Posted on 04/01/2015 7:15:30 AM PDT by Wolfie
The dude lived the American dream.
OK raise your hand if you had one. And no cheating. :-)
I beg to differ, the Kardashians are pikers compared to the marketing of Lord Foul, Kenyan muslim communist from nothing to President in only a few short years.
How do you know when your pet rock is dead?
Was he stoned?
A page with the Pet Rock book (and some annoying nagging to sign up to see other stuff)
Perhaps you have seen a particular rock in the wild and thought it would make a nice pet. DO NOT APPROACH THAT ROCK This is to be discouraged. Wild rocks can give you nothing but headaches. They can be surly, vicious, and unpredictable. They are nearly impossible to domesticate and show practically no learning abilities whatsoever. There's an old saying in rock circles, "Once a wild rock, always a wild rock." A genuine, pedigreed PET ROCK will make a much more suitable companion.
No wonder the wild rock my parents made me capture and tame instead of buying me a Pet Rock was so much trouble.
Imagine a company printing this now. They lawyers would be stacked deeper than the sharks that attacked the survivors of the USS Indianapolis.
Long Distance Attacks.In those instances when your adversary is at a distance (such as when a bully kicks sand in your face on the beach and keeps on running), your PET ROCK will respond to the challenge instantly and effectively in assuring that it never happens again. First, wipe the sand from your eyes. Next, pick-up your PET ROCK. Shout the command, ATTACK , and throw your rock at the bully with all your might. This method of protection is sure-fire and results are guaranteed, although you may want to practice your aim before attempting this maneuver.
Paul Simon I Am A Rock
A winter’s day
In a deep and dark
December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I’ve built walls,
A fortress steep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
Don’t talk of love,
Well I’ve heard the words before;
It’s sleeping in my memory.
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.
Did they mate and reproduce?.................
Nope, never did. I was surrounded by wild rocks at the time........... Marine Corps Base 29 Palms, California
AHAHAHA THANK YOU!!
He took his customers for granite.
Who will take care of all of Mr. Dahl’s own personal Pet Rocks? - I think we may have actually purchased one back then; but, of course, we would have eventually shirked our responsibility to the rock and tossed it out into a generic rock pile somewhere. - I can’t volunteer to adopt Mr. Dahl’s Pet Rocks, as my own personal history of negligence toward Pet Rocks would disqualify me (whew!)!
I succeeded in getting my Pet Rock to “roll over” when I tossed it down a hill. It rolled over several times before stopping at the foot of the hill.
Selling bottled not-much-different-than-tap water is right up there.
Rumor has it he will be buried at Pebble Beach.
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