You can’t leave me! Please! I’ll DIE without you. I’ll just die. Just watch. Oh, God, this is more than I can stand. I’ve put up with EVERYTHING from you for all these years. I’ve sacrificed and bit my tongue and just endured. I had complete faith in you when no one else did. And this is what happens. So, you think you can just treat me like this and LEAVE? You pig! You jerk! You don’t deserve a Freepette like me! You try to leave and I’ll make you sorry. I swear, you’ll pay. I’ll take everything, every penny you ever earned or ever will earn. I’m going to get the house, the kids, the pensions and 401K, all our investments. Then I’m going to make you pay alimony and child support til our children are 35! That will teach you! Wait ‘til my lawyer gets his hands on you, you’ll be begging to come home and apologize. But I love you. I’ll always love you. Just stay here. I’ll change, I swear it. I’ll get different medications...
Thank G-d my first ex wasn't that articulate. Maybe I'd have bought it ... nahh.
I laughed until my eyes teared up. Thanks for that; The opus was a flop, but I nominate your post for threadwinner.
And thank you TOL, for the kindly Ping.