Dear Prospective Employer:
As you will see from my attached resume, I have worked on the McCain Campaign 2008, the Romney Campaign in 2012, and most recently have been working with Jeb Bush helping him to rediscover his Mexican Roots and to “Make America Mexico Again.”
I worked feverishly at pissing away all of his donated money from PACS; I helped him identify those Hispanic groups he could pander to; and I helped him moan and whine about how “nobody gets him.” I am excellent at deception, delusion and diversion, and I can spend that money like a drunken sailor in Hong Kong.
In closing, please consider me for the position advertised. I WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN (as long as your money holds out).
Sincerely,
Finneas Carbunkle Whitfield Jones III, esq.
Thank you for your letter of introduction and the enclosed resume.
I will shortly be heading up an exploratory committee for the Rick Perry for President 2020 campaign. As I'm sure Mr. Jeb Bush has conveyed to you, Rick Perry has a heart almost as big as Jeb's and as he contemplates another joyous run for the presidency, I am looking to put together a solid team that will help achieve this end.
Mr. Whitfield Jones II, I believe you have the qualifications and experience we are looking for. We are very interested indeed in having you join the "Perry 2020" team. You will be hearing from us shortly. Also, should you have access to the individual who coached Jeb Bush on his recent debates, would you be so kind as to forward his/her contact information to us? We would like to get started as soon as possible in prepping Mr. Perry for his upcoming debates in 2019.
Sincerely,
Percy Ann Smithfield III, esq.
The Perry for President 2020 Committee
P.S., if you have any of those guaca bowles still hanging around, please bring them over with you. We love our guacamole in Texas.
Dear Prospective Employee, three strikes and your out
Great! The resume and response to it are incredible.