------------------------------------

Dear TROUBLED USER,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it's creator to run everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings- Alimony/Child support". I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal with the situation.

I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support

[LN2Campy]

B#tch ain't even a "true" blonde. For a quarter million pounds, the carpet's got to match the curtains.

[GussiedUp]

Her eyes are too close together to ever be considered much of a "beauty" - she best drop the price....

[LN2Campy]

Don't think of it as paying for the sex, it's really paying them to leave quickly afterward...

[The_Reader_David]

Hm, I wonder what the feminazis who like howling about "patriarchy" have to say about this. She's kept the concept of a brideprice, but instead of her father collecting it (and offering his daughter to the suitor who offers the best deal), she's set up on her own.