Wait . . . are we supposed to inhale or exhale? 
Posted on 11/16/2020 6:19:33 PM PST by be-baw
It’s New Year’s Eve, and you’re lying in bed vomiting maraschino-hued bile into a small Mason jar. The room is spinning, your partner is shaking their damn head, and you are zonked out of your mind and longing for death. This is a strictly hypothetical situation, because I am a skilled wordsmith with a penchant for devising such boozy scenarios. But if I had personally lived this experience—which I haven’t—I’d probably be interested in a way to quickly clear excess booze from my body. Fortunately, the Canadians are on the case: according to The Guardian, researchers in Canada have discovered that hyperventilation can significantly increase the body’s alcohol metabolization rate.
God bless Canada.
The Toronto team described the process in a proof-of-concept paper published in Scientific Reports. During the study, the team had five adults each drink half a glass of vodka on two separate occasions. After the first drink, participants needed between two and three hours to clear half of the ethanol from their body. After the second drink, subjects were instructed to hyperventilate into a device which regulates carbon dioxide levels in the blood. According to lead researcher Joseph Fisher, each breath helped subjects release evaporated alcohol, leading to the body to metabolize the ethanol in the booze three times faster.
The treatment may sound like a glorious hangover cure. Unfortunately, researchers found that the process worked best for “high levels of intoxication,” like those seen in alcohol poisoning. New Year’s Eve revelers will just have to stick to tried-and-true methods like rapid pho consumption. Once again, I do not know from experience. I’ve never even seen a beer.
Canucklehead!
I don’t know how long ago I was that drunk.
And I don’t miss it at all.
>>The room is spinning, your partner is shaking their damn head
Always a bad night when your partner in bed has 2 heads.
It’s New Year’s Eve.....?
Amateur. Most people can wait till 3 AM. New Year’s Day before they get that ill.
I am a skilled wordsmith...
A Legend in her Own Mind.
Ping the McKenzie brothers.
Well, that explains Canada.
We knew this back when I was in college. The first time.
Wait . . . are we supposed to inhale or exhale?
My thought exactly.
25 years sober the middle December. Maybe help sober up, but no help for hangover, or life.
I can't read a lot of the words in the OP. Squares and unintelligible symbols.
Is this happening to anybody else? Yes, I'm logged in.
“Always a bad night when your partner in bed has 2 heads.”
Worse, it sounds more like Siamese twins who share the same head.
I have an English degree, and the use of “their” as a personal pronoun to refer to an individual of unknown gender is now considered correct (unfortunately).
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/grammar/pronouns/gendered_pronouns_and_singular_they.html
This is primarily the result of the politicization of language. Not everyone is on board with this. I think it is plainer to say “his or her” rather than “their” in this case.
There were so many options to accomplish the (dubious) goal of creating a 'non-genderized' third-person singular personal pronoun, that didn't involve destroying our only third person plural pronoun. How did we come to this absurd 'solution' (even assuming that there was a problem that needed solving)?
I don’t approve of impaired driving (although, I’m not claiming there were no transgressions in the past) — but, if you’re ever pulled over for a breath test, hyperventilating might get you off.
A roadside breath test is just a proxy for blood-alcohol levels. It does not measure blood-alcohol content directly (you need a blood test for that — duh!). There’s a good; but not perfect correlation between breath-alcohol levels and blood-alcohol levels. The hyperventilation (deep breaths only!) clears out a lot of the alcohol vapors that have accumulated in the far recesses of your lungs. It can shave maybe a point off your reading. Just do it before the cop is standing there watching you.
2 Canadians driving around drinking bottles of beer- cops pull up behind them- driver says
“Quick, pull the labels off the bottles”
passenger does- then they stick the labels to their foreheads
Cop comes up to window, says “You boys been drinkin”?
Driver says “Nope- honest we haven’t, look, (points to labels) We’re on the patch”
[[Squares and unintelligible symbols.
Is this happening to anybody else?]]
this happened awhile back, years ago- posting articles resulted in weird symbols- went on for quite some time- then it got fixed- now looks like it’s back again
Agreed.
Laugh out loud. Thanks.
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