When guys find out I’m a virgin [author is a 26 year old female Christian]

Salon ^ | October 5, 2014 | Ellen Burkhardt

[grundle]

There’s no good time to tell a guy you’re a virgin. First date? Too much, too soon. Wait until the third date and you risk being considered a tease. Second date? Perhaps, but at this point you’re both still fretting over whether or not to eat another piece of bread; delving into sexual histories (or lack thereof) seems a bit extreme. So: There’s no good time to tell a guy you’re a virgin. Even worse? Telling him you’re waiting until marriage.

[DoughtyOne]

The Bible tells us to repent when we sin, which means, of course, first acknowledging our sin, then seeking God’s forgiveness, then comes “go and sin no more”.

I believe in that.  I do think we need to be open to the idea we've gone astray.  We do need to evaluate and modify our actions.  We're sinners.

Prior to my conversion, I lived with my first wife for years before we married. We assumed we would marry during that time. But we were still living in sin.

I'm not trying to make the case that people should be intimate and live together for years.  I don't think people shoud cohabit until they are married.

I don't think people should have out of wedlock intimacy for a long period before marriage either.  I have tried to make the case that God knows what is in the heart, and if people have committed in their heart, under some circumstances it may be okay to have relations before the actual day.

What is marriage?  It is an official act before God, the church, and society.  If you have made a committment in your heart, haven't you already committed the act before God?

I know it was a made up situation, but what about those two on the island?  If they were shipwrecked in their early 20s, and they were never found, should they be judged to be sinners if they committed to each other and lived as a married committed couple?  I don't think so.

I just don't believe God would fault them for spending their life as man and wife as opposed to only living there absent the comfort of intimacy and being unified both mentally and physically.

If this exception exists, it seems to me others might also.  I am not God.  I'm not seeking to speak for Him.  These are my thoughts as an older man who has give the issue some thought.    

So what is the Biblical “cutoff for having sex before marriage”, where it is “ok” ? 2 days ? What about 2 weeks ? 2 years ?

The Bible says when two people become man and wife.  I'm not seeking to state the Bible provides instruction on deviating from that.  I am simply saying that as a thinking person, it seems reasoned for some exceptions to exist.  Hey, I could be wrong.  I'm not here to urge folks to live in sin.  I'm here to say that I am not always comfortable with literal interpretations that ignore any mitigating factors.  

If the WHOLE time, you KNOW you’re “going to get married”.

I believe that we shouldn't game the situation.  What may be reasoned because of mitigating factors should not be gamed to cover us for long term out of wedlock sitatuions.  Even then I myself have provided an example where that may be okay.  I'm not seeking to set up a sitaution where people simply live outside wedlock doing as they please.  I have said I don't belive in cohabiting before marriage.  On the island, even that may be breached.

I would be willing to state that I think it is best if people do wait until married.  I'm not advocating for everyone to come up with a plan that circumvents God's plan.  I'm just saying that sometimes we may not know God's plan as fully as we think.  I don't think God is going to send someone to eternal death over having sex 48 hours before their marriage.  I don't think he condemns the people on the island either.

The Bible does not present such a latitude, as in, “if you’re going to be married within 10 days, it’s not a sin to have sex”. All it says is that sex outside of marriage is fornication and thus a sin.

In a text provided yesterday, it also states that effeminate behavior is a sin.  Should we take that to mean that a young man born effeminate will be condemned in the final judgement?  I don't believe that, and I doubt you do either.  Some men aren't born mascline.  None the less they can live decent lives in accordance with God's directives.

The point is, I think we need to be careful when we read things in the Bible.  The God you and I love is a God of love.  I think we need to take what we read, and realize that we might not always fully grasp God's true intent.

Is God focused on the 48 hour breach, or is He focused on the casual sex with many partners?  I believe He is focused on the later.  This is my opinion.

You are quite sincere, I am only trying to help. I was completely oblivious to Scripture up until a few short years ago. When I experienced my conversion, I got very upset - by the words of the Bible - wondering if I had committed a grave sin that was not pardonable. I was REALLY worried. Finally the “bell went off” in my head - and in my heart - all my prior sins are exactly why I need the shed blood of Christ - because I did sin. All the hair-splitting in the world won’t save me; I am part of the “all fall short of the glory of God".

Yes, we all are.  I understand where you are coming from.  I appreciate your journey.  I am proud of you.  You have done the right thing.  

The unpardonable sin in my opinion, is refusing to listen to the Holy Spirit.  Even then, I believe we fall in and out with the Holy Spirit.  We can ignore it for decades, and then one day it reaches out to us again.  If we are contemplating right from wrong, we are not cut off from God.  I don't care what we have done before that moment.  If we fall on our knees with hearfelt thoughts expressing them to God, we're covered.  We should try to live a pure life after that, but falling on our knees, confessing, and accepting Jesus Christ as our personal Savior is what it's all about.

The sins prior to conversion - will be numerous and serious - that is a given. We certainly can’t expect to have much success at avoiding sin prior to the Holy Spirit dwelling within us.

I agree.  I will say that the Holy Spirit is within you whenever you think of it with respect.  Nothing good comes from Satan.  He will not remind you of the Holy Spirit, or cause you to self reflection.

The true believer, born again, converted to Christ, repents, and is cleansed of their sin by the blood of Christ.

Salvation through faith...

Thank you for your additional thoughts.

