Advice to Give Children About Tragedy

WXIA Channel 11 Atlanta ^ | 09/11/01

[charphar]

Advice to Give Children About Tragedy Last Updated: 4:56 p.m., 09/11/01

Clayton County schools sent letters home with children on Tuesday. The documents offered advice to parents and teachers about how to explain a tragedy to children.

The advice suggested that the first thing adults must do when something unfortunate happens is to accept their own feelings.

Print-outs sent home with children in Clayton County schools told parents that it was all right to feel lousy about the devastation that struck in Washington, D.C., New York City and Pennsylvania.

More than 2,100 got hurt and an untold number of people died because terrorists hijacked three passenger planes and crashed two into the the World Trade Center towers in New York, then aimed another into the main building of the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. A fourth plane crashed in Pennsylvania.

Clayton County schools sent home information that said children don't have the ability to maintain feelings of intense turmoil for long periods of time.

For that reason they suggest that parents and teachers should prepare to see children displaying inappropriate behavior after finding out about Tuesday's attacks.

The handout urged parents to watch to take extra time with a child who reacts to a tragedy by:

Clinging close to adults

Acting like a younger child

Appearing frightened

Having stomach aches

Having difficulty sleeping

Appearing agitated or angry

Starting to ask a lot of questions

Clayton County school professionals suggest that adults answer a child's questions about the tragedy honestly, but without a lot of detail.

The handout sent home offers several points of advice. Among the things parents should do are:

Assure a fearful child that you will be there to take care of them

Encourage children to talk about their feelings

Encourage children to write and draw what they are thinking

Remind children of concrete examples of what procedures are in place to protect them

Help them to develop safety plans that make them feel comfortable

Be a good listener

One of the most important aspects of helping a child to cope with tragedy is to have them accept the finality of an event.

The information Clayton County schools sent home with children suggests some of the following things to do.

Adults describing tragedies to children should:

Be concrete and truthful. If a death is involved do not say, "the people passed away or went to sleep." You could make a child fear sleeping. Say instead, they died.

Be watchful for misconceptions or distortions. Children may also feel guilty and display magical thinking such as, "I said I wished he would get lost and that caused him to die." Correct the misconception and feelings of guilty when they display themselves.

Do not try to talk children out of their feelings or deny them a chance to express what they're feeling.

Expect and give permission for a wide range of emotions and reactions.

Clayton County school officials urge parents and teachers to realize that a tragedy can affect children strongly for two days after an event takes place.

The documents sent home with children from Clayton County urge anyone touched by a tragedy to avoid the use of drugs and alcohol and try to eat regular meals, even if no one feels like it.

Above all else, the handout stresses that anyone upset by a tragedy should try to reassure themselves as much as they do their children. Horror and reality and fear are a hard combination of emotions for anyone to handle.

[charphar]

I've seen this article and lots like it over the last couple of days. Just wondering...

How did kids in 1941 handle Pearl Harbor? Was there all this psychological stuff? Did we ever just tell kids the truth...without worrying about whether they were scarred for life, etc.? Just wondering...

[HiTech RedNeck]

Pearl Harbor was way out in the Pacific. This is the first major attack on the continental USA in a long time.

[Rustynailww]

the kum by ayism begins.

[Flint]

What the heck is wrong with telling them that an enemy of our country has attacked us? That there likely will be more attacks. That it is incumbent on each and every American to be prepaired to deal with a war on our own soil. That our Founding Fathers were very wise men and provided for us to defend ourselves in the Consitution. That very shortly I will be giving you instructions and guidance in how to defend yourself, your home and your family. That it is very necessary that you learn that. That the rest of your life you must always take extra effort to prevent anyone from taking your rights and liberty away from you. That there are people within our own government who would like to prevent you from being able to defend yourself. You must, at all costs, find who those people are and see that in your life time they are pushed aside and out of the mainstream of your life.

How 'bout that just for a start?

