"Damn right ya don't!"
Posted on 12/05/2013 6:43:38 PM PST by xzins
Back in August, one of Manhattan’s swankiest and most celebrity-friendly hotels (Trump International) mistook one of America’s biggest celebrities (Duck Dynasty’s Jase Robertson) for a wino and shooed him from their lobby.
The following day, in a story on the huge popularity of TV show Duck Dynasty, one of Manhattan’s most media-obsessed publications (The New York Post) wrote that a product (Duck Commander duck calls) featured on America’s most-watched TV cable show consists of a “whistle” used by duck hunters to “roust the feathered birds out of their hiding places.”
“Their hiding places.” Got that? But, a duck that’s flying is not exactly hiding, New York Post. The duck hunter is the one who’s hiding, usually in a blind or in brush or against a tree with decoys in front of him. This hunter blows a duck call (more a kazoo than a whistle, actually) not to “roust” a duck that’s hiding, but to beckon a duck that’s flying, out of the sky and into range of his shotgun.
Webster’s defines “roust” as: “to cause to get up or start moving.” In fact, the purpose of a duck call is to entice a moving (flying) duck to land in your decoys–in other words, to stop moving. So the New York Post TV specialist had it exactly a**-backwards.
Granted, the duck is not (usually) shot after he lands. Ideally he’s blasted while hovering over the decoys contemplating whether landing is wise.
What we have here, amigos, is some serious failure to communicate. The disconnect between Manhattan and the heartland has rarely been showcased as dramatically, or as hilariously. Jase Robertson, after all, laughed the wino incident off with no hard feelings whatsoever.
And for duck hunters, the image of us bumbling around “whistling” into bushes in hopes of “rousting” out hiding ducks is not without an element of humor.
But even with the best calls, duck hunting usually consists of maybe 99 percent bird –watching, the rest shooting. Sometimes the watching gets old. One way to keep alert (if not exactly vigilant at the decoys) is texting, as my son and favorite hunting chum Robbie can attest. But some duck-blinds are quite warm and comfy, allowing a hunter who’s been up since 3 AM and left his iPhone in the truck …. to…briefly…doze..and…even dream:
“This is Bill Mathews reporting from Thibodaux, Louisiana. President Obama declared a state of emergency in the Bayou State where PETA was staging a demonstration on opening day of the duck season in the state notorious for having the most and most fanatical duck hunters in the nation. PETA’s activists followed some of these hunters into the local wetlands and employed bullhorns to broadcast the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi.
“This serves to enlighten the hunters in the ways of vegetarianism and non-violence,” explained PETA spokesperson Paul McCartney, “and to frighten off, and thus save, the hapless and otherwise deluded ducks.”
With his right eye swollen shut and 21 stitches in his mouth, the ex-Beatle’s appearance horrified his fans in the press.
“These blokes certainly take hunting seriously,” Paul sputtered painfully into a spittle-flecked microphone held by a snuffling Joy Behar. “Nothing like this happened in Maryland or California. Remember, friends, All You Need Is Love!”
“We came in the spirit of Gandhi!” blubbered PETA board member Bill Maher, who nursed a grapefruit-sized ear and several facial welts. “And were met by that of George Patton!” Mr. Maher then collapsed in sobs into the arms of his friend Alec Baldwin, who tottered at his side on crutches.
“Get up – UP!” Ellen DeGeneres and chum Rachel Maddow yelled while yanking Maher up by the collar and seizing Alec roughly by the shoulders. “You’re lucky we ran those yahoos off! They’d a killed ya–ya wussies!”
“Meanwhile, at a local tavern, PETA activists Joaquin Phoenix and Woody Harrelson attempted to disrupt a cockfight (this barbarity remains legal in this peculiar state of Louisiana) by stepping into the ring itself.”The roosters immediately pounced on us!” stammered a still shaken Woody. “And I don’t even eat chicken! And their owners incited them with bloodcurdling whoops and cheers!”
