Replies

USofA has LOTS of lists; too...

Patient: Cough - cough

Receptionist: Hello; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

Patient: I have this bad cough.

Receptionist: I can see that; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

Patient: I need some medicine to cure it.

Receptionist: That might be true; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

Patient: I need to see the Doctor.

Receptionist: That might be true; but really you just WANT to see the Doctor.

Patient: No; I really need to see him about this cough. It's getting worse.

Receptionist: If you insist. Sit down with this pad of forms and fill in the data.

Patient: OOf! that is HEAVY! I thought the United States Health and Wellbeing Service got rid of paper LONG ago?

Receptionist: We did; but the HatefulConservatives kept complaining that patients identities were constantly being stolen and they wanted to starve children by making us go back to paper files again.

Patient: I see.

Receptionist: Mumble: I'll bet you do...

a few moments later...

Patient: Miss;

Receptionist: That's MS; if you please!

Patient: Ok; MS; the text on the page is AWFULLY small and my bleary eyes cannot make out a lot of it.

Receptionist: (heavy sigh) OK; what can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?

Patient: Could someone HELP me with this?

Receptionist: LOOK! I get paid to ask you "What can the United States Health and Wellbeing Service do for you?" NOT baby sit your problems! You should have brought in a caregiver if you needed help!!

Patient: But I didn't know...

Receptionist: OK, ok, ok... I'll read them to you; but do NOT let anyone else in the waiting room know.

Patient: All right.

Receptionist: 1. Have you followed the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

Patient: I think so.

Receptionist: Yes or No!

Patient: Uh; yes.

Receptionist: 2. HAve you exercized the correct hours each day, as prescribed by the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

Patient: Yes.

Receptionist: 3. have you eaten the correct amount of fruit, as prescribed by the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

Patient: Yes.

Receptionist: 4. Have you drunk the correct fluids, as prescribed by the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

Patient: Yes.

Receptionist: 5. Have you had sex, in the authorized positions, as prescribed by the United States Health and Wellbeing Service Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations?

Patient: WHAT???

Receptionist: 5. Have you had sex, in the ...

Patient: I HEARD THAT!!! What!!??!!

Receptionist: Sigh; did you NOT receive the update from the United States Health and Wellbeing Service that amended the Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations - Rev 13.69?

Patient: uh; I only have a copy that is Rev 13.68...

Receptionist: Ah... there's your problem. Since you've NOT followed the Guideline for Good Health rules and regulations COMPLETELY; it is evident that you have made yourSELF sick; and we at the United States Health and Wellbeing Service only treat those who have gotten sick from FOLLOWING the rules.

Patient: But...

Receptionist: Next!!!