Urbane Legends

JRHERREID | Herreid

[jrherreid]

An "urban legend" is a story that is not true, usually started by some silly young person telling an almost believable story to a gullible friend. The friend, not knowing that the story is false, passes it on to another, who passes it on to yet another. Most "urban legends" are needlessly vulgar; calculated to shock and entertain the common rabble. We at the Urbane Legend Centre have collected a series of truly shocking, yet quite civilized tales that need debunking.

 

The Blair Incident

 

STORY: British Prime Minister Tony Blair, at a dinner in honour of the Queen, was about to propose a toast to Her Majesty's health. He stood up and raised a glass as he pronounced the words, "Long live the Queen!" All others at the table remained seated, riveted in horror, as they beheld the sight of the PM holding not a wine glass, but his water glass.

 

TRUE OR FALSE? The story is false. Mr. Blair is known to have embarrassed himself on occasion, but this particular incident never took place. The story is based on an actual event that happened at a dinner party honouring Queen Victoria, when a servant, drunken as usual, burst into the room and proposed a toast with a teacup. He was promptly sacked.

 

Churchill and the Punch

 

STORY: Winston Churchill had arrived late to a Christmas Party that the then Prime Minister, Neville Chamberlain, had thrown. When the butler tried to keep him from entering the room, on the grounds that Mr. Churchill was too late and would disturb the guests, Churchill stormed up to the buffet table and dipped a finger into the punchbowl. The punch, of course, was discarded and Churchill ejected.

 

TRUE OR FALSE? Indubitably false. Any Englishman knows what a faux pas it would be to dip his fingers in a punchbowl, and Churchill was much too astute a politician to ruin his career by such a move.

 

The Queen's English Faux Pas

STORY: In her annual address to her subjects--presumably vetted endlessly by the Buckingham Palace staff--Queen Elizabeth II observed that "the young can sometimes be wiser than us." Than us? Unfortunately, according to The Oxford Guide to English Usage, Her Majesty was guilty of improper usage.

 

TRUE OR FALSE? Sadly, this last story is true. The monarchy has declined somewhat in recent years, and this is merely a symptom of the disease.

 

If you come across any other Urbane Legends, please e-mail them to us at UrbaneLegends@hoity-toity.co.uk. 

 

[jrherreid]

FYI, this was actually written by Ted Nugent and George Carlin.

[jrherreid]

fyi

[gcruse]

The cheese in my chicken & broccoli Hot Pockets tastes a lot like the cheese in my ham and cheese Hot Pockets.

[Silly]

STORY: Albert Gore, Jr. actually won the election in 2000, entitling him to the presidency, but George W. Bush stole it so he could poison babies, tip over garbage dumpsters in Alaska, and tear the ozone layer a new @ss hole..

TRUE OR FALSE? Irrepressively false. This story was spread by irrational Gore supporters angry that he lost both the election and all credibility with the American public. In actuality, it was Gore who tried to steal the election, but his efforts were thwarted by the rule of law, a fair day in court, an angry populace and a very cool-headed but tough-as-nails Bush -- plus the fact the Bush won the Florida vote and therefore its Electoral College votes.

[jrherreid]

No realli! She was Karving her initials øn the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law -an Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst Nordfink"...

[Procyon]

Queen Elizabeth II observed that "the young can sometimes be wiser than us." Than us? Unfortunately, according to The Oxford Guide to English Usage, Her Majesty was guilty of improper usage.

I always thought the "Queen's English" was how or what ever the Queen spoke. I like the new proper usage. I mean, really: "the young can sometimes be wiser than we"? sounds awfully stilted unless you say: "the young can sometimes be wiser than we can".

[DeaconBenjamin]

I'm with you. It's her English, let her do what she wants with it.

[Undivided Heart]

"This is the sort of pedantry up with which I will not put." -Winston Churchill

[jrherreid]

We are not amused.

[Orual]

A toast from the King and I to she, the Queen.

[jrherreid]

Toasting the Queen with Budweiser? You just broke so many rules of protocol that I cannot even begin to tally them up!

[Orual]

"the young can sometimes be wiser than us."

#12. My grammar told me to do it.

[BlueLancer]

Møøse bites can be nasti.

But that's a whole lot better than having a møøse hickey.

[aruanan]

Wasn't Duke Ellington supposed to have been an urbane legend?

[aruanan]

"the young can sometimes be wiser than we"? sounds awfully stilted unless you say: "the young can sometimes be wiser than we can".

That's just because you've grown up using defective English. ;-} The point of the sentence is that one is making a comparison between two groups: "They are wise. We are wise. Who is the wiser? They are more wise than we [are]". Both groups are described using the nominative case. The pronoun form of "us" is either the dative (meaning "to" or "for" or "on behalf of" us) or accusative case (the object receiving the action, "They hit us"), neither of which apply here. Do you say, "They spoke to Tom and I" or "They spoke to Tom and me"? Those who choose the former would be more likely to think that "wiser than we" is stilted or incorrect. They're wrong in either case.

[aruanan]

I think an English teacher told me that as well. I hate to hear people say, '...for we the people' and the like. But the quote you gave, "We have met the enemy, and he is us." is funny because if you switch 'us' for 'he' (adjusting the verb) it's obviously wrong. But if you correct the pronouns, it still sounds weird. So I guess we have our work cut out for us.