My girlfriend was "terminally ill." I met her on Match.com in the summer of 2010, about four months after she was diagnosed with breast cancer, and halfway through her course of chemotherapy after having surgery and before undergoing radiation.
Her oncologist talked in terms of "curing her" with those treatments. By New Years eve, she was done with all her treatments, had recovered her strength,if not her hair -- that came later, albeit not like her pre-cancer hair.)
The next year and a half with her was blissful beyond description. I fell hopelessly in love with her within weeks of our first meeting. I had met my true soul mate -- an internationally acclaimed classical musician, a pillar of the local classical community, with a 30-year career that saw awards in Europe, Russia and the US, and 30 performance CDs that are still available on Amazon.com.
As a trained jazz musician myself, we clicked on every possible level and I loved her beyond words. The music connection was like nothing I have ever experienced.
Then, in spring 2012, she started experiencing some symptoms that ultimately led to a diagnosis of leptomeningeal metastases -- meaning that cancer cells had shown up in her spinal fluid.
The medical literature shows that no one has survived this disease for more than a couple of years, and that there was no agreed-upon treatment.
After her diagnosis in the hospital, followed by more surgery, a course of oral chemo and radiation, she could not even walk. She moved into my place in June 2012, and slowly got stronger. It was my great privilege to be the one who got to care for her.
By August 2012 she was able to walk (with a cane) and go to her job as music department chair of a local well-known university. She even was able to drive herself there. But she was never able to play her instrument again.
She was barfing constantly from the chemo drug, and experiencing all kinds of other horrific side effects for months.
And then on Christmas Day 2012, she couldn't move her legs. A trip to the emergency room led to a week on the hospital, followed by a consensus by her oncology/neurology team that her prognosis was somewhere between "short and less short."
That led to her treatments being discontinued, and she was transferred to a hospice, where she slowly deteriorated over the next four weeks.
During those four weeks, she lost her (considerable) cognitive function, the use of one arm and both legs, her ability to tell me my name, her ability to tell me her name, her ability to recognize her own playing on her classical recordings, her appetite, her voice, and finally her consciousness.
She was doped up constantly with increased doses of morphine to end her constant pain.
She stopped breathing on January 29, at 4:43am. She took my heart with her, and now, almost a year later, I am still in deep grief over her loss.
So that's the definition of "terminally ill."
I can tell you, after watching her horrific ordeal, that if I am ever diagnosed with cancer, I will not go through that. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't afford it. My girlfriend had a super Cadillac health plan that paid out millions for her treatment. Me? Even after bankrupting my family, it still wouldn't be enough to cover the costs of what she went through.
And under those circumstances, I believe it would be my right to elect to exit this life on my own terms. Tell me I'm wrong, and I'll tell you where to send the checks to pay for my treatment to keep me alive.
In my view, she did the right thing fighting to live ‘til the end.
I’m so sorry.
Sorry for your loss.
Without the knowledge that you have gone through, I already agreed with your opinion. Thanks for sharing the heartbreaking story. My heart aches for you.
A lot of theory gets blown out by a little experience.
I am in awe of your strength. God bless you and your partner.
Sorry for your loss Maceman
People who say there is no right to decide to end ones own suffering, have never had to live through what you did. If they had, they’d stay out of the most personal decision one can make.
Euthanasia is not about forcing one to end their suffering, its about having the option , which free will grants, not a law, legislated nor written in a religious tract.
It could be argued that such a situation would be,for you,between you and your Creator.But to me the central issue is the involvement of *physicians*.On the one hand,if a member of your family...one who *truly* loved you and wasn't just trying to get his/her inheritance...got a hold of enough pain pills to kill a bull elephant and gave them to you that might be one thing.But having a physician deliberately kill you.Nope! No thanks! Then,we'd be approaching a Dr Mengele situation.Or,better still,we'd be approaching an abortionist's frame of mind..."oh,I helped 10 young women reclaim their lives this morning".
No thanks! No thanks! No thanks!