Posted on 03/19/2014 8:01:36 PM PDT by PaulCruz2016
It’s not often that a political candidate’s re-election campaign speech goes viral.
But no doubt Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos would have liked the video of his speech over the weekend in the coastal city of Barranquilla to have gone viral because of the power of his message, or mesmerizing oratorical style, instead of The Spot.
Video of the speech shows a spot appearing and spreading on Santos’ pants – which unfortunately were a light tan color – during his speech to supporters.
(Excerpt) Read more at latino.foxnews.com ...
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!”. The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day’s occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, “Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?”. The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid”. The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, “Bring me my brown pants!!
Thanks for the laugh!
Depends...
(rimshot)
Jack Nicholson’s character said it best: “never trust a phart”
That’s “Tinkle”, not “Tingle.”
That poor man just lived my nightmare....
Al Roker: ‘I Pooped My Pants’ at White House (Video)
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/al-roker-i-pooped-my-409317
Some reports I’ve seen say he’s incontinent because of surgery he had for prostate cancer.
“I think Ah may ave soiled myself”—Fat B@stard.
More info than we needed, Al.
Pee happens!
Depends.
INT. - PACKED AUDITORIUM - ON STAGE - NIGHT
BUSH: Well Al, I've heard that you intend to place a good number of radical environmentalists in your cabinet. Why don't you tell us the names of some of the people you are considering?
GORE: OK... tell you their names... but, as you know... many of today's environmentalists legally change their names... change their names to reflect their passion... passion over environmental issues... environmental issues... like Julia "Butterfly" Hill, for example... change their names...
BUSH: That's fine Al, but why don't you tell me who you are considering for your cabinet.
GORE: Secretary of the Interior... "Who Will Speak For The Trees" as Secretary of the Interior...
BUSH: That's what I want to find out, who will be Secretary of the Interior?
GORE: "Who Will Speak For The Trees."
BUSH: Are you running for president, Albert?
GORE: Yes.
BUSH: And as President, you're going to appoint a cabinet...?
GORE: Yes.
BUSH: Well then, you should know the name of the person you are going to nominate for Secretary of the Interior?
GORE: Yes.
BUSH: Well, what's the fella's name?
GORE: "Who Will Speak For The Trees."
BUSH: The Secretary of the Interior, I guess.
GORE: Exactly.
BUSH: And his name is...
GORE: "Who Will Speak For The Trees"
BUSH: It's very difficult getting a straight answer out of you Mr. Vice-President! How about your Secretary of Energy? Do you have someone in mind to be Energy Secretary?
GORE: "Solar Heats Best."
BUSH: Solar power may very well be a viable alternate source of power, but do you have anyone in mind to be your Energy Secretary.
GORE: That's the man's name.
BUSH: That's who's name?
GORE: "Solar Heats Best."
BUSH: Will your Energy Secretary have a name, Al?
GORE: That's it.
BUSH: "Solar Heats Best?"
GORE: Yes... "Solar Heats Best"...
BUSH: Listen, are you gonna have a Defense Secretary?
GORE: Certainly...
BUSH: And he will be...
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: Well, they are designed to, but nuclear weapons are also used to keep the peace. Why don't you tell us who you will nominate to be your Defense Secretary?
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: When you meet with your Defense Secretary, who will you be meeting with?
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: All I'm trying to find out is the fella's name who's going to be your Defense Secretary!
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: "Nukes Kill?" I ask you the name of the guy who going to be your Defense Secretary and you answer "Nukes Kill."
GORE: That's it.
BUSH: "Nukes Kill?"
GORE: A great guy... excellent Defense Secretary... very knowledgable...
BUSH: The Secretary of Defense often has to sign important agreements and treaties. Your Defense Secretary is going to sign...?
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: I give up. How about your Attorney General, Al? Is your Attorney General going to have a name?
GORE: "Have To Take A Leak."
BUSH: Your Attorney General... the top law enforcement official in the land... will he have a name?
GORE: "Have To Take A Leak."
BUSH: Are you telling me that you are going to have an Attorney General who's name is "Have To Take A Leak"?
GORE: No, I'm telling you I have to take a leak!... drank alot of iced tea... need to go to the little boy's ro... uh-oh, too late... have to go to K-Mart... get new briefs... new briefs from K-Mart... K-Mart has dry briefs...
|
INT. - PACKED AUDITORIUM - BACKSTAGE - NIGHT
Clinton and Morris are staring in horror at the disasterous turn of events. In the background, we can see Gore moving from behind his podium and pointing at the growing wet stain in the front of his pants. We can hear the far away sound of his voice. GORE: too much iced tea... need new briefs from K-Mart... uh-oh!... bad Albert, bad! too much iced tea... Clinton frantically reaches behind Morris and yanks a large wooden dowel from the wall, detaching the sand bag that counterbalances the large stage curtain. Unbeknownst to Morris, the curtain rope is looped around his leg. As the heavy stage curtain falls between Albert and the hysterically laughing audience, Dick Morris rockets upside-down into the air. GORE: (turning to Clinton and pointing at his wet pants) too much iced tea... too much... bad Albert... need new briefs... MORRIS: (unseen) Help!! Somebody get me down from here!! GORE: Ooops! Dick stuck... (reaching for a different wooden dowel in the wall) MORRIS: Don't pull that! Albert NO!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! After a long screaming drop, Morris crashes like a sack of potatoes onto the stage. Clinton buries his face in his hands. GORE: Dick's down... dick's down... (points to his wet groin)... bad Albert... too much iced tea... need new briefs... new briefs from K-Mart... The shot of Gore pointing to his wet groin freezes with a photographer's flash, then slowly morphs into an advertisement on a television screen. The announcer speaks softly, as part of the Republican campaign ad. ANNOUNCER: Al Gore lets a girl dress him... and he still wets his pants. Haven't you seen enough? George Bush hasn't wet his pants in at least 30 years. Probably much, much longer. (woman's voice speaking softly and quickly) Paid for by "The Current, Respectable Friends of George W. Bush." |
|
INT. - GORE CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - ELECTION NIGHT Bill Clinton and Dick Morris (wearing a neck brace) are slumped over in their chairs, reluctantly accepting a brow beating from Vernon Jordan. In the background, Albert is trying to coax any of the departing campaign volunteers into giving him a high-five. None of the disheartened faithful are interested. GORE: (in the distance) High five... what's the matter... next stop - the White Home!... c'mon high five... high five?... you?... you? (finally, he raises his hands in the air and slaps them against each other) yeah! high five!... way to go, Albert!... high five!... Albert rocks... high five for Albert! JORDAN: We destroyed as much of the incriminating evidence as we could, and there'll be a devastaing fire later tonight in the executive office area that should take care of anything we missed. But if anything still gets out, who can we blame but you two? I've never seen such irresponsible behavior from grown politicians in my life! CLINTON: Oh get off it, Vern! What was your plan? Focus groups? Voter fraud? JORDAN: Yes! As a matter of fact, those things were a part of the plan! But unlike you two hotshots, we had a back-up plan. We had a September plane crash planned for Albert! No muss - no fuss, a simple accidental plane crash. MORRIS: You're right, Vernon. We behaved like a couple of childish third-party knuckleheads. We should have had an extermination plan in place... like professionals... |
OMG - I feel so sorry for her. How do you ever live THAT down???
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