Posted on 01/04/2013 10:29:39 AM PST by Red Steel
ASPEN, Colo. — According to Todd Hartley, to enact new gun legislation in the U.S. would be to “shut the barn doors after the horse has already gotten out.”
So in his weekly “I’m With Stupid” column in the Aspen Times on Friday — a column that Hartley claims is meant to encourage aspiring and current gun owners to “seek less violent ways to make up for your shortcomings” — the Basalt resident is attempting another method of gun control.
He’s defaming the genitalia of gun owners.
“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,” Hartley writes.
In his column, subtitled “The longer the weapon, the shorter the tool,” Hartley says that with 310 million nonmilitary firearms in a country that has shown such staunch support for the Second Amendment, even the buy back programs that have seen success in countries like Australia will likely prove fruitless in the U.S.
Instead, Hartley writes, “the only feasible option” to reduce the number of firearms in the U.S. is to “change people’s attitudes toward guns.” One way to do that, in Hartley’s mind, is to question the motivation of gun owners.
As a case study, Hartley gives a synopsis of Hummer’s downfall in 2010.
“To me, those Hummer owners were a lot like gun owners,” Hartley writes. “They had an inflated sense of their own self-importance, and they thought owning a massive tank-like vehicle made them somehow more virile and masculine.”
Hartley asserts that consumers did a 180 when “the rest of us pointed out that owning a Hummer was an obvious sign of a person making up for a physical shortcoming.”
At that point, Hartley continues, “Hummer went out of business virtually overnight.”
That doesn’t mean Hartley is prepared to lump all gun owners into the same boat. He gives a pass to those who own a handgun “to protect your home and your family,” and to those who own a rifle or shot gun “for hunting or target shooting.”
It’s only the possession of a “pseudo-machine gun” that proves “you have a tiny wiener and you’re incredibly self-conscious about it,” in Hartley’s estimation.
Hartley did not excuse females who own such weapons from the same criticism.
“Women who own assault weapons have tiny penises, just like their male counterparts,” Hartley writes. “That would explain why they’re angry enough to buy a weapon whose sole purpose is to kill as many people as possible as quickly as possible.”
The column is sophomoric at times. Aside from the aforementioned passages, Hartley, who is also a stand-up comedian, suggests at one point that a “Swedish-made penis-enlargement pump” could be “more effective than arming yourself to the teeth.”
But there are also moments of wit and earnest, featuring Hartley venting about elected officials who “clearly don’t have the guts” to push for stricter gun control in the U.S.
As he wraps up his column, Hartley pens a plea to anyone who has “had enough of all the shooting and killing in this country.”
“I encourage you to spread the rumor that when gun owners talk about their 9 mms, they’re actually referring to their genitalia and not the caliber of their weapons,” Hartley concludes. “With any luck, we can stigmatize gun ownership and encourage people to give up their firearms willingly.”
Click here to read Hartley’s entire column
Why doesn’t he volunteer his wife to do some field research and test the hypothesis. True or not, she’ll experience something she isn’t getting at home.
“Todd’s preoccupation with penis size is troubling.”
I’ll say. Makes me a bit suspicious of his “orientation”.
This "Todd Hartley" fellow is apparently a cop-sucker with delusions of Nazi-hood. I wonder if he likes to parade in front of the mirror at night wearing his gauleiter uniform?
He could be related to Mark Morford who claims to be an expert on penises.
I can’t wait to tell my beautiful daughter this. (The one who begged me to build her an A-4 varmint rifle)
Yes, I admit it. It is a compensation for me being less endowed to the point of having no male appendage at all. It is vompensation for my smaller stature and weaker musculature.
But my bullet stops a bad guy and fully compensates for the body’s fallings.
It appears to me the author is an expert with considerable years of first hand experience in the size of the male penis.
LOL - a definite case of assault penis envy.
“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,” Hartley writes.”
Hmmm....I’m a chick. All the guns here are mine.
Better get himself a NASA microscope & hope for physical abnomalities, as I don’t have a winkie, and never will.
FU, Senor Doooooshtard.....
“Todd’s preoccupation with penis size is troubling.”
Corrected:
Todd’ preoccupation with penis is troubling.
Sounds like the type of guy that if you would pop an empty potato chip bag behind him............The area would definitely need to be hosed down...........Just saying.
It's contingent on her coming shooting with me at least once to shoot one of my other AR's, maintaining good grades in school, and in helping out more with standard house chores now that she is getting older.
So far, so good.
Decisions still to be made are final caliber and color scheme. Going with a LaRue RAT stock, on order, and free float hand guards. May go with a 16" 1:8 5.56 barrel, but with a Cienar .22 conversion for it.
We'll see how taxes shake out this year.
The "expert..."
Ran a search on his articles, LOTS of stuff in there just like this and more. He just seems obsessed.
And he has been discussed here before.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2973411/posts
Todd “Hardley”... ten bucks says he is a catcher for his own team.
.
So Marky the Fascist Faggot Morford is another tyrant-enabling, sexually inadequate hoplophobe.
Just like his soul-mate Hartley.
There’s a relevant Freud quote here:
The representation of the penis as a weapon, cutting knife, dagger etc., is familiar to us from the anxiety dreams of abstinent women in particular and also lies at the root of numerous phobias in neurotic people.
Dreams in Folklore (1958), p. 33
I’m not sure if we should categorize the columnist as an abstinent woman, or as simply neurotic. I think either fits.
“If you own multiple guns or feel the need to possess a military-style assault weapon, it’s because you have a small penis,”
That’s not what his wife said in her straddling position two nights ago while holding my AR..
My comment on his blog in case he deletes it:
It’s great to see liberal opinion writers abandon all logical argument and go straight for insulting fellow Americans. The reason, Todd, that we have assault weapons are because of four words in the 2nd Amendment “shall not be infringed”. This means the government cannot take away guns without due cause (insanity, felony, etc.)
I personally do not own an assault rifle, and do not know how to define one, as frequently attachments to semi-automatic rifles such as pistol grips and detachable magazines make them into those horrible inanimate objects that suddenly spring up on their own and kill children.
The thing, Todd, I would have you consider is that guns give a person the right to defend themselves and their families and not just from criminals. The greatest amount of death, through history, occurs when people surrender their weapons to the government, and the government proceeds to engineer its plans on its unarmed citizens regardless of their desires. Google gulag, holodomor, holocaust, killing fields, or concentration camp if you need more information.
Finally, Todd, worry not about the size of the penis of assault weapon users, if riots or chaos occurs on your block, you won’t be around long to use your own, regardless of size. I’m sure whatever wife or girlfriend you had will be happy to give herself to any small-penised assault rifle owner, seeing how he (or she) was way better prepared than you were.
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