1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
SQUARE ONE
2. Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
I DIDN'T KNOW GOD WAS AN ACTOR
3. How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
WHEN YOU GET LOST ON THE PAGE
4. Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote?
SO SOME CLOWN DOESN'T TAPE OVER THE DIRTY MOVIE YOU RECORDED THE NIGHT BEFORE
5. Can you get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you be treated?
LIBERALS BLAME ALL THEIR FAULTS ON SYNDROMES.
6. Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
MUST HAVE... CHINA CAMP, ROARING CAMP, CAMP WINNEMUCCA.
7. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
NO, BUT WHAT FOOL WOULD BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE?
8. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
CAN'T SAY, I'VE NEVER TRIED IT.
9. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
IS A SHARK'S ASS WATER TIGHT?
10. Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
MAYBE, BUT THEY CAN'T VARNISH WITHOUT BRUSH STROKES
11. Does the little mermaid wear an algaebra?
DON'T KNOW, DISNEY ALWAYS COVERS HER BOOBS WITH HER HAIR
12. Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
IF HE DOES, I BET THE RATES GO UP
13. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
ONLY WHEN SPEAKING,... HYPOTHETICALLY, OF COURSE
14. How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
BECAUSE SLOW UP AND SLOW DOWN ARE THE SAME, BUT SPEED UP AND SPEED DOWN ARE OPPOSITES
15. How can someone "draw a blank"?
IN SCRABBLE
16. How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
EASY, VISIT TEXAS IN NOVEMBER.
17. How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
TO SCOFF THE BAD GUYS, AND IT LOOKS COOL WHEN HE SMIRKS.
18. How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
TO SQUEEZE THE LAST BIT OF JUICE OUT OF IT
19. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
HOW DO HUNTERS READ THE "DEER SIGN"?
20. How do you know when yogurt has gone bad?
WHEN YOU FIND IT IN MY MOTHER'S REFRIGERATOR