I must find some way to mutilate my body and completely alter my physical appearance so that I can be hailed as "courageous" in my struggle to find my inner self and be profiled on some prime-time television show - maybe even have my life story dramatized on some Lifetime TV movie in which women all across America will weep for me and call me a hero.
Therefore, and with no further ado, I am going to re-invent myself as the person I always wanted to be deep inside - that is to say, anybody but the person I am now. Furthermore, I shall have a team of surgeons at my disposal to re-shape my body accordingly because I'm SPECIAL and I DESERVE to be whoever I want to be.
Please pay attention to me as I transform my physical appearance into something that has zero resemblance to my current self. I shall no longer be that boring white middle-aged guy with the pot belly. You are going to be seeing the new me profiled on a television near you and I'm already picking out the dramatic musical soundtrack that will accompany the breathless narration of my story. Is Barbara Walters available?
If you wish to turn into a middle age woman, Barbara will be there as fast as possible.
I came out of the closet several years ago and told all my friends and family that I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. D@mn few of them gave me any sympathy. (I don't need a /sarc tag do I?)