HOW TO FIND THOSE TALIBANDITS

My demented and warped mind | Today | Poohbah

[Poohbah]

Yes, they're hiding in residential areas now.

So, how do we find them? It's simple, really.

First off, log onto the Kabul site for Century 21 Real Estate Brokers. Look for houses suddenly going on the market, at discount prices, arranged in a doughnut fashion (i.e., every house around a given house suddenly is up for grabs at a STEAL of a price). That house in the doughnut hole is probably the Taliban hangout.

Second, keep an eye peeled for double-parked armored personnel carriers, tanks, Chevy Suburans, and other vehicle types favored by the Taliban. In communities with a homeowners association, one might wish to bug the meeting room for reports of automatic weapons and other violations of the CC&Rs.

Third, observe tell-tale signs of friction with the neighbors (picketers with signs saying BOMB MAGNETS LEAVE, or roofs painted with "AMERICAN INFIDELS: TALIBAN THREE HOUSES EAST are a sign that Taliban operatives may be in the area--although the latter requires the presence of a roof, which may not be axiomatic in Kabul).

[Poohbah]

Just a few "helpful hints" for our lads. Feel free to add your own.

[stanleypie]

Put pictures of the "missing" bandits on milk cartons...

[dep]

i think that in afghanistan it's century 7, is it not?

dep

[Alas]

Too much work. Just tell clinton and/or someone at the dnc that bin laden has a hundred grand for them. Then just follow them cause they'll find bin laden and that hundred grand.

[doubled]

I have seen two ideas that make sense to me. One is to let Reader's Digest find out bin laden's address since, no matter where you move, or how many times they will send you a notice that you may already have won or this set of books is just what you need. The other is to infiltrate Afghanistan with little old ladies as it is well known that the grapevine/gossip network among them is better and faster than any other form of communication on earth. Within a week you will know where bin laden is, what he has been eating, what his favorite color is, who has been staying over, and how well his sheep are taken care of.

[Poohbah]

Good point.

Two most dangerous places to stand:

Between Shrillary! and a TV camera

Between any of the Clintons and that $100 bill being dragged through a trailer park.

[TADSLOS]

Pressure wash all the mud houses. The ones left standing are reinforced concrete. Bomb those.

[dep]

alternately, have your mom call bin laden's mom -- the mom network is the fastest known means of information dissemination, though more of the information spread by this medium is not all that interesting.

dep