The unwillingness to name the perpetrator is because the victim thinks/believes that they did something wrong and are responsible themselves for the abuse. They take on the shame of the abuse and don't want to share it/talk about it/tell anyone.
I've talked about this before here on FR that I was married to a victim of sexual abuse for nearly thirty years. It was her father that did it. I had no idea my now ex-wife was a sexual abuse victim for the first ten years of our marriage.
Once she finally told me, so many things about her, our marriage and the dysfunction of it made sense. Spent twenty years trying to get her help afterwards. Stayed in the marriage until our kids were grown and through high school and off to college then split up and divorced.
I cannot tell you how messed up she was from what she went through. The torment of carrying that shame which was not hers to bear all those years had to be crushing.
To say "one day she snapped" would be an understatement and I didn't recognize her, her behavior, literally anything about her. We divorced, my boys are with me when they're home from school and she's off doing whatever.
As I said in a previous post, the damage done to these young girls/young women by these sick assholes goes far beyond the act of the abuse itself and messes up these women for the rest of their lives. The collateral damage it does to families going forward is near immeasurable.
I could start citing the stats off the top of my head, not going to bother. I'm sure someone would come along and dispute them/ridicule them/make a joke out of them after seeing some of the other threads on this topic over the last few days and I just don't have it in me to set those chuckleheads straight this late at night.
I know that the words are inadequate, but I just want to say how sorry I am for what your former wife experienced and has dealt with for decades, and for what the abuse is still doing to your entire family all these years later. I truly cannot imagine, but you helped give me some idea with your posts. She never really stood a chance; none of you did, I guess, given all that she suffered.
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry for what you all went through.
I found out not many years before my elderly mother died, that she and her sister had been repeatedly molested by a “hired man” and the girls were too afraid and ashamed to tell their parents.
Both of them became alcoholics and my mother had a very tormented life in many ways and our whole family was pretty messed up. Finding that out explained a lot.
similar situation with my third mate. she and her younger sister were both abused by their step-dad over a period of several years. tried talking thru it, she did therapy and then we both did couples group therapy, and ending up splitting. no kids together, fortunately. she took her own life ten years later. once their broke you can't fix 'em.
peace brother
Thank you for telling it like it is. People who suffered rape as children, their lives are a struggle in the aftermath if they somehow manage not to kill themselves.