Harry: [holding Simon at the edge of an aquaduct] Son of a bitch, Did you think you can elude us forever, Carlos, huh?
Simon: Hey, you got the wrong guy! My name's Simon! Just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your...
[Harry and Gib remove their masks]
Simon: face. No, no, no I didn't see it, I didn't see it! [realizes that it is Harry]
Simon: Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?
Gib: Hey, Carlos? Game's over. Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.
Simon: No...
Gib: -Oh, yeah.
Simon: No...
Gib: Oh, yeah!
Simon: No!
Gib: OH, YEAH!
Simon: No, I sell cars! That's all! C'mon, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually a complete coward, if I ever saw a gun, I'd...
Harry: [Harry takes his gun out and points it in Simon's face]
Simon: [Whining and pleading] Oh God, no, please don't kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!
[Harry and Gib gave Simon a weird look, then Simon pees his pants]
Simon: Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I'm not worth a bullet. Oh, mercy sir!
Harry: [Disgusted] Get the fuck out of here. Just go, just beat it.
Simon: No, no, as soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me! You're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me!
Gib: [Gib and Harry get into their van] Get lost, dipshit. [fires a few rounds into the ground near Simon]
True Lies (1994)
[The Further Adventures Of Nick Danger]
(fog horn)
ANNOUNCER
Los Angeles... He walks again by night...
NICK
(whistles)
ANNOUNCER
Out of the fog, into the smog...
NICK
(cough, cough)
ANNOUNCER
Relentlessly... ruthlessly...
NICK
I wonder where Ruth is?
ANNOUNCER
…doggedly… (bark bark)
NICK
Eh, get away from me…
ANNOUNCER
... towards his weekly meeting with... the unknown. At 4th and Drucker he turns left, at Drucker and 4th he turns right, he crosses MacArthur Park and walks into a great sandstone building. (smack)
NICK
Oh, my nose!
ANNOUNCER
Groping for the door he steps inside... (door opens/closes) (phone rings until pick up) (13 steps) climbs the 13 steps to his office, he walks in (walking/door opens)... he’s ready for mystery, (door closes/walking) he’s ready for excitement... he’s ready for anything, he’s...
NICK
(ends whistling) (pick up phone/one more ring) Nick Danger, Third Eye...
VOICE
(phone voice) I, uh, wanna order a pizza to go and no anchovies...
NICK
No anchovies? You’ve got the wrong man, I spell my name...Danger. (phone hangup)
VOICE
(phone voice) What?
ANNOUNCER
(organ) The makers of Fantastic Cigarettes, long in the leaf and short in the can, bring you another true story from the tattered casebook of Nick Danger, Third Eye. Let’s join him now in the adventure we call... Cut ‘em Off at the Past! (organ fwah)
NICK
Let’s get down to business. (walk) Uncross those beautiful stems of yours, baby, here’s the case I call number 666. It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desktop and reading my name on the glass of my office door. “Regnad Kcin”. My secretary lay snoring on the floor (snores) her long, beautiful gams pinioned under the couch. I didn’t hear him enter, (creaky door/walking) but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume... Pyramid Patchouli. There was only one joker in L.A. sensitive enough to wear that scent and I had to find out who he was.
ROCKY
Good afternoon, Mr.... Danger. I’m Rocky Rococo.
[more on the web... Firesign Theatre]