I know that the words are inadequate, but I just want to say how sorry I am for what your former wife experienced and has dealt with for decades, and for what the abuse is still doing to your entire family all these years later. I truly cannot imagine, but you helped give me some idea with your posts. She never really stood a chance; none of you did, I guess, given all that she suffered.
I’m so sorry.
No, she didn't. We didn't either. Here I am at almost 55 years old trying to piece my life back together and dealing with two sons (19, 21) who know something's wrong with their mother but don't know what it is. They know they don't have the mother/son relationship they should have through it all and that breaks my heart. There's nothing I can do other than be the best father I can which includes encouraging them to love their mother and do their best to have some sort of relationship with her.
As for her, she not surprisingly has been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and is incapable of forming deep human relationships and emotional bonds because of the sexual abuse she suffered. That's typical of anyone male or female who's a victim of sexual abuse and the divorce rate among those who've been sexually abused is well over 80%.
Pastors, Counselors all told me I fought an uphill battle for many years. I felt it was the right thing to do at the time as I took my marriage vows quite seriously. Now I'm not so sure it was the right thing to do. Some days I can look myself in the mirror and say to myself "I did all I could" and other days I second guess everything.
All I know for certain is this: One day I'll stand before God and He will be the judge of whether or not I did the right thing, and I did all I could given what I knew at the time. I do not look forward to that day either way.