Posted on 02/09/2017 5:27:39 AM PST by C19fan
I hear ya, Van. My wife of 20 years has had a “headache” for more than half of those years. She “lost all interest” after a hysterectomy but I’m still good to go, so to speak. I’m just permanently benched.
And there ain’t jack I can do about it. I can’t say anything (though I keep hinting) and I sure can’t force the issue at risk of arrest or worse. I don’t cheat so that option is off the table as well.
I thought marriage involved a certain level of shared sacrifice and “taking one for the team” now and then, but I was wrong. Or at least I was wrong to think that was a 2-way street. She holds all the cards. I love my wife but now I wear a swim suit when I take a shower because I’m morally opposed to looking down on the unemployed.
It’s frustrating as hell but I wonder how many other married men (millions?) go to work every morning just horny as hell and savagely frustrated.
Yeah, I know it’s all just self-pity. Sorry. *Sigh*
This is a really sad thread to read. I’ve been married 34 years, keep myself fit and well groomed, stayed at home with all my kids who are now grown. I give myself physically, willingly and lovingly, to my husband...all he has to do is be nice to me, as in a joke, a laugh, a smile, talk to me, hold my hand, treat me like a lady. No walking around pissed all the time, no silent treatment, none of that silly crap. I will follow him anywhere. I can’t be the only woman on the planet who feels this way.
And if your marriage isn’t based on the Bible, it’s unlikely to survive.
It’s just the sad truth, DNME. Lots of guys aren’t told that the physical intimacy aspect isn’t a guarantee, and when it’s gone....well that’s that. It becomes just a punch-line in sitcoms.
have an extra beer on me, man.
Your wife either needs a good doctor or you need to examine the way you treat her. It’s not normal for a woman to just give up sex with her husband.
I'm 35 and even women just 5 years younger than my wife and I - the quality is significantly lower as that group went through college with facebook/myspace and online dating/hook up apps whereas mine age did not.
Next month will be my 35th anniversary and the entire marriage has been that way, not from physical but mental issues on her part.
I knew of the massive abuse she had from her father when she was young but the over three years we were together prior to marriage she was a smart, wonderful, and "attentive" woman. The very day she said "I do" she didn't anymore. I had grown up in a really great family and didn't know anyone from dysfunctional families so I never knew what a sociopath was. My wife was/is one of them. I kept my vows to God about our marriage and I do love her in some ways and we have always had great conversations and think quite a bit alike but true love and also physical intimacy left on the day of our wedding.
“I’m 35 and even women just 5 years younger than my wife and I - the quality is significantly lower as that group went through college with facebook/myspace and online dating/hook up apps whereas mine age did not.”
A few factors for this off the top of my head:
*The food: From the quality of it (imported from ?) to having generation(s) who think cooking consists of “a box of mac & cheese”, microwaved crap, takeout and triple decker lattes.
*Jobs, where they sit 6+ hours a day.
*Getting pumped up with birth control pills, etc. at younger and younger ages.
^Greater consumption of drugs, both illegal and legal.
*Greater number of sex partners.
Leaves them looking like wet, used up catcher’s mitts at younger ages, 100%.
You aren’t the only one!!!!
Uh I don’t think so. But thanks for being a doosh. Sorry I couldn’t help it. :-)
This is a way with extreme pitfalls. Friends of mine have gone through hell when their foreign-born wife divorces them, gets a new sugar daddy from the Old Country, "takes the kids to see grandma" in the foreign land and never returns the kids. It can take 7 years or more to extract kids from a country that does not have good legal systems set up with the U.S. for such matters; and don't look to the State Department of our broke government to care about the child of a white or black Christian or Jewish U.S. citizen. All our money is going to illegals and refugees.
That's ludicrous. What state is that? Most divorce agreements contain an explicit Quitclaim clause applying to real property and/or the estate of each other.
Yeah I used to think that until a friend had the will contested by the ex. Anyone can contest a will. They may not win but it may not be worth the money to fight it. The property in question came from her family. She just didn’t want it in the divorce because it had no worth to her.
What is hard to contest is the Community Property rights of a spouse. Everything flows seamlessly.
That's rather circular logic, there. Like saying, "next time you are at Baskin-Robbins, count the people who like ice cream."
If what you describe is accurate, you really need to find a good marriage counselor and a lawyer, plan your exit as Plan B, and insist she cooperate with Plan A — marriage counseling.
I’m a woman and I say this. Living without sex in marriage due to the other person’s unwillingness is abusive.
On the other hand, if it’s really a case of you being passive and fearful of her and her looking for you to approach her in some other way than what you have been doing, and both of you failed to communicate and eventually gave up, re-read the solution in Paragraph 1 and skip the lawyer part until such time as counseling might convince you there’s no going back.
If your car had a loud rattle and “check engine” lights going on, you wouldn’t hesitate to spend money to get it fixed. Fixing your marriage is critically important to your health, finances and longevity, not even to mention your happiness and that of any children who may be witnessing this role modeling, no matter how old said children are.
You have a flair for expression. My husband of many years laughed with me and agreed that your history must be something really interesting. LOL.
“I kept my vows to God ... “
Exactly where I live, OldMissileer. I swore an oath.
(By the way, my Air Force decorations included the basic “pocket rocket” though I only handled them for test firing, not alert duty. Still got it.)
If I were to go the foreign wife route, I’d leave the USA, 100%.
Importing in a foreign wife is effectively a waste of time; the “Western” virus will most likely contaminate her. And being on 24x7 “shoveling s**t against the tide” duty ISN’T what I’m going to end up doing with an import; might as well settle (very) down with an Americana.
No, the soil is too contaminated here, to me anyway. Not saying it’s perfect everywhere else, but, it does appear to be one Hell of a lot better than it is here.
Sadly, my life isn't as interesting as you would think. I am just a never married man in his mid 30's who is awake to what the world actually is. It is unfortunate that the situation has become this bad, but Biblically, this is what it is all coming down to. I can't claim that my thoughts on this issue are entirely my own original creation, but rather the amalgamation of years of research and lots of anecdotal experience. The Red Pill saves lives.
Again, the experience of some men is marrying in a foreign country and working there, but finding it so ecomomically difficult that they both agree to come to the U.S. to have children. And then, just as you described, she wants out eventually, and then the kids are who knows where.
For a male U.S. citizen to go somewhere else and get a good job that would support a family is no easy feat, either. Even Australia doesn’t want anyone over 40 who can’t prove they can support themselves well before gaining admittance. Unlike our immigration program, most countries have standards, at least for whites or Christians.
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