Posted on 12/02/2012 7:21:17 AM PST by SeekAndFind
Another benefit of marrying and having kids young is that they are “gone” while you are still young. Mine moved out at 18, I was 39 and I went to college. A whole new world. And it was fun in class where the young un’s would ask me “do you have a No. 2 pencil? — “an extra scan tron” — “can I borrow your notes from last Tuesday?” Annonyed me at first but I learned to enjoy it.
i was 31, and didn't meet my future husband until i was just about to turn 30... i could have married before that--a couple of times... so glad i didn't marry anyone who came before my husband... and even now in my late 40s (and he in his early 50s) sex is good!
Lots to agree with in this article…. with the strongest point likely being that sex with other partners (before supposedly that one big final permanent commitment) will mean that one’s heart is just that much more fragmented and hence more unable to love and focus on one’s spouse. This means that marriages between anybody other than virgins have a serious handicap and the divorce stats show it. One thing to strongly disagree with in the article… Sex is NOT just for the young. It is the primary element of the lifelong commitment that ultimately is the essence of marriage itself….in fact, it’s the only distinguishing feature that separates the marital relationship from all other relationships. Without sex, a marriage is for all intents and purposes, dead and that is true for all ages.
By the way married for 17 years, at the age of 22. We have four kids and could not have imagined doing it when we were in our 30’s. I know she makes me a better man. Without her, I would not know happyness.
This would be fine if we didn’t raise a society of perpetual adolescents.
i met my husband at 29 after a series of long-term relationships... i guess the thing is, i didn't want to get married before then... i was raised being told i would not marry young... and so i always knew i would not marry young... i love the life i had before i got married--bought my first house when i was 25, enjoyed my career, worked in ministry with wonderful young adult Christians... met my kindred spirit, who is 5 years older than i... we married a year later... when i met my husband i was sure i could marry him... and i treated my relationship with him differently than my relationships with the others...
Of course the downside is being single at 30 and realizing that “all of the good ones are already taken.”
“...all of the good ones are already taken.”
With a FEW acceptions, that is very true when it comes to women, especially in this day and age.
So, a very smart girl, with some very silly ideas. I think the culture, and the educational system, fill these girls with ideas that the most important thing is to have a fulfilling career.
That being said, the smartest women are the ones are are both educated and marry in their 20s. Its okay to have a career, but family should come first. I think many young women have been brainwashed into thinking that they can find a husband at any age. Not saying its impossible, but after 29, it gets much harder with each passing year.
Your daughter may also want to set her sights on older men, as they might appreciate her more. I can see where a 29 year old woman might not want to marry someone over 40, but there are advantages.
I was 43 when my first grandchild was born. She is now 28 married, and we still spend time together making memories.
I think in their minds people want to “maximize” instead of “satisfice” when it comes to marriage partners, they let perfect become the enemy of good.
I would add the the overall level of quality has dropped so precipitously that what isn't claimed isn't worth claiming.
AMEN!!
We were 18. Working on our 47th year together. It ain’t easy, just as some people think Christianity is supposed to be. It, too, requires faith, trust, honor, and most of all true love.
Married at 18/19 and will celebrate our 33rd year in the spring!
Kids all married and five grands.
Life is good!
My husband and I got married in our 30s. Since we were both really shy and professionally focused, there was no way we would have gotten there any faster.
There are advantages and disadvantages to this:
1. Pros
We have known true loneliness and are really grateful for each other. We are unlikely to “trade up” to a different spouse.
We don’t care about keeping up with what’s sexy and hip. We can raise our kids to be Godly and “square” without regret.
We have been to expensive hotels, concerts, traveled overseas, etc., so we don’t feel deprived if we skip these things to provide for our kids.
2. Cons
We don’t have as much energy.
We don’t have any help from grandparents, because they are frail or dead. And the kids only knew my husband’s parents, not mine.
All the first cousins are older than our kids.
We never knew each other when we were young and hot.
We were so self-sufficient that it is hard to build teamwork, instead of just dividing up chores or goals and doing them alone.
We wanted more kids, but my fertility ended.
I’d like my kids to marry younger than we did, so they don’t have some of the drawbacks we had. But it will be hard for them to find mature spouses with their priorities straight (God, family). I think the countries where parents help winnow out the bad prospects and introduce their kids to good ones are better than here, where people just go to bars and hope for the best.
Haha yes. I think it depends on the person but once settled there is no question about it.
You see someone in the 30s who has never been married nor in a long-term relationship, and you will think “What’s wrong with them?” It’s human nature to think that way. Maybe they were too “career-driven”, or just a bad partner who was incapable of sustaining long-term relationships.
As a result, I believe that makes it very difficult to develop complete trust in such people, that is necessary for a successful marriage.
I used to believe that it was good to wait and “figure yourself out” before settling down, but now, not so much, and it certainly not what I will advise my kids to do.
My advice now is, find someone good enough as soon as possible and make it work.
I think this pattern is the norm now. Not ideal but the norm.
Most men want a women who can help pay the bills so their holding out longer to find one.
Also the family laws are so anti-male that many men are shy about getting married.
Our culture is anti-marriage in subtle ways and this is the result.
Furthermore, let’s stop this idea of “meeting your soulmate.”
You don’t “meet” them, you “make” them.
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