[outofsalt]

My identity was hacked and my credit score went up.
(Old gag, but not far off)

[rktman]

I was hoping after the assclowns got our debit cards they’d feel bad and make a deposit. No such luck.

[Rurudyne]

A fella recently posted that at the rate things are going we would be living in vans under a bridge by the river.

I demanded to know how he knew my retirement plan.

[BipolarBob]

My place is so run down and trashy a tornado came by and did $15,000 worth of improvement which got my taxes raised.