“Joaquin and Woody’s flailing arms and wild screams were scant protection against the birds’ sharp spurs and vicious beaks. Observers report that rather than attempting to help the frantic and terrified victims, the few beer-crazed spectators who hadn’t collapsed in hysterics quickly set several more roosters on the hapless celebrities, whose screams “sounded like Lady Gaga sitting on a sea urchin,” according to one howling and badly convulsed bar patron….”
I awoke to the trumpeting blast (not whistle) of Robbie’s Duck call. “Here they come, Dad!” He whispered while elbowing me. Indeed! A trio of mallards, wings cupped…starting to hover—NOW!
"Damn right ya don't!"
I wonder if using the duck call, the duck will fly in baked?
Hey, we’re not all bad.
I stayed with one on a logging road at the south end of Richardson Lake in northern Maine while we waited for some folks to return with a trailer to pick up a race car a couple of years ago.
Around 9 or 10 PM a loon began to make a rukus with its' loud calls.
There's little more spooky at night than a loon calling.
The fellow jumped and asked, "what's that"?
I responded, oh, a Windigo.
He asked what a Windigo was.
I responded that depending on which Indian legend you listened to, it was an evil spirit crossing into the real world for the night to feast on humans, or a relative to the Yeti or Bigfoot, or a "man who had tasted human flesh"... and wanted more.
In general, meeting with one didn't work out well for humans.
The loon must have been swimming or drifting our way in the lake as it got very loud.
The city guy was trembling, looked like he was about to have a heart attack.
I never did tell him it was just a bird.
When they hear “my Son was born a redneck, and you thought you were too good for Him” they’ll faint
What would actually happen... those hunters would invite the liberals over for dinner. And the sight of the carnivorous spread would sicken the liberals so much they’d take a week to recuperate. (”What? No arugula?”)
Er half-baked!?!
No -- Noo Yawkk does.
Us in. Them out. They can have Riker's Island, the epitome of their civilization.
We had called owls up plenty of times at night when out hunting and back at camp and decided to try it while camping that week. Every night the owls many of which sounded half grown would be up in the trees above us hooting back. At one point I'd quesstimate over a dozen were there maybe as many as 18-20. A young owl can sound like a monkey and a mad owl you can hear their beaks smacking.
Saturday night the campground was filled up but the kids being kids wanted to hear the owls. I reluctantly took the kids off away from the campground to the edge the woods of a nearby field and began calling like I had done all week down at the campground.
I honestly was just going through the motions not expecting a response as I figured there was way too much activity & noise. I was wrong LOL. The owls didn't come to where I was calling from instead the all were back in the trees above the campground screaming like angry monkeys. The place went silent, radios turned down, and people were yelling what is that, what's going on LOL. A few even left out :>} Dad and I had a good laugh about it for years to come. Nothing like good old redneck fun :>}
Yes. New Yorkers prefer Project Runway.
I'm sure Jase didn't want to be there as much as they didn't want him there. Willie on the other hand. He's a 'social climber' as one might say.
Awesome story. Sounds similar something I might say when dealing with eastern, pointy-headed snobs.
It’s that split second moment when the put on the brakes to land on the water. That’s the closest to “hover” that I’ve seen.
New Yorkers think the world revolves around them.
This perception is reinforced by the MSM.
We were flying from Florida to Virginia the day before Thanksgiving, and my wife was spooked by all of the reports of bad weather and flight delays. Turns out the bad weather was centered mainly around New York while the rest of the country was largely unaffected. You wouldn’t have known by the way the talking heads were going on, though.
We actually arrived in Virginia ahead of schedule.
Damn yankees.
Aircraft problems in NYC can have knock-on effects elsewhere. Some flights might be scheduled to use aircraft expected to come in from NYC earlier, and if they can’t come and no alternate craft are available, then they get delayed or canceled. Or if the craft for your flight is destined for NYC after going where you want to go, they may not want it adding to an accumulation of craft at your destination airport due to lack of space (possibly). You were fortunate.
About a month ago, a large line of storms moved across the nation soaking everything. It became news when it reached the northeast, New York in particular.
My favorite “we are the center of the universe” story out of New York was about 5 years ago when all major and cable networks were reporting on a traffic jam in......(guess)......New York.
The rest of the universe apparently didn’t experience traffic jams.
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