Posted on 12/30/2012 9:33:04 PM PST by NKP_Vet
A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a 'Vietnam Veteran' hat. I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend Ronn was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.
Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Wal-Mart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, enough of my psychological fixes.
While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vietnam Vet?"
"No" I replied.
"Then why are you wearing that hat?"
"Because I couldn't find one for the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort.
"The War of 1812, huh." the Walmartian queried, "When was that?"
God forgive but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936"
He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?"
"It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun.
"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"
I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."
"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"
With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?"
The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot.
What a great time! Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat..
The hat of mine that gets the most comments reads thusly:
DYSFUNCTIONAL VETERAN
Leave Me Alone
“I got spit on a few times until I kicked the shit out of a spitter”.
I never got spit on, but I stayed in the Air Force for 20 more years after I came back. My favorite thing to do when someone ask he what I did in the military is to say if I told them I would have to kill them. Should see the looks on their face. I only do this with the young punks with purple hair.
Who is buried in Grant’s Tomb? (One of Groucho’s favorites)
Another one would be “Where was the Battle of New Orleans?”
In all fairness, for those under about 40, the Vietnam War is a big gap in their education. As are most other US wars. Schools discontinued teaching about them for the dual stupid reasons that “war isn’t history”, and that “if you teach children about war they will want to start a war.”
Some of the impressively ignorant and uneducated things students think they know about the Vietnam War:
1) It was the bloodiest war in American history (alternatively) in world history.
2) The US invaded Vietnam to conquer it.
3) The “Vietnamese” won the Tet Offensive. If you ask them “which Vietnamese?”, you will just get a blank stare, so it is probably meaningless to pursue it further.
4) The US president who “started the Vietnam War” was Richard Nixon.
I had no idea that you were an orphan. God bless your Dad. He sounds like he was a good man as well.
Half an orphan, my mom is still very much alive...
Half an orphan is “not” an orphan! It’s very nice that you still have your mother. God bless you both. :-)
Ah. It’s like being half pregnant. I never did fully get all finer details these familial interrelationships...
Isn’t that that the damn truth. I was a buck fifty back then, now 185...
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