Posted on 06/26/2025 3:24:09 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
Good one!
I’m switching to MCFA
MAKE COMMIES FLY AGAIN.
These are facts....
And the skeeter’s are so big they can f♡€k a turkey flat foot.
God Bless TEXAS.
.
Lived in Midland 3 yrs
An Yes This Is Texas!
Some of it is true.
Arlington for 2 years here.
I am forced to go to Texas for hospital visits of an urgent nature. And I can testify I hate Dallas traffic. The drivers are of a suicidal kamikaze nature and you do not leave two car lengths between you and the next car in front of you no matter what the speed. It is white knuckle driving and turn signals are viewed as a sign of weakness. My hotel room was facing the freeway and it is 24 hours a day of car noise interrupted by sirens. The news tells you where the latest vehicle fatalities are and while there for one night, a handcuffed prisoner stole a squad car and wrecked it while another stole an ambulance and wrecked it and somewhere in there somebody stole a bulldozer and did something (I didn’t catch what) and that was just ONE night.
He doesn’t even mention tornadoes or wasps. Or the sudden downpours.
There are huge areas of depressions in the dirt everywhere. I couldn’t figure out what they were for until it rained. They’re rain caches. In every neighborhood. On just about every corner.
But the heat and humidity are the worst. Walk out of a Walmart at your glasses fog up.
Then there are the winters.
Agent Smith: I’d like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species, New Yorkers and other urbane city dwellers. I realized that you’re not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you New Yorkers do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. New York city and Los Angeles, San Francisco, are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we Texans are the cure.
Let Me fix this The foliage in question here is REALLY JUNIPER’s not Cedar.
Regarding the heat/humidity-We moved to Houston from Old Bridge, NJ in July 1969 and while we were unloading the moving truck it was 100°F and around 7000% humidity !!! I asked Dad when we were going Home. His reply was “Thisi is Home.” Major weather and culture shock for us “Yankee’s” and after staying in Texas we upgraded to “DAMNED YANKEE’s” because we didn’t go back North of the Masey-Dixie Line.
The trick to dealing with the Juniper Allergy is to take 6 or so of the Ripe Berries and swallow them like pills with a beer to wash them down. I know it sounds weird but it WORKS.
“But the heat and humidity are the worst.”
Amen. I lived in the Houston-Galveston area for 25 years (and before that, 20 years in equally-humid SW Louisiana) and whenever I catch myself moaning about the peak heat times in Phoenix I remind myself of the insufferable humidity I left behind. Being able to completely dry off after a shower (in a bathroom with NO fog on the mirror) is one of the many joys of living in the desert SW.
The high temps here are only insane for relatively small part of the year and the rest of the time the dry air takes the sting out of almost any temperature.
Related... A Texan reads his electric bill as a Faulkner novel.
https://youtube.com/shorts/EeZjqEYxkZk?si=Dnc-n9S3QUZnALvh
This New Yorker manages. But I am very unusual. Been here decades
New Yorkers stay away from Texas. Stay in NY. Last thing needed here is your stupid ass democrat voting.
I once spotted a snake in my backyard, ran into the house telling hub, in my best ‘using the F word properly’, Long Island vernacular, screeched,‘there’s a -snake out there. That Texan dropped what he was doing, said, “Can I see it?!”
Forward 10 years, backing out of the garage the kids in the back seat alerted me to a snake nest to the car. I got out, went to the tool box for my hatchet, quietly hacked that critter in half. Off limits!
And yes I’ve seen rattlesnake in the wild. Sharks are in the water. This thing is in your territory It is a beautiful, efficient, poisonous, frightening sight. The only way to see it is in a car with the local Texan cops managing
Winter - that’s when Ted Cruz, who I understand, is trying to sell Texas to New Yorkers, he leaves for the Caribbean
It can get to single digits with precipitation. That her is ice. You are house bound in every way. You have to plan for 4 day power outage in that. Much to the surprise of some silly people that means the house gets to single digits without planning
“Everyone here has a gun. Our grandmothers own a gun”
Ya.
Here, when you hear something outside or so calll the cops. They’re not all over the place like Suffolk County Police are. NYPD. They’ll ask, “ do you have your weapon with you, Ma’am?”
“35 has been under construction since 1865” the entire 3 decades I have been here.
Recently I left work after 8 PM. Got stuck in a construction jam on 35. I arrived home a 20 minute drive no traffic, at 2 AM. It was 5 miles in 4 hours.
Bkmk
It's not stopping all the Muslims going there.
It's not stopping all the Muslims going there.
““35 has been under construction since 1865” the entire 3 decades I have been here.
Recently I left work after 8 PM. Got stuck in a construction jam on 35. I arrived home a 20 minute drive no traffic, at 2 AM. It was 5 miles in 4 hours.
Any New Yorke who thinks they can dream of going into a DOT meeting to tell Texas DOT how to manage anything will learn quickly they have a term damn Yankee. It’s a step up from Yankee that marginalizes you and anything you would say for ever
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