Ridiculous Airport Safety Regulations

SECRETARY of Transportation Norman Y. Mineta, Czar Norman, has ordered new, ill-thought out, oppressive airline regulations in the wake of recent terrorist attacks. Among them: a ban on knives -- plastic or steel -- anywhere in the airport and on airplanes, even in kitchens, no curbside check-in, restricted carry-on luggage, no visitors beyond security checkpoints and who knows what else.

Has Czar Norman gone far enough to protect us? I've watched "Investigative Reports" and the "History Channel" documentaries about supermax prisons. Taking away plastic knives is not enough for real security. Knife-like weapons can be fashioned out of plastic forks and spoons, toothbrushes, ballpoint pens, razor blades, eyeglass lenses and glass utensils. That means if Czar Norman is serious about protecting us, he should ban all these items on airplanes and from airports.

Even if all items that can be used to produce knives are banned, I know from watching documentaries about supermax prisons, such as California's Pelican Bay, simply passing people through metal detectors and patting them down is not enough. Weapons can be secreted in various body cavities. To ensure total air travel safety, Czar Norman can't allow indelicacies such as mandated body cavity searches to impede American safety.

But there's a potential problem. Given American litigiousness, I can easily see where body cavity searches might produce numerous suits for sexual harassment. But technology offers an alternative. Some supermax prisons have equipment, that the FAA might consider, that employs a tidier method of body cavity search. The prisoner is strapped to an X-ray chair and a picture taken.

If Czar Norman thinks that a ban on plastic forks and spoons, toothbrushes, ballpoint pens, razor blades, eyeglass lens, glass utensils and even fingernail clippers is impractical, and body cavity searches a bit too intrusive, a substitute would be to order that passengers be handcuffed to their seats during flights save for necessary bodily functions, and then escorted to the lavatory.

Being knowledgeable about World War II, I can suggest another way to deal with hijacking threats. Say there are a thousand planes flying from the East Coast to western destinations. Just have them take off, group up in a formation and then have squadrons of F-15s provide escort. If one plane deviates from the flight plan without permission, one of the F-15s could force it to land or shoot it down.

By now you should realize the potential for ridiculous air-safety measures. Also, you should realize that some mandates (such as banning knives) won't improve air travel safety by one iota. The reason why is that terrorists will never use knives to hijack an airplane again. The reason why knives were successful this time was that passengers thought that the hijacking simply meant that they'd wind up in Cuba or some other destination. If they knew that the hijackers were going to take them all to their death, knives wouldn't have stopped them from trying to subdue the hijackers.

The new air safety regulations are consistent with today's anti-crime strategies: If people commit crimes with guns, call for gun control; if people commit crimes with knives, call for knife control. Current law prohibits pilots from having guns to protect their crew and passengers. That law should be changed.

Instead of meekly going along with the FAA's new, costly, oppressive and stupid safety regulations, Americans should rebel against them. Are we so timid and feminized that we'll accept anything politicians do in the name of safety?

Yesterday I flew back from San Diego International Airport with my youngest daughter to OKC with a change of planes in Phoenix. We flew Southwest Airlines but the baggage checking is under control of FAA.

They did have curbside check-in which I used much to my dismay. Turned out my luggage that was being checked was subject to search so the "moron" checker took my ticket to the counter and I had to carry the luggage to the point where they were checking bags.

Let me give you an example of who they were checking -- Mom and daughter traveling together (me), two Marines on leave, an older couple in the 70's, two women who had just returned from overseas that had cleared customs a few minutes before, young family (husband/wife/child in carseat), and an elderly woman I would guess in her late 70's/early 80's. My daughter and I stood in line for 45 minutes and we were second in line. The two people checking the bags spoke little or no English.

After they took everything out of the suitcase and threw it back in unfolded, they told me to carry the bag over to the counter where it would be checked in and to get my ticket. I went up to the counter to ask for my ticket -- they handed it to me when I said the name without ever checking my ID and the guy at the counter could not have known who I was because my ticket and my luggage were separated before my luggage was checked.

We proceeded to the gate going through the metal detectors and screening for carry-on luggage. I went up to get my ticket, and found out all my carry-on luggage had to now be searched right before going on the plane. I was with four of the people that had come from the search of our checked baggage. I was getting madder as the plane was about ready to be boarded and I finally told the screener if my daughter and I were separated on the plane due to the way they searched my bags (slow and slower) and the fact that they searched by number and if the person wasn't there they didn't take the next in line, I was going to never fly Southwest again. I have never met such rude people in my life until I met the last person to do the checking who kept apologizing. He finally admitted to me and the couple behind me that he could not figure out why we were being searched and some of the passengers from another plane were not. At that point in time he pointed out two gentlemen with turbins (early 20's) who were walking right on the plane no questions asked at the gate next to ours. Two gang looking men boarded our plane with carry-on luggage on no search.

The checker then announced that the people that had been waiting for over 1/2 hour to get their carry-on bags checked would be boarding first. When we got to Phoenix and checked in, the lady at the ticket counter said there would be no further checks as she had received notification from San Diego Southwest that we had been searched enough.

At least for this flight, none of us being searched fit the profile of a terrorist (not by a long shot). We were made to wait in line to have every item we had with us searched by hand by people not even citizens of this country that were rude and incompetent. The sign said the owner of the baggage was not to help in any way with the search and not to touch their bags while being searched. The lady that was searching my bags asked me three times to unzip a portion that she was having trouble opening. Told her to do it herself because I was obeying the law!

Don't know when I have been so mad and treated so rudely. I find the FAA a bunch of incompetent morons! Did I feel safer traveling -- *?** NO! When they pick out the people they did for their searches while allowing people that scared me to board (from Arabs to gang members) without checking them out, I say these new rules are a waste!

Along the lines of airport security... I Just recently I traveled out-of-state, and a friend escorted me to the gate. We later realized that he had breached security without realizing it. He had walked right through the metal detector and airport security people, without once being asked if he even had a ticket. We are focusing ourselves so deeply into our defense against knives that we are differing from our regular security measures. Also, in agreement with your statements I would like to just say, "How stupid do we think these terrorists are!?" They hijacked a plane, this time, with a knife. What's to say that next time it won't be something different? Or, what's to say that it won't even be a airplane, or even a hijacking. They are probably counting on us to focus our attention in one area while they sceme away in another. A basic tactic. Enjoyed your comments,

Doubt if the people that screened me will ever be Civil Service employees. Fortunately, security background checks have been returned for new hires -- pretty much had been done away with under the previous administration and cannot see any of the screeners that I saw being able to pass a background check and at the same time be an American citizen that could speak fluent English!

These people are employed by security firms hired by the airports right now and I would have rather had an 18-year old from McDonald's screening me as he would have done a better job. I still cannot get over they take out all your clothes that are folded and stuff them back in. And slow -- nothing could move slower. When the person started patting down my daughter's tank tops I gave up even giving them any benefit of the doubt.

They take their time, could care less, and seem to be enjoying making people wait. You cannot get your ticket until they say OK so they are in charge! Well I certainly did not feel safer at all!

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