Posted on 10/13/2015 5:27:50 PM PDT by Altura Ct.
The New York Times is not just the Paper of Record. It is, among so very many other things, the adjudicator of acceptable opinion, the arbiter of style, and the guide for the perplexed. It was thus with humble gratitude that males, all of whom are prostrate betas before the Times’ grand alpha, received the article that appeared last week in the Men’s Style/Self-Help section: “27 Ways to Be a Modern Man.”
How would we know, if the New York Times didn’t tell us?
Brian Lombardi, the Times’ appointed oracle on what makes a Modern Man, is as gnomic and enigmatic as any of his Delphic predecessors. He tells us, for example, that “the modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.” My best guess as to what this could possibly mean is that it is a reference to the Wu-Tang Clan, which, I am informed, is “an American hip hop group from New York City, originally composed of East Coast rappers RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna, and the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard.”
That’s right: “the late Ol’ Dirty Bastard.” There are plenty of us still alive, but never mind. Brian Lombardi’s epigrammatic utterances include no explanation of why modern man must consult Wu-Tang weekly. There is no why. One does not question the oracle.
But then, there is this:
The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
Very well, but also:
The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
If Modern Man must never own a gun, that’s his choice. But he “has no use” for one? What if the intruder who storms his bedroom is too strong for Modern Man to fight off unarmed? What if the intruder has a knife — or is even so much of an Antiquated Man as to have a gun?
What can Modern Man do then? Reach for the melon baller that Lombardi advises he use to make sure “the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves” are “uniformly shaped”?
A clue as to how all this sage advice hangs together comes in the oracle’s penultimate utterance:
The modern man cries. He cries often.
Perhaps the Modern Man is so given to such displays because the intruder was indeed armed, and Modern Man wasn’t, and Modern Man’s wife had no chance to get away.
That possibility, however, almost certainly didn’t occur to Brian Lombardi or his New York Times editors. They no doubt agree: “the Modern Man has no use for a gun.” Barack Obama and John Kerry are quintessential examples of this Modern Man. They live in a world where all people are rational, gentle, peace-loving, and concerned about saving the planet and sharing her resources. That includes the Ayatollah Khamenei and Hassan Rouhani. Hell, it includes Kim Jong-un and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.
Brian Lombardi could have added a 28th characteristic of the Modern Man: “the Modern Man assumes that everyone he ever encounters in any situation, no matter how threatening, irrational, or actively violent, is also a Modern Man.” There is, in other words, no one who cannot be talked to, no one who cannot be negotiated with, no one who doesn’t prize Peace above all things, and no one who isn’t willing to make concessions and receive them in turn, in order to bring about and preserve that Peace.
I’m good with the killing and burning but have you ever LISTENED to the lamentations of their Wimminz?
Dude, I’d choose extinction.
Modern Man has never had more use for a defensive weapon, now that the "progressives" have downgraded felonies to misdemeanors subject to citations, and absolved the most vicious of our domestic subcultures from all personal responsibilities, and given free license to scream hate speech without restraint, and to use illegal, stolen guns totally unrestrained.
Does the ordinary citizen of today need legal guns?
More than ever before in my lifetime!
What the New York Times has to say has no more value or truth than a bucketful of spit!
I’m looking forward to the Times staff trying to barricade itself in their offices when their creations come calling.
I hope the grid stays up long enough for the broadcast. Must see TV.
Iron my shirt!
You’re a stud!!!
P.S. (When you’re not crying)
Ask them if they had to skin an animal of any size in order to eat, and watch the groinal stain spread!
The Modern Man is gullible enough to believe that he is actually the father of his wife’s children.
One of the many reasons why starvation will be a problem for them.
Imagine one of the little snowflakes with zero knowledge of how to fend for themselves on the most basic level trying to do anything to sustain themselves when their ideas of food prep involve a trip to an artesinal gay grocer for some fair labor free range Kale.
Look how many guys get manicures and pedicures today. Not real surprising they enjoy ‘facials’ also.
The modern so-called NYT’s “man” will be the first one eaten by the crocodile.
I will not attend the funeral unless the death is treated as a reason to drink beer, scarf down roasted bacon-wrapped chestnuts and generally celebrate the end of the NYT’s “man.”
About a year I read an article by some lib magazine writer who moved himself and his family to a dangerous part of a big city just so he could be close to different ethnic restaurants. That's the way they think.
What he said...
That graphic is so funny, I stole it.
Look how many guys get manicures and pedicures today
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
I got a manicure once, just for the heckuvit. I was with my wife and I asked the manicurist if she would give me a 10% discount on a manicure because I only have 9 fingers, due to one of them having been amputated.
She said she sure would give me a 10% discount, she did the job and I paid 90%............ But I gave her a nice tip.
That’s fine.
I stole it too.
book marked
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.