Posted on 10/12/2001 1:53:00 PM PDT by real saxophonist
Going 'oui' in Europe
By David Wheat
Friday, October 12, 2001 - Americans are surprised when I tell them that a famous symbol of the country of Belgium is "Mannekin Pis," a 17th century statue of a naked boy urinating into a fountain. "Really," they ask with amazement, "Belgium is a country?"
Legends abound about why this tiny exhibitionist was sculpted in such an uncouth pose. My theory is that he was a tourist who just "let fly" after having given up on trying to understand European toilets.
Answering nature's call in America is a simple task, requiring only a toilet, some privacy and, optionally, a Reader's Digest. With these basic items, one can not only dispatch one's "bidnez," but can simultaneously Enrich One's Word Power (which pays, by the way).
It's not that easy in Europe. It can be difficult to even find a toilet here. (Hint: It's not in the bathroom). The bathroom in our Belgian house contained a bathtub, a shower, two sinks and 2.4 hectares of my wife's essential health and beauty items. It had everything but the kitchen sink (located in the living room) and a toilet.
The toilet was 20 feet away from our bathroom, in a little closet, or "WC." It was so little that when I first saw it, I thought, "When I toss my petit de jeuner, my legs will stick out into the hallway." This little closet came complete with toilet and well, that's all, really.
No sink for hand washing. Not even enough room to squeeze in a Reader's Digest. Needless to say, our Word Power suffered greatly during our three years here.
Making winky at home was complicated, but was a wee in the park compared with using a European public toilet.
For one thing, they use the "pay-as-you-go" method. Many toilets in malls, theaters and even restaurants require payment to use the facilities. Not a coin inserted in a stall door, but handing money to a woman sitting outside of the toilet area. Turns out she's the cleaning crew as well, and she's not bashful. The first time one of these women started cleaning the urinal next to the one I was using, the shock caused what the French call "le stoppage."
I prefer the U.S. method of cleaning public toilets, which involves hanging a clipboard on the wall of the bathroom that clearly states the last time the place was cleaned. The latest entry often seems to indicate a thorough cleaning occurred 10 minutes ago, even though - judging by the number of floating cigarette butts and the bone-dry soap dispenser - it was more likely sometime during the Reagan administration. At least with the Clipboard Method, no actual employee ever joins you "in process," except perhaps to pop in and initial the clipboard.
After adjusting to paying for the privilege, we were confronted with an array of toilet fixtures we had never encountered between America's two shining seas. There was the "bidet," which - although I still have no idea what it is, I have deduced what it definitely is not (a toilet, an OSHA emergency eye rinse station, William "The Refrigerator" Perry).
Another weird fixture was encountered at a rest stop in France while traveling with my in-laws. The women's toilet was a porcelain-coated hole in the ground with footpads on either side of the hole and no possible seating opportunity. My mother-in-law didn't notice that it also contained an auto-flush mechanism that triggered when it detected fear or the slightest motion. She made one wrong move and received a soaking from the waist down. I found this amusing, until the male version of the device sensed my inner angst and drenched me, too.
Belgian women seem to have adapted to these commode complexities, but not so Belgian men. Scarcely a day goes by that I don't see a Belgian man communing with nature. Or communing with the shoulder of a busy street. Or with the side of an office building.
This freedom to "go" wherever they're standing when the urge hits comes at the price of an atrophied vocabulary, however. Unless there happens to be a Reader's Digest laying on the side of the road, of course.
So it seems that "Mannekin Pis" is more than just the most disappointing tourist attraction in Europe; he's also the hero and patron saint of the Belgian male. And an enduring symbol of um wait a minute Rats, I used to know that word.
David Wheat (d_wheat@hotmail.com) is a computer consultant temporarily living in Overijse, Belgium. He will return to his Fort Collins home this fall.
(Just Kidding!)
That's an amazing story. The "Mannekin Pis" statue actually commemorates an event in Belgian history where a young child helped to avert a major disaster by peeing on a small fire before it could spread.
I learned that from the Belgian owner of a restaurant in the small town of St.-Jean-sur-Richelieu, Quebec.
The restaurant is named "Mannekin Pis," by the way, and it has a replica of that statue prominently displayed out on the front lawn.
(that means "no urinating")
Next to it was a sign in English:
The "defense d'uriner" signs were everywhere, btw, including on a wall of the Cathedral at the town I stayed, Tournai.
MP is an inspiration to anyone who spends more than 20 minutes in a Belgian cafe...
It also came with an Owners Manual entirely in German. Since he had taken a lot of German and had absorbed it well, this was no problem - actually, it became an opportunity.
Not too many people sit around reading their Owners Manuals, but he had the German version AND an English version, and he had lots of fun comparing the two. For instance, in a small section on fuel economy, the German manual admonished, "Spielen sie nicht mit dem gaspedal." Translation, "Don't 'play' with the gas pedal." In other words, rev it up at stop lights and you waste gas. The English version was much less colorful. It advised, "Avoid unnecessary engine speeds while waiting your turn to go."
You could cram a large tome with other examples from all languages.
Michael
By Bill McAllister
Denver Post Washington Bureau Chief
Sunday, October 14, 2001 - WASHINGTON - To the dismay of Rep. Bob Schaffer, R-Fort Collins, the U.S. Agriculture Department has defended the Forest Service decision to spend $1.7 million for new toilets near Colorado's famed Maroon Bells.
"I'm unmoved, you might say," said Schaffer after getting a three-page letter from David P. Tenny, acting deputy undersecretary for natural resources and environment. Tenny defended the controversial project near Aspen, which area residents have ridiculed as the "Flintstone Palace."
The way Tenny calculated it, the 14 toilets at the remote site will last 50 years and will have a "projected cost per use" of "approximately 11 cents."
"The new restroom is well-constructed, but it is not overly elaborate and has standard features that one would find in any public restroom," the agriculture official told Schaffer. Maroon Bells, picturesque twin peaks in a wilderness area, are a "must-see" location, Tenny said, and the area "was being loved to death" by the more than 200,000 visitors each year.
"Prior to the new construction, beautiful meadows were being trampled, visitors were complaining about inadequate toilet facilities, and the area's appearance was marred by extensive parking," Tenny said.
"From taxpayers' point of view, this is nothing more than a $1.7 million toilet" that is "nice in customary Aspen style," Schaffer fumed.
"The exclusive residents of Aspen will not be disappointed when they visit these pricey privies that the rest of the country bought for them," he said. "From the standpoint of Congress I'm thrilled to learn that the Forest Service does not need another dime and any concerns about being underfunded are now flushed away."
"I would encourage every American to go to the Maroon Bells to have a seat on one of these thrones to get their money's worth," he added. "It's difficult to justify just a lavish expenditure when we are experiencing such a constipated economy," Schaffer said.
It helps to remember that Schaffer began his political career as a speechwriter and that Aspen is not part of his district.
I don't often do flags, Sax - and with the new setup, it's hard to know just who HAS been flagged to a thread.
So, here's a BIG OLE BUMP for ya!
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