Posted on 09/05/2001 2:02:56 PM PDT by SAMWolf
... she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt.
--Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
... she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone what she'd have?>br> --Ted, Wexford, Pa.
.. what's mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When she's cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I'm tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she'd do.
--Dave, Martha's Vineyard, Mass.
... she makes lists. Things to buy. Things to do. People to call. If it's not on the list, it doesn't get done. Once, to be funny, I put "sex" on the list. Mistake. Now it has to be on the list or it doesn't get done.
--Nick, Wheeling, W.Va.
... when she gets an idea in her head, there's no stopping her. And no rest for anyone until it's done. It's not so bad when the idea is to bake cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it's to build a new house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense.
--Jim, Minneapolis
... you can hear her eat soup from the next room.
--Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.
... my wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian. During meals, she asks people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops used to be smarter than their dogs.
--Miles, Shreveport, La.
... every so often boom she's a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead. Actually, I have no ideawhat her natural color is.
--Cary, Seattle
... she'll brush her teeth but she won't go to the dentist. She says she's not afraid of the pain, she just doesn't want to put herself in the hands of any fellow who'd choose to be a dentist.
--Terence, Gary, Ind.
... she's stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will know she's a natural blonde.
--Ned, Tucson, Ariz.
... she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
-Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.
... have you ever seen a woman with green crust and slime smeared over her face, dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you'd be able to sleep at night, knowing that creature is next to you?
-Arthur, Cedar City, Utah
... my wife's allergic to everything. Her nose is chronically stuffed. If I kissed her on the mouth, she'd suffocate.
--Bryan, Toledo, Ohio
... after sex, I mean the second after, she continues where she left off. Her eyes open and before you can breathe, you hear, " ... and, oh, yeah, I have to defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to pick up her dry cleaning ..."
--Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
... in bed I'm her high school teacher, captain of the football team, her boss, the bad boy, a waiter, a lifeguard, a telephone repairman, a cop. Once in a while I'd like to be me.
--Neil, Orlando, Fla.
... she wears these false eyelashes. She left 'em lying around and I slammed 'em with my newspaper, tried to kill the damn things. Scared me half to death.
--Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.
... she takes those soaps too seriously. I'll come home and find her in tears because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy's having a fictional affair.
--Archie, St. Louis
... she will not shop at discount stores or sales. She thinks they're crowded and plebian. She doesn't even look at the reduced rack, other than, perhaps, for gifts for my mother.
--Conrad, Wilmington, Del.
... it annoys her that our children look like me.
--James, New Orleans
... counting my wife and our teenage girls, that's four women. Somebody's always got PMS.
--Everett, Little Rock, Ark.
... with five kids, I don't have time to complain about my wife. I don't have time to notice her.
--Bob, Charleston, W.Va.
I Love Her Butt.
Yeah, and when the human resources director talked to you about the word "harass", you thought she was refering to a part of her anatomy. ;-)
I love the fact that now, six years after we got married, she's going to start teaching aerobics. (Yes!)
I love the fact I wake up to the smell of coffee every morning.
I love the lingering smell of her when I step into her walk-in.
I love the fact she just got her first (and only) tattoo this year.
I love her for tolerating my existence. ;^)
Norm, (Cheers),right??? :)
Actually, I think they're more distracted by our hormones.;^)
Oh heck, they're just easily distracted, that's all.
There was a GREAT Norm thread here a few weeks ago... Can't seem to find it though...
My favorite exchange:
Woody: Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: It's a little early, isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer??
Norm: No, for stupid questions.
That, I know. I'm talking about "Thanksgiving" and "floating pecans". That's still a complete mystery.
What?
I want to know what this guy is doing messin around with MY WIFE!!!.....I love her anyway.
Man, how I love my woman! EVEN the weird "stuff" she does. One night without her and I'm no good at all the next day.
I'm absolutely, positively addicted.
And you are SUCH a sweetheart. :)
You know, I used to be clingy when my hubby left for business trips when we were younger. Now that I've gone out of town a couple of times recently, I've come back to my sweet, sweet hubby telling me how he can't stand it when I'm gone.
Yes, life is good.
I'm still in trouble for yesterday's post about how to answer "What are you thinking?"
1 - "What are you thinking?"
I'm thinking I wish you'd shut up and stop asking me questions so I could think.
2 - "Do you love me?"
I answered that question already. Weren't you listening?
3 - "Do I look fat?"
Auuughh! Stop asking me questions!
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
I wasn't even looking at her boobs, I was looking at the mailbox across the street.
5 - "What would you do if I died?"
Oh, these questions will kill me before they kill you so the answer is - pull up a brimstone and ask you to sit next to me so that my hell would be complete.
Oh, crap! Now I'm in trouble again.
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