Posted on 04/03/2013 2:47:46 PM PDT by Lazamataz
I have a solution to the Global Warming Dilemma. You know the one, the dilemma in which the planet is heating up furiously due to humanity's actitivies on the planet (except it's not, really, and even The Economist had to back off the claim... but I digress....)
THE SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM OF GLOBAL WARMING IS THIS: RESTRICT THE SIZE OF GAS TANKS.
See: "I will tell you these are gasolines, they’re fuels, so the people who have those big gas tanks, now they’re going to drive them, so if you ban them in the future, the number of these high capacity gas tanks is going to decrease dramatically over time because the gas will have been used and there won’t be any more available."
Where did I come up with this wonderful idea? Why, none other than Rep. Diana DeGette (D-Colorado), who showed us the way, remarking "I will tell you these are ammunition, they’re bullets, so the people who have those now they’re going to shoot them, so if you ban them in the future, the number of these high capacity magazines is going to decrease dramatically over time because the bullets will have been shot and there won’t be any more available." (April 2, 2013, Denver Post forum)
To be fair, the spokewoman for Diana DeGette (D-Colorado) gave a correction: "The Congresswoman has been working on a high-capacity assault magazine ban for years, and has been deeply involved in the issue; she simply misspoke in referring to ‘magazines’ when she should have referred to ‘clips,’ which cannot be reused because they don’t have a feeding mechanism,"
Ok, okay! That's much better. Wait...... what?
Clips can be reloaded just as easily as magazines. Well, never mind all that, let's move on.
She is also the Democrat who arrogantly chuckled at a senior citizen, "You’d probably be dead anyway...." if confronted by armed intruder, when the senior citizen spoke to her about the unintended consquences to older people, should magazines be banned. Is there anything this smug elitist DOESN'T know? Wait....... what?
There are some things she doesn't know. For example, just about anything to do with firearms, which she seeks to legislate upon.
Nonetheless, I shall not look this gift horse in the mouth. I shall take the leads I can get, so I am leading the charge to limit the capacity of high-volume assault-gas-tanks, in order to ultimately remove gasoline from the general population, and stop global warming!
Ok folks, now that I have solved Global Warming, I'm off to have dinner. That is, if there's any food left. You see, once you get done using your silverware to eat the food in your fridge, the number of silverwares out there is going to decrease dramatically over time, and then there will never be any food any more. There won't be any more available.
I ditched ALL of that advice for this editorial, in order to increase the satirical bite and edge. Sometimes, you must take a little liberty with the rules.
Sadly...the moonbats will probably endorse your plan...
1st?
I have been advised by someone in the editorial trade, that a good editorial very seldom (or even never) refers to the author, nor is written in the first-person framework.
I ditched ALL of that advice for this editorial, in order to increase the satirical bite and edge. Sometimes, you must take a little liberty with the rules.
Second. Close, tho! :)
Tell your editorial adviser to pound sand. We know you.
Auto-preview, the bane of speed posting.
Maybe the commie should be taken at her word... there won’t be any ammo. Been to Cabelas lately?
OTOH, is our flag still on Mars?
Or tax the heck out of gas. Whoops! Too late for that...
Hmm...No lips, and she’s fat, but would you hit that?
OK, that makes sense. In fact, let’s reduce the size of forks and spoons, to fight obesity!;)
B...B...Bacon nation!
What a silly question! :)
I bought a smaller diameter garden hose, and now my yard has disappeared. What the hell?
I mean, at 200 yards in a high crosswind?
Tell your editorial advisor to pound sand. We know you.
I second that.
Decided to remove it. You never can be TOO careful these days.
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