AMERICA'S FAVORITE NATIONAL PASTIME: HATING SOCCER (ANN COULTER)

Ann Coulter Webpage ^ | June 25, 2014 | Ann Coulter

[Milton Miteybad]

Soccer would be much more interesting if the players carried swords and spears on the field. That way, they could stab the opposing players instead of having to bite them.

[willk]

Bravo Ann! Watching soccer is like watching grass grow and how I hate the metric system.

[aposiopetic]

As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baroness Thatcher did have a way with words.

[Ironfocus]

“After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.”

I laughed out loud at that one.

And rugby is a real sport.

[Oldeconomybuyer]

Ann’s right. But.

The first soccer match I ever watched was US vs. Portugal. It was exciting.

[hinckley buzzard]

What about pretending to get hit hard to win fouls?

You mean, like NFL kickers and NBA floppers?

[tumblindice]

Looks like it’s time for a soccer pome:

There was a young man from Koblenz,
His balls were really immense.
One day playing soccer
He sprang his left knocker,
Then kicked it right over a fence.

[Fungi]

Soccer is baseball by another name. Both are boring, both require a lot of time but that is where it ends. Baseball winners don't usually riot, nor do they have an announcer that says Gooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaal. I pick baseball over soccer any time, any day. Thank you. Yes, I will get in trouble for this. Sorry.

[1rudeboy]

Funny how Ann is a hero on this website, all of a sudden. Because she wrote a column to generate hits.

[1rudeboy]

Actually, growing up watching baseball prepared me just fine to becoming a soccer fan.

[wku man]

"Soccer is a sport invented by European women to give them something to do while their men cooked." -- Hank Hill.

Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!

[Doomonyou]

It's the flopping that drives me nuts. Two guys bump into each other and they go down like they were shot with a deer rifle. thirty seconds later they are running around with no ill effects. If they would red card everyone who faked an injury, games wouldn't last 15 minutes.

Golf is more exciting.

[MinuteGal]

A classy, incisive and witty piece of writing by Annie Banannie!

Leni

[wku man]

Hunting is a real sport.

Scouts out! Cavalry Ho!

[1rudeboy]

It’s too hard to score and the opposing teams are too good. Un-American, I say.

[DesertRhino]

“Seattle” the city of a Lenin statue, Starbucks, 15 dollar minimum wage, and child support for men who might decide to live with a single mom who already had a kid. The region where communists often relocated, and to where Obamas momma grew up in. So yes, I’m certain they were able to attract 67,000 to a soccer game,

,,,,,enough said.

[JSteff]

"What about pretending to get hit hard to win fouls?"

So liberal like... "someone hit me while playing a running and kicking game, so give them a penalty!"

So European like for sure.

[Greetings_Puny_Humans]

Soccer is of the devil. Those who watch soccer should be subjected to Old Testament style punishments.

[tumblindice]

I think a lot more Americans might watch if, well let’s say we’re playing a good team, Brazil, Germany?—the American defenders are allowed to use wiffle bats.

[Clint N. Suhks]

There should be a shootout like in hockey if there is a tie.