I've tried hard to develop a "neighborly" relationship but he insists on seeing everything through the eyes of a victim (even though both he and his wife have M.A. degrees from a major university paid for by the government, hold nice middle-class jobs, own three brand-new automobiles, live in a $400,000 home, take frequent and expensive vacations, etc.) The only thing he really seems interested in is nursing his grievances. The mailman once put his mail into my box by mistake and it consisted mainly of Black-oriented publications like "Ebony," where I suspect a "party line" is promulgated.
In discussing the WTC tragedy he made it clear, as he has on many other occasions, that "White Europeans" are the cause of all of the world's problems, including this one. Being an American of white European extraction, I take that personally. He refuses to accept any expression of neighbor-like friendship even though we have frequent over-the-fence conversations. I once asked him if he'd be kind enough to collect my newspaper for me while I was on vacation and he let me know he interpreted it as a master/slave relationship even though I've offered to do the same for him on several occasions. He loves to play race-baiting games. Once when a neighbor and I were chatting with him while he was weeding his flower beds, a door-to-door salesman headed down the sidewalk toward us. My neighbor said: "He'll go for you two; he'll think I'm just doing your stoop labor." That remark angered me to the point I've barely been able to talk with him since.
Why does this attitude persist? What can be done to change it? If blacks and whites can't live harmoniously together as patriotic Americans-in-common, is separatism the only answer? I don't feel there's a lot of time left for this question to be answered.
I appreciate your sharing this Bernard.
Unfortunately, some blacks are going to always feel like victims no matter what they attain materially or otherwise. A price tag can't be placed on what black people have experienced, and that is why you will see attitudes like what your neighbor has displayed. Success does not obliterate the feeling that whitey's out to get you.
From what I've seen and experienced, many "successful" blacks will hold on to victim status for several reasons:
1. They know no better.
2. They feel somewhat guilty about their success when so many other blacks are "poor and oppressed" and embracing victimology is their way of identifying with the black "masses."
3. Many blacks who have attained educational and material success still experience racism, especially if their living, working and/or social arrangements bring them around lots of whites. They don't know any other way to respond other than paranoid victimology.
To sum it up, blacks who are "successful" experience the double-consciousness of being Black and American more acutely than lower-class blacks do. This is why your neighbor can fly a US flag on the one hand and act as if you're trying to oppress him on the other hand. He holds obviously contradictory attitudes.
Mostly, blacks themselves have to change the perpetual victim attitude. Nobody can make them stop acting like victims. Some will change if they have enough positive interactions with whites; religion changes many; others may change as they see the illogic of many of the beliefs they have held so dear.
Some blacks feel that separation is the solution- your neighbor may not be one of them or else he wouldn't live in your neighborhood. At the same time, a lot of blacks who would like to separate or return to Africa do live in houses that cost six figures or more.
I'd advise you to keep treating your neighbor the way you would like to be treated and otherwise, don't worry about him. If you're doing nothing wrong you have nothing to feel guilty for so don't let him put you in that position.
I sometimes wonder if it's a generational thing. I have been working side-by-side with many African-Americans for years, and I've found that those who are now in their 50's and even 60's are the salt of the earth. In fact, until he retired, the democratically elected president of our local union was an African-American, as were three out of five members of the negotiating committee. This in a shop that is 90% white males.
This is the generation that experienced real racism and discrimination, but they show no bitterness - they speak eloquently and movingly of "the struggle", and they're just happy that things have changed so much for the better. Many of their children, however, are of a different mindset. It pains these hard-working older blacks to see their kids feel like they're owed something, and that they're constantly looking to find discrimination and racism where none exists.