Posted on 12/19/2015 3:46:52 PM PST by Kaslin
Should parents "discipline" their children rather than "punish" them? And is this distinction especially important for Christian parents?
Yes and yes.
Far from synonymous, these associated words carry vastly different meanings. As Mark Twain famously said, "The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning."
In the case of discipline and punishment, 'tis the difference between light and lightning.
Big Difference
To discipline one's children is to rebuke, correct, and train them because you love them too much to let them grow into harmful, hateful, ungrateful people. Discipline proceeds from love and mercy.
To punish one's children is to retaliate in a (usually flawed) attempt to exact retribution by imposing pain, shame, or another penalty. Punishment proceeds from wrath and justice.
What's wrong with justice? Not a thing, in proper context, and when its ministers are just. As fallen beings, though, we tend to distort truths and ideals as we imperfectly apply them, leaving catastrophe in our wake.
Context Is King
In the context of societal laws, politics, and defense, administering justice protects the masses. The very possibility of living under just rulers is a gift from God, who (according to Genesis 6-9 and Romans 13) established human government to administer justice in response to increasing human violence on the earth.
In the context of divine judgment, justice is either awesome or terrible, and maybe both, depending on where you stand.
For continuity, take the God of the Bible. At a time he has appointed, God (who is inherently just) will fully dispense his wrath (i.e., justice) on those who fall short of holiness sinners. This category comprises every human, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," and "the wages of sin is death" (Romans 3:23, 6:23). God will make (and has made) special exception for those whose punishment God diverted to his Son, the Christ (i.e., Messiah), who took on human flesh nearly 2,000 years ago in order to qualify as man's substitute, and bore man's punishment (i.e., God's justice) by being crucified. Afterward Christ rose from the dead and appeared to many, proving his sacrifice effective (for "if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins," 1 Corinthians 15:17). A just God will not double-punish. Those who follow Christ will receive (and have received) God's mercy, Christ having absorbed God's justice for them. Those who do not follow Christ will receive God's justice.
Why We Don't Punish
Parents (especially Christian ones) who punish their children i.e., impose shame or pain to try to close the justice gap only widen it, for three reasons.
First, and particularly applicable to Christians: if God does not double-punish, neither should we. Christ was crucified so that our kids don't have to be. (You either.)
Second, as fallen beings, we parents often have a skewed view of justice, frequently calling on God or someone else to rain down justice on others while irrationally exempting ourselves.
Third, outside of a legal system, justice is ours to keep but not to dispense not to our children, and not to others. This is why parents go to the police and courts when someone harms their kids, rather than go vigilante. (Would it be just to imprison, torture, and kill your daughter's rapist? Ultimately, yes. Is it your place to do these things? No. Is it the government's? Partially. Will they all eventually happen? Yes, and eternally, per God's justice unless that depraved person becomes a follower of Christ, in which case Christ has already borne God's justice for him.
Punishment is an aspect of Discipline.
They are not opposites. It’s like saying “car owners should top off their fluids, not their oil.”
Excellent point
And stop torturing common sense!
Punishment is an aspect of Discipline.
They are not opposites. This is like saying “car owners should top off the fluids, not the oil, in their cars.”
And stop torturing common sense!
Punishment is an aspect of Discipline.
They are not opposites. This is like saying “car owners should top off the fluids, not the oil, in their cars.”
I could not have said it any better
Discipline comes from the same root word as discipleship...it is instruction and teaching.
This piece is nicely put together...hardly qualifies as psychobabble ( and the world has enough of that)
I disciplined my children and they turned out very well. I could have done the same thing and called it punishment, and the results would have been very much the same.
The usual fans of hitting and shaming children will pile on.
Parents spank their children because they can’t be bothered thinking, reflecting, figuring out how they are modeling bad behavior to their children, etc.
So much easier to spank them and humiliate them. And then wonder, once they move out, why you never hear from them.
My point is that punishment is correction, as is discipline. For the writer to put punishment into the category of retaliation is a gross straw man. That is what I meant by unwarranted selective definition.
The author is making up his own definitions to based his argument on, as a primary definition of discipline is "control that is gained by requiring that rules or orders be obeyed and punishing bad behavior" (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discipline)
Discipline is exercised by inflicting punishment, the latter of which can also be done as merely punitive retribution. God punishes His own as a consequence of sin so that they will repent, as well as develop better character, as well as to teach them or others that sin has a cost. King David, though forgiven, realized this. "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." (Hebrews 12:6) But He also punishes the lost in retribution for sins.
Ha! I was filleted, sauteed, and pureed as a child.
It worked, too!
When I was growing up the most terrifying words my Dad ever said were: Bring me my belt.
My Dad had one belt.
It was used on Sunday to hold his trousers up and Monday through Saturday to discipline children.
BTW, Monday through Saturday he wore overalls. No belt required.
"Go get the stick."
If I ever have kids, they will not get any leeway from me for bad behavior. I know too many spoiled brats who didn’t get whapped enough and are horrid people.
This is complete nonsense.
We used the 1-2-3 method with our kids. Count to three and (the book says give them a time three minute out at three).
My wife did straight cadence and the time out. The kids would ignore her.
I did a spanking at three (three swats to the arse). Varied the cadence to keep them on their toes. Works like a charm every time. I can count on one hand the number of times I had to spank both of the kids.
When I start counting they hop-to to whatever I wanted. My wife...is ignored and she can’t understand it.
Lack of discipline from lack of punishment has resulted in the spoiled brats doing all the mass shootings because they want to act out.
Thankfully, my parents and relatives would indeed keep me in line through the application of a limber stick known as a 'switch'.
If I was bad enough to get it at a relatives, I'd be punished and disciplined at home, too.
While not 100% effective, it did force me to weigh the possible consequences against any act I might endeavour which was not sanctioned.
Considering my parents often knew where I had been and what I had done before I got home if I was out of line, it was, on balance, sufficient.
A mere 2 ft. by 2 ft. square, taped onto the floor with masking tape. She was required to stand, hands at her sides, silent and still for intervals of 5 minutes to start, the clock reset if she stepped out or said something.
She is older now, and still remembers it.
It worked as a punishment. Afterwards, we would discuss the reasons for being punished and what not to do. She learned, and is a fine young lady to this day.
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