[stevie_d_64]

Yep, this is true as well, which kinda puts a bend on why she is “really” doing this...

[stevie_d_64]

“Lose the nosering and she’s not guilty.”

If she doesn’t lose the nose ring, what is she guilty of???

I would agree with you to a certain degree that tattoos are being a little overdone these days, and therefore it could be said that that is defacing, but I see no tattoos on her...

I might have missed it, did she say she had tattoos??? I dunno...

[stevie_d_64]

“discussion” was probably a poor choice of a word to use...

There are some “things” that are not quite adding up yet with me, so I am not one to throw big rocks are her just yet...

[stevie_d_64]

It is only advice, if it is sought and welcomed as virtue/wisdom in the first place...

“You can lead a horse to water...But it don’t make it right!” ;-)

[Lurking Libertarian]

I think it’s very possible to tell what kind of marriaqe it may be just from the clues in the kitchen. =)

Dashiell Hammett once wrote that, when he was a boy, his mother told him, "Dash, a woman who is no good in the kitchen isn't going to be any good in any other room of the house either."

[Wyrd bið ful aræd]

Ah, the gormless oracle opens his barking maw yet again.

Poor old es, can't you see -- YOU are my pet moonbat. My very own yapping, flapping moonbat, optimized to amuse with your feeble retorts and laughable, logic-defying theories on just about everything.

And weed is your thing -- http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2967484/posts?q=1&;page=51 -- judging by the memorable time you argued that it's a cure-all for every illness conceivable.

[TalBlack]

Why did you even bring up the subject in the conversation?

Didn’t say I did. I was referring to a few specific girls who, if they had said that to me it would not have chased me off. Not even kinda’...

[fieldmarshaldj]

Oh, I thought you might’ve been up on our male FReeper game. Where we judge the “guilt” or “innocence” of the female persuasion based on their most superficial characteristics. As an example, when there is a thread on a female teacher doing something inappropriate with an underage student, we check to see if she is pretty and vote “not guilty” or if she is someone with trollish features who will put the young man in analysis for perpetuity and gets a “guilty” vote.

I was merely saying with the hideous nosering, she is “guilty” (hence undesirable), but when the nosering comes out, she is “not guilty” (hence attractive). That’s all. And no, no mention of a tattoo (which almost always earns a “guilty” from me).

[fieldmarshaldj]

Because you see it as a “challenge.” ;-D

[editor-surveyor]

Can’t you see, you are trapped in your own bizarre imagination!

Lost in pagan idolatry, serving your daddy, despising reality that keeps invading through each contact with normal humans.

Dig your sand hole deeper, deeper, deeper, deeper....

[Wyrd bið ful aræd]

Keep yapping moonbat.

[dhs12345]

You are good. BTW, men, boys, young men are confused. It is important that you reinforce good behavior because there are so much bad out there.

And I think that girls are confused too. They want the traditional relationships and the respect that comes with it.

And there is a big difference between men and women — women are stuck with the consequences if she (they) get pregnant. But what the hey — that is what abortion is for.

We have sunk very very low.

[editor-surveyor]

So, Wyrd bið ful aræd obviously means “moonbat.”

Since Wyrd bið ful aræd is still yapping.

.

[Wyrd bið ful aræd]

I must heave a sigh...No es, Wyrd bið ful aræd does not mean moonbat. Were you not the ignorant poppinjay you've manifested yourself to be you'd recognize the distinctive tone of Old English in the phrase.

There is nothing the slightest bit clever in declaring "phrase x must mean y" when such is so obviously not the case.

I must say, it twinges my honor a wee bit to conduct a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

[editor-surveyor]

A battle of wits you’ll never join.

A battle of twits goes on inside your head eternally.
.

[Wyrd bið ful aræd]

LOL, with this calibre of reposte you'll never amount to much.

By all appearances you haven't the wit to fill a thimble. Wazzock.

[SteveH]

i for one do not associate sex with any variant of purity or impurity.

i’m calling bs that most other men (whatever their religion— religion being irrelevant to character in the large) do.

i calculate the rate of a woman meeting a guy and the subject of virginity comes up at about once per week outside of an remote agrarian society, hermitage, nunnery, or international space station.

at that rate, a 26 year old female will have turned down over 500 guys (presuming she starts considering dating at 16).

(read the above twice before continuing. thanks)

unless she simply does not like sex with men, in my consideration, that is one messed up female.

therefore to me the overwhelming probability is that such a woman is not so much religious as she has unconsciously made some kind of lifestyle decision not to consider any man as a sexual partner.

of course, it could be possible that the woman had somehow missed meeting “mr. right” 500+ times in a row.

possible, yes. probable, no. implausible... i say yes.

for such women, it might be time to call a spade a spade, and get a cat, or a woman lover (whatever) and be done with it. but not time to write an article and project blame for one’s lifestyle choices on others... jesus, g*d, christian and/or non-christian men, other women, whoever.

for such women, just take responsibility for one’s own choices, and move on.

[SteveH]

so we should never test drive cars, ...

... because, morally, we should only drive one car in our lifetime?

or once we start test driving cars, we will never actually never want to buy a car?

i have test driven many cars. and i have bought and sold several. right now i have about 4 to 7 cars (depending on the definition of “have”).

am i an immoral car lover?

(and some of my cars are actually trucks...)

[Kickass Conservative]

There is more than one way to skin a Cat.