A page with the Pet Rock book (and some annoying nagging to sign up to see other stuff)
Perhaps you have seen a particular rock in the wild and thought it would make a nice pet. DO NOT APPROACH THAT ROCK This is to be discouraged. Wild rocks can give you nothing but headaches. They can be surly, vicious, and unpredictable. They are nearly impossible to domesticate and show practically no learning abilities whatsoever. There's an old saying in rock circles, "Once a wild rock, always a wild rock." A genuine, pedigreed PET ROCK will make a much more suitable companion.
No wonder the wild rock my parents made me capture and tame instead of buying me a Pet Rock was so much trouble.
Imagine a company printing this now. They lawyers would be stacked deeper than the sharks that attacked the survivors of the USS Indianapolis.
Long Distance Attacks.In those instances when your adversary is at a distance (such as when a bully kicks sand in your face on the beach and keeps on running), your PET ROCK will respond to the challenge instantly and effectively in assuring that it never happens again. First, wipe the sand from your eyes. Next, pick-up your PET ROCK. Shout the command, ATTACK , and throw your rock at the bully with all your might. This method of protection is sure-fire and results are guaranteed, although you may want to practice your aim before attempting this maneuver.