[Temple Drake]

the so-called "child experts" are about to be out of a job in a society set for war, yet they keep on babbling. SHUT UP, you IDIOTS! I will decide what to tell my own kids, and when, and how! I am their mother -- the only expert they need(except of course their father).

[EdReform]

Bump

[Ward Smythe]

How did kids in 1941 handle Pearl Harbor?

I may be blasted, but I don't see anything but common sense in this article. In 1941, and in fact up until Vietnam, we didn't have the visuals we have now of all the horror. And as someone else pointed out we've never had an attack like this on our mainland.

Some parents, feeling helpless, will welcome this advice. Heaven knows the majority of families in the U.S. don't have the parenting skills we had in 1941 either.

[nothingnew]

Print-outs sent home with children in Clayton County schools told parents that it was all right to feel lousy about the devastation that struck in Washington, D.C., New York City and Pennsylvania.

These people are morons. I need to thank them for telling me it's ok about the way I feel...Lord save me from these idiots.

FMCDH

[nothingnew]

Heaven knows the majority of families in the U.S. don't have the parenting skills we had in 1941 either.

B.S.

What we have is too much intrusion by the guv on all side of childrearing...stop listening to these idealogues...they do not have your interests or your childs in mind...only their own.

FMCDH

[SAMWolf]

I suppose you could handle it like the Mr Boozell.

Teach your kid that it was America's fault and that we deserved it.

Retaliation would worsen situation As we watched on TV the World Trade Center buildings destruct, my 7-year-old son asked, "Why did they fly into those buildings?"

I found myself explaining to him that we have been killing people in other countries, and now they have come here to kill some of our people. He began crying, with the fear that we will be next.

We must not retaliate. This will certainly escalate into more terrorism. We must bring our servicemen home.

Our continued military involvement in the affairs of other countries will certainly bring more death and injury to our friends and families. I am only surprised that this has not happened sooner. Stop this nonsensical political posturing. Enough is enough.

RON L. BOOZELL Bend ron_l_boozell@yahoo.com

[grania]

I'm not going to blast you...it's a good article, and advise is necessary. Parents need to help children cope with something of a magnitude even they can't understand. The stuff about acting out being normal is so valid...when children are frightened or uncertain their behavior changes. They need to know we (parents and other people in their lives) care about them, we will do everything we can to protect them, and that we want to be there for them.

Of course many children are terrified. They now have to accept what was a scary movie or video game as the real world.

[miss marmelstein]

I come from a family of working class ethnics. What did they tell their children during Pearl Harbor or the JFK assassination? "Mind your own business!"; "Go out and play!"; "If you try to change that channel, I'll smack you!"; and the always reliable "If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." I could go on, but I'm sure you catch my drift...

[Ward Smythe]

What we have is too much intrusion by the guv on all side of childrearing

Which is precisely one of the reasons why my comment is NOT B.S.

In the 40s, we had extended families living together, and grandma/grandpa or aunt/uncle were just as likely to "parent" children as mom & dad. And all of them were helping mom and dad to learn how to parent. Today we have fractured families, blended families and just about any other kind of family you can describe. Of course the ideal family is: Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, dog, cat and an SUV. But life isn't like that anymore.

Point the finger of blame at government interference, television or any one of a multitude of evils. That doesn't change the fact that family life and parenthood is NOT like it was in 1941.

[budman_2001]

The little woman around these parts :)) works as a child art therapist. She has been explaining over the last two days numerous talks with 5 year olds. Many are drawing pictures of plans flying into buildings, and acting out crashes with toys and models.

I urge anyone with small children to be very careful about the constant tv watching, the constant news and radio barrage, and displayed anger, and partake in calming, open but frank discussions.

Observing those children for signs that they are obsessing with something (like a world crisis) other than what normal 5 years obsess with (say, a donald duck video) might be shaping their lives to come.

[bleudevil]

I don't know who this person is you cited, but the sanctimonious SOB has really ticked me off. Indulging his commie beliefs at the expense of his own child - who the hell tells a little kid "we killed some people so now they want to kill us" ??? Some twisted little #%^!, that's who.