...TSA supervisor Ima Mallcop not only defended the screener’s decision, but praised it. “Recent intel has shown that sock monkeys are frequently lonely, left by themselves for long periods of time, and resent being controlled by someone else when they are around other, in other words, perfect candidates for recruitment by Al Quaeda,” said Ms. Mallcop. “This TSO is a credit to the uniform, and will be nominated for the monthly Smurftastic award. If this sock puppet would have been allowed on board, someone could have been seriously hurt or worse.”
TSA director Papa Smurf refused to respond to reporters’ questions, but did E-mail a pre-produced pamphlet entitled “When Good Puppets Go Bad” which cites studies by the University of Gobbledygook showing that completely inert toy props, even unloaded ones, can cause grave damage. In 2007, according to the study, a Teddy Ruxpin breached the flight deck on a Boeing 737-800 bound for Miami using a fake nose-and-glasses, and ordered the pilots to fly to Oxnard, California. 152 passengers were terrorized by their surroundings until they were bused to Fresno where they immediately felt better.
“Rubber chickens, dribble glasses and whoopee cushions are all prohibited items,” explained Mallcop. “Those attempting to bring them into the sterile area will be detained for questioning. It’s for your safety. Think of the children!”
That was great. Thanks for the laugh even though I can actually see our current crop of Government employees saying something like this with a straight face.