Spam Haikus (For those who are rusty, haiku is an unrhymed Japanese lyric poem fixed three lines consisting of 5,7, and 5 syllables respectively.)
1.
Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe
2.
Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt
3.
Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aah, my poultice
4.
Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks
5. Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon
6.
And who dares mock Spam?
You? You? You are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck.
7.
Like some spongy rock
A granite, my piece of Spam
In sunlight on my plate.
8.
Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan
9. Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?
10.
In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door
11.
Pink tender morsel
Glistening with salty gel
What the hell is it?
12.
Ears, snouts and innards
A homogeneous mass
Pass another slice
13.
Old man seeks doctor
“I eat Spam daily,” he says.
Angioplasty
14.
Highly unnatural
The tortured shape of this “food”
A small pink coffin
15.
Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian
God love ya! Hilarious!
Back in the Carter years I thought the end of the world was coming and stocked up on TONS of Spam.
Years later we “boxed the Union” - Oceanside, CA to Alberta, East to NY, South to Orlando, FL, then back home to CA. Using up the cans, we ate Spam at least twice a day until the kids started crying when they saw the can come out.
To this day my oldest boy HATES the stuff, so naturally we sent him a Spam postcard from their factory and will now forward him your Haiku.
Life is good.
Those poems made me cry. “You are not bacon”......more tears.....
You could get these published in the Atlantic......with a few changes. First, change spam to a deer. Then, mention any excretory process. Viola! You’re published in the atlantic.
Pink beefy temptress
I can no longer remain
Vegetarian
Beefy? I don’t think they can afford to drop cows into those cans.
try:
Pink porcine temptress