You sound just like Martha and Mary scolding Jesus: "Lord if you had been here, my brother would never have died." It's all His fault. It always is.
How often we all feel like that. It doesn't matter if someone we miss died yesterday or twenty years of yesterdays ago-sometimes we just want to let God have it. We miss them. It hurts. Things just are not the same. And if only, if only, if only.
In fact, Martha became the first person in John's gospel to proclaim that "yes," Jesus is the Christ, and even as they speak, she knows her brother lives.