If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

JD86 | 12/06/01 | JD86

[JD86]

If you die tomorrow, what does your family need to know today? (Lawyer Needs Freeper Help)

I'm an attorney who helps clients with estate planning and other money matters, but I won't claim that I "know it all". I need Freeper advice.

I once had an elderly client who always told his family "When I die, everything you need is in the manila folder". When he died, we searched high and low but we never did find that folder. As a result, it took years to settle his estate.

That shouldn't happen. I am putting together a booklet for my clients - a checklist of sorts - to help them keep track of important family information.

I'm asking for your suggestions. What would you include in such a checklist?

First - the practical. Doctor's name, where's the will, your desires regarding any minor children ... what else?

Second - the emotional. Would you tell your children you are proud of them? To stop smoking? Dump their lousy mate? What else?

Is there anything you would change about what your parents did? Have you made a checklist yet? If so, what's on it?

Also, if you are incapacitated but don't die, what then?

I have a client who has all her medications listed and taped to the inside of her kitchen cabinet and all her family knows where to find it. Do you have any other ideas like that?

Thanks to all in advance for your suggestions. Please post or send me FreeperMail.

[JD86]

Even young people have lots of "stuff"...that's what I asked my sons....who do you want to have what?
I promise you they have some CDs that I would just as soon have live at someone else's house....:)

[JD86]

Forgive me for being skeptical, but if you practice estate work on a regular basis, then you ought to know what questions to ask. If you don't do that kind of work on a regular basis, then you shouldn't and have no need to ask the questions in the first place.

Thank you for sharing, one attorney to another. If you read past post #1 I think you will find I am not asking the FReepers legal questions. This discussion is to get everyone thinking about getting their house in order. And you will see that I always refer them to competent attorneys in their own states. In case you are really interested, instead of just being "skeptical", I have practiced law for many years and have handled estates of all sizes and even have my own little identification number with the IRS. No one else here is questioning my qualifications. Since by your own statement you do not practice estate law...perhaps you should read through the comments by the FReepers, you might learn something....including manners.

[falfa]

VA document stating date of service. VERY important for all things VA related.

[JD86]

Thanks for the reminder. Lots of us have WWII vets for parents and we need to ask them about this now, while they can still remember and help us find things we will need later.

[JD86]

If any of you are trying to send my FReepmail...for some reason I can't open my mail right now. I'll answer as soon as I can. Thanks.

[Labyrinthos]

I am not questioning you're qualifications or your sincerity. I realize now in rereading your post that you're basically asking the question to help other people, rather than educate yourself. As far as manners go, I helped a blind person cross the street today and I never chew with my mouth open.:-()

[dalebert]

Tell them to get their property in order. Clear titles without leins. Tell their kids the truth so there are no surprises. My husbands mother passed away last year. She left the daughter the cash and her son the property. He thought this was fair but later learned she had signed an agreement with someone 28 years earlier that will take years to fix and will cost half of what the estate is worth.She never mentioned this little piece of paper to her son or daughter.

[Humidston]

Speaking of granddaughters.... And IF you're not too busy helping others.... I wanted to add something about my granddaughter as well: I've started a notebook - a journal of sorts. I'm writing down where I was born, when, how, describing my home, my family/relatives, games we played, how innocent and uncomplicated and safe life was "back then."

Thought that would be a good historical memory of my life...

[falfa]

My mother, who died this past month, gave me and my father a wonderful gift as a child and I am intent on passing it along to my family. She told me that if she should die before my father, it would a wonderful COMPLIMENT to her if her remarried because it would mean he needed someone like her in his life.

That is such an incredibly simple and selfless gift to give your family. We all know situations where even adult children feel/act like the surviving parent is being "unfaithful" to the deceased parent if they remarry.

And, no, the sentiment did not change as she saw her death approaching. She would never have told my father this part, but she told me she expected him to move on with his life quickly but that she felt that handholding over the coffin was inappropriate. ;-) She never lost her sense of humor.

[zip]

. Since by your own statement you do not practice estate law...perhaps you should read through the comments by the FReepers, you might learn something....including manners.

Nicely stated.

[Tony in Hawaii]

This has been a really informative thread. I'm broke, single , and childless, but I don't plan to be that way forever.

[JD86]

Now if you could learn to read, then think, then type, you'd be great!....I've typed knee jerk comments in the past...no offense taken. And you are right to a degree, I have learned alot from this thread. People sharing real life experiences is always superior information to "book learning". It is always easier to avoid a hole than to get out of a hole...so I am really glad people are sharing with each other where the holes are. I hope you keep reading. I promise you will learn too.

[JD86]

Good advice. Open communication is always the best course.

[JD86]

It sounds like you had a wonderful Mother...and now wonderful memories. Thank you for sharing those memories with us.

[Gracey]

Since by your own statement you do not practice estate law...perhaps you should read through the comments by the FReepers, you might learn something....including manners.

Mr. Labyrinthos, what would your comment be, to ME?? This person, attorney or not, has influenced me in thinking about my need to put my "house" in order, before I DIE. I've always thought that I'd never die so I've been procrastinating.

Now THIS kind person, lawyer or no lawyer, has INFLUENCED me to think about the predicament I'd be in... especially when the government decides to decide for me, how my "very impressive" IPO stock portfolio (hehe) should be divided.

What advice would you have for those of my ilk?

[JD86]

Tony, you have the easiest job of all. Start with a blank piece of paper and every time you get an asset, write it down. Piece of cake....:) Seriously, you still need a list of friends, family and contact numbers so they can reach each other if you need them to. Everybody needs that support system. Good luck on all your future adventures.

[JD86]

Now Gracey, let's be kind. Mr/Ms Labyrinthos has apologized and he/she does not practice estate law. Besides this thread is for ya'll to tell the lawyers....so, now that you have read some of the suggestions, what are you going to do? Besides finding a good lawyer in your state?

[falfa]

One other word on children, our wills stipulate that, if we die when our children are minors, they receive their "adult" inheritance in three separate distributions based on their age. This prevents the problem of having a college student blow everything their freshman year and having nothing coming to them later. The distributions are at something like 20, 25 and 30. That gives them three chances to grow up and use the money wisely.

[Gracey]

And if his business is getting screwed, then I ask for an appropriate retainer, and go to work.

LOL My apologies to you... for I had not read your partial retraction, downstream.

However, I do like your choice of words. It clearly and concisely states the predicament.