Educate Me: Gift-giving: When and Why?

self | self

[BradyLS]

It seems that when you become an adult, (I'm 37. I'll let you know when I get there! ;) ) all sorts of complicated situations arise when you're expected (or at least asked) to give gifts (or something. Money, etc.). Frankly, for some occassions, I fee very reluctant to give. I'm trying to guage what the opinons of others are on this topic and find out if I'm totally out line or what.

For example: I like Girl Scout cookies, candy bars, cookies, gift wrap, etc., just fine but it bugs me when the parents of the sales staff canvas the office looking for money. And when they approach you with the air that they're doing you a favor by asking, that honks me even more. One year I told a coworker that I'd be happy to buy if I'm pitched to by their child but I wouldn't hand over money to them. (Naturally, they were mortified. But my point is that the kids have to earn their prizes the way real sales people do.) I was actually naive enough as a kid to believe that my classmates really did sell all that stuff. (Some may have, but the lesson I learned later makes me wonder anyway.)

Hey, I'll bring food and drink to parties and stuff, but when are you really obligated to give a gift? You know the old phrase: "There ain't no such thing as a free lunch."

[BradyLS]

I'm serious. I want to know! I mean, if I were President of Elbonia, office "gift-giving" would be outlawed! Flame away!

[Orbiter]

My wife had a neighbor Lady stop by with her spawn in tow hawking Christmas Whatnots for a school benefit. Honey asked Lady if she'd mind buying some of Son's Whatnots we happened to have on hand for our school's fundraiser. Lady, evidently very slow on the uptake, said, "I have enough of that, already. No, thanks!" Honey told Lady "See ya!"

[Nitro]

It is "emotional blackmail", but as an adult it is the un-written rule of "go along, to get along!"

[BradyLS]

Great point, Nitro. But I've played the Go-Along-Get-Along game and no one treats me any better for having helped out. So they don't gets no more!

[brat]

I don't know all of your circumstances, but I can tell you about what I finally did. After paying twice as much for absolute low grade goods, I simply got tired of it. We were always deluged because we had the nicest house in the neighborhood. I finally started saying that "OH, we've already purchased from John's son." Everybody knows a John. After a while, they simply stopped bugging us because John's son always beat them to the draw! LOL Norm at the office would tell them that he bought from our grandson! LOL It spares feelings and gets the job done.

[philman_36]

"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch."
He-ey! An RAH TANSTAAFL BUMP!
But I've played the Go-Along-Get-Along game and no one treats me any better for having helped out.
So they don't gets no more!
Know what you mean, squeaky clean!

[BradyLS]

Sadly, everyone knows I'm a bachelor and thinks I have a pile of money lying around to spend on their fundraisers! But it couldn't hurt to say "I already gave." It's true, more often than not.

For a while, I was in charge of our office's "Adopt-A-Family" program. For the two years I ran it, I made a point to say in front of the staff, "Listen, I know everyone has family and close friends they'd rather give to first this time of year. So I only ask that you give what you genuinely feel inclined to give. If it's not freely given, then it's not a gift. And Thank You! in advance for whatever you can provide."

Overall, the amount was about the same as previous years, but I think some gave a little less while some actually gave a little more. I just hope that whatever was given was done so in good will.

[Califreeper]

No flame from me! I agree with you completely -- and I no longer get sucked into that "buying the kid's stuff from the parent who sells it" crap. I simply say "thank you, but I still have the cookies/Christmas wrap/candy or whatever left over from LAST year. And SMILE when you say it.

[Nitro]

I'll only go in for the $1 or $2 candy bar stuff, any more than that and I take a pass.

I find it is worth a few bucks to maintain good will!

[Dante3]

At some workplaces soliciting is not permitted.

My daughter was pressured to sell stuff by her school. The items (cand Christmas gift wrapping in a school where was not supposed to say "Merry Christmas") were of such poor quality that I refused to let her sell them to anyone and bought a couple of them so she wouldn't be hassled by the teacher.

My neighbors (who have no children) said that when they see through a peephole that children are ringing their doorbell they simply do not answer.

[DainBramage]

Everyone at my firehall has kids, so when they are trying to sell the cookies or candy, we buy some from each others kids.

It all comes back around eventually, not to mention the good excuse to eat tons of junk.

[neutrino]

I view it as a form of bribery - and bribery can be useful and effective. So I buy a couple boxes of cookies from someone I think can be worthwhile, then generously share them with my co-workers. If the janitor wants to sell me some lottery ticket for his church, that's fine too. Later - a few weeks or so - I'll ask the person for a small favor. This creates a channel of exchanged assistance. And if they consistently don't respond, I buy the stuff from someone else.

United Way is even easier. If you can't get away with giving them a buck, sign up for a full "fair share" through payroll deduction. Then quietly go to payroll and cancel it before it starts.

The neighborhood is tougher. I just don't bother to answer the door. (Grin!)

[Ol' Sox]

My kids' school is awful with this! Every two weeks there is another "opportunity" to assist the school with something or other. There is "Market Day" for nasty frozen food, the Christmas catalog for overpriced wrapping paper and the most insidious one of all, the "Book of Bargains" (for things you would never buy and restaurants that we never eat at). Truthfully, I would rather they just come to me with hat in hand and ask me for money.

I do like it when someone at the office sells candy bars, though!

[TheLionessRN]

Everyone who knows me knows one important fact about me. I am outspoken politically. I will NEVER give money to United Way ever again because of their stand against the boy scouts. I tell everyone who wants my money exactly why I am not giving money to that org. I buy popcorn from the BSA and cookies from the GSA. If someone has those huge candy bars at work and I am starving for comfort food after a bad morning, I will pony up the dollar. But that is all.

I have never gotten involved in fundraising with my children simply because I am uncomfortable hitting up friends and co-workers for money. Like was mentioned earlier, I will buy something myself, but other than that, the younguns are on their own if they want to shill the coupon books.

[kdf1]

Smile when you give. Smile when you don't. It is not a gift if you're obliged. I invite you to give to the Boy Scouts of America. You are invited, not obligated. (I am not affiliated; I work with guys that never were.)

[BradyLS]

I view it as a form of bribery - and bribery can be useful and effective. So I buy a couple boxes of cookies from someone I think can be worthwhile, then generously share them with my co-workers. If the janitor wants to sell me some lottery ticket for his church, that's fine too. Later - a few weeks or so - I'll ask the person for a small favor. This creates a channel of exchanged assistance. And if they consistently don't respond, I buy the stuff from someone else.

Well, that makes sense, but what kind of small favors are we talking about?

[bleudevil]

How do other freepers feel about adult fund-raising, i.e., women who sell stuff like candles, knick-knacks and Longaberger baskets at parties? It feel like lately every woman I know sells these overpriced Longaberger baskets. They're pretty, but 50 bucks for a basket? C'mon.