Posted on 07/02/2014 1:16:34 PM PDT by Kaslin
Scientists are desperately scrambling to face the newest “global change” problem: plastic in the ocean.
A recent expedition involving over 400 scientists from around the world has discovered that there is plastic in ALL of the world’s oceans.
Really. ALL of them.
Oceans, not scientists.
“The findings reveal that plastic pollution is far more widespread than first thought,” says Science World Report. “Rather than being in isolated pockets of the ocean, it's a global problem. It's clear that steps need to be taken in order to reduce the amount of plastic waste currently winding up in our world's oceans.
A quick survey of American households reveals that there is plastic there too.
In at least one American household that I’m aware of, plastic grocery bags have taken over at least 23% of drawer space in 87% of kitchen drawers and 63% of the corner space in ALL of kitchen cabinets.
The first step of course in confronting the irresistible tide of global change from plastic, will be the mad scramble of dozens of film stars, thousands of research scientists, tens of thousands of environmental activists, and hundreds of thousands of gullible young who, while pretending to get an education, will demand government grants be made available to study the problem.
And count on the scientists to do their part to confront the problem.
This is step two.
Valiant public servants that they are, they’ll devote countless “person-hours” to writing grant proposals, having conferences at hotels they otherwise couldn’t afford, and acting like they really work, all while wearing corduroy pants and flannel shirts in solidarity with those recently denied access to free birth control chemicals—that are subsequently peed into the oceans.
The man-scientists, of course, will likely wear something a bit more effeminate in solidarity with urban hipsterism.
In this effort, scientists of ALL genders will be funded by dozens of film stars, tens of thousands of gullible environmental activists; but not the hundreds of thousands of gullible youn, who, while pretending to get an education, will instead buy pot and beer with money sent from home.
“[T]he abundance of floating plastic fragments allows many small organisms to sail on them and colonize places they could not access previously,” says Andres Cosar, a researcher with the project. “But probably, most of the impacts taking place due to plastic pollution in the oceans are not yet known."
And that’s when the big money starts rolling in.
That’s step three.
The unknown problems could demand millions of dollars just in state grants. And it’s likely that other unknown “global change” problems will be revealed while studying the unknown current “global change” problems they have already identified, knowingly.
Payday!
They could take 100 years to identify and incorrectly forecast the problems associated with ocean-borne plastic.
While you non-scientists see the missed forecasts as some type of problem with the “science”, in truth the incorrect projections serve the most important scientific outcome imaginable: They keep they gravy train rolling while pushing doomsday to just behind the next horizon.
Payday!
“Our observations of the size distribution of floating plastic debris point at important size-selective sinks removing millimeter-sized fragments of floating plastic on a large scale,” says an abstract from the report. “This sink may involve a combination of fast nano-fragmentation of the microplastic into particles of microns or smaller, their transference to the ocean interior by food webs and ballasting processes, and processes yet to be discovered.”
“Processes yet to be discovered” is the part that’s most worrying, of course.
There’s already an army of 400 scientists waiting to discover the unknowns.
So please, whatever you do: Don’t tell them about my kitchen.
So if they found plastic in all of the oceans why didn’t they just pick it up? Or better yet just have prisoners and welfare queens do it. It sure would be nice to see them earning someone else’s money as opposed to using the government to just steal it for them.
Been going on for thousands of years. I worry about the abundance of big organisms colonizing our shores from down south. They're focusing on the wrong problems.
I know exactly where that patch is. Its called New Jersey.
She replied in an earnest voice, "I'm not sure if they are getting carried downstream in the river, or if they're picked up by the wind, but your bags are definitely getting into the ocean."
I may have misspelled his name (and I may have misspelled “misspelled”) but he’s the author of the clever “semi-news-semi satire” posts on FR that catch people (until they learn to recognize the author) and are so ridiculous that reality has a hard time catching up...though it’s a VERY close second!
For those of you who plan on coming back one hundred thousand years from now, expect a little bit more bounce in your sandstone.
I have never heard of him. I did a search and I found a John Sammis, but I don’t think it’s him. No you did not misspell “misspelled” It is one word
It’s already gotten legs. It’s the feeble minded waiting for the rest to catch them and love them and hold them.
Old cartoon humor.
George
I will ping you next time I see one of this posts. I searched, too. FR search quality = well, I’ll leave it unsaid.
The same jerks who took our paper bags?
The same jerks who then said plastic bags are great?
The same jerks who then said plastic bags are evil and we should all use renewable green dolphin safe ozone friendly carbon neutral paper bags?
Paper is made from trees, but this idiots either don’t know or ignore that forests are renewable if for every tree that is cut down two or five, I don’t remember are planted to replace it. Personally I hate plastic grocery bags.
At the commissary in Fort Campbell the baggers always ask if I want paper bags or plastic bags. I say plastic bags because the paper bags are hard to carry for me, even though I prefer them to the plastic bags
This is a problem and the problem is growing.
People ignore news like this because of government's effort to promote the hoax of manmade global climate change. Real pollution is ignored.
Man has the technology, if not the motivation, to diminish pollution. However, as long as people can be convinced of nonsense like CO2 is a pollutant nothing will be done.
It’s John Semmens.
Here’s one of his latest threads.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2809727/posts
Here is his latest.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2809727/posts
(It’s John Semmens, btw)
I just have them put the paper bag inside a plastic bag. Makes it much easier to carry.
If we could BURN our garbage we wouldn’t have this problem!
“Why is it that they don’t want you to use plastic bags to carry your food home in, but all trash must be placed in a large plastic bag ? “
BWAHAHAHAHAH!
Only a couple of cute blonds? A boat that size would require at least 4 or 5 cute blonds.
Maybe they could hire Dan Kilmer to go scoop it all up. I understand he’s looking for a job ...
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