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‘Holy shit. Glad I got over the guilt. I have known personally a few beautiful Mormon women that had affairs and killed themselves because of such guilt. Also a couple of young men that couldn’t measure up to the expectations you have talked about. Strange and controlling cult really does a number on good people.”

I have a story to tell, and there’s no right way to tell it other than straight out.

One huge number of suicides they don’t break down is the young teen men who commit suicide because they
are unable to stop committing the sin of masturbation. These are the fraction of young male mormons who are almost all born into the church snd are taught from the cradle thst if they lived a perfect life they go to heaven together as a family...this is also emphasized by the ceremonial family sealing, it’s like a celestial safety net so we don’t lose each other on the other side.

Two things are drilled into mormon babies from the crib, if you’re perfect you go to heaven and if you’re not, your family will go and you’ll be left alone forever.

When I was getting ready to turn 16? I think?...they take the boys getting ready to enter the Aaronic priesthood and they told all of us what a sin masturbation was, and how it would keep us out of the Celestial kingdom. Then he told those of us entering the priesthood that we would be interviewed privately by the bishop, and one of the most important question he would ask us is if we ever masturbated, and if we lied, the bishop would know because the Holy Ghost would tell him.

When my interview came up, I was one scared young man. Remember, I was born-in, fully brainwashed. It was one time being raised by abusive folks was a blessing, because it just didn’t weigh on me that much being separated from them. I knew I was going to lie, I was just afraid of getting caught. Later a boy named Alex in our church very much did care about it, and killed himself. While hearing church members talk about it, they mention other young men this has happened to.

After I left the church and entered the internet age, I found out the number is in the thousands, but they can only estimate, and no one is keeping track...mormons don’t want to talk about it, and yhe outside world doesn’t seem to be interested. Lots of young mormon men killing themselves and leaving goodbye notes to their family, mentioning the habit they can’t stop, and how they hope their leaving now means they still have a chance to be together, if they kill themselves now maybe they won’t be too blemished to enter heaven, and still be joined to them in the afterlife, even if they can’t be a God anymore.

The worst part was when his parents were asked to address the congregation, and they said although they were sad, they were also proud of him. And that because of the manner of his death, the fact that it was a bloody one gave them some comfort. I just don’t care to get into the blood atonement belief, if you’re interested there’s info.

BTW no one has any private business in the church. None. A man in my church had his wife run off, and the bishop had a holy ghost moment, and the guy was invited to address the gtoup, and he apologized for being such a poor mormon that he couldn’t keep his home in order, and everybody said Amen.

Sorry if I don’t catch all these typos. Freakin touchscreen.

Anyway, when it came time for my interview, I lied my Onan off, and the bishop didn’t zot me, and I guess that was the first nibble on the red pill that the whole birdcage was made out of horseshit. I began openly questioning the church, and got older adults so enraged, some of them, that I was actually physically struck twice, and sent more than one person walking out of a room with my questions.

The Bishops reaction to my rebellion was unusual. He made me president of the teacher’s quorum and kept giving me jobs to do around the church. I skated on the work and I was comatose to my leadership responsibilities. Finally, I refused to go to church with my parents any more, and I’m skipping on what happened after that.

Now, here’s the kicker: the bish told the prettiest girl in church, Jennifer B., thst the Holy Ghost told him she would be a great girlfriend for me and possibly future wife, and that she should “pray about it”. In school she came up to me, took the Coke out of my hand, and told me matter-of-factly that she loved me.

If I hadn’t been in full mad rebellion, I could have fallen for it. I just started steaming. Full outrage and hate at thd idea I was supposed to be that stupid, that they could manipulate me.

Big sigh...though, because over thirty years later, I remember every pixel of her drinking my coke. Blonde cheerleader. Damn.

Anyway, next time somebody says they know all sbout mormons and tbey’re just another christian religion, if you decide to give them a colonoscopy with your Redwing, I think God will forgive you.

One huge number of suicides they don’t break down is the young teen men who commit suicide because they are unable to stop committing the sin of masturbation.

But WAIT!

There's MORE!!

What is your church doing to help the male to stay true?

"All of this should be conveyed without having priesthood leaders focus upon intimate matters which are a part of husband and wife relationships. Skillful interviewing and counseling can occur without discussion of clinical details by placing firm responsibility on individual members of the Church to put their lives in order before exercising the privilege of entering a house of the Lord. The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice. If a person is engaged in a practice which troubles him enough to ask about it, he should discontinue it."
- Official Declaration of the First Presidency of the Church, January 5th, 1982

"Prophets anciently and today condemn masturbation. It induces feelings of guilt and shame. It is detrimental to spirituality. It indicates slavery to the flesh, not that mastery of it and the growth toward godhood which is the object of our mortal life. Our modern prophet has indicated that no young man should be called on a mission who is not free from this practice. What is more, it too often leads to grievous sin, even to that sin against nature, homosexuality. For, done in private, it evolves often into mutual masturbation-practiced with another person of the same sex and thence into total homosexuality...."
- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, Pages 77-79, 81-82

"Among the most common sexual sins our young people commit are necking and petting. Not only do these improper relations often lead to fornication, [unwed] pregnancy, and abortions - all ugly sins - but in and of themselves they are pernicious evils, and it is often difficult for youth to distinguish where one ends and another begins. They awaken lust and stir evil thoughts and sex desires. They are but parts of the whole family of related sins and indiscretions. Almost like twins, 'petting' and fornication are alike."
- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, page 65

spencer kimball "Also far-reaching is the effect of the loss of chastity. Once given or taken or stolen it can never be regained. Even in a forced contact such as rape or incest, the injured one is greatly outraged. If she has not cooperated and contributed to the foul deed, she is of course in a more favorable position. There is no condemnation where there is no voluntary participation. It is better to die in defending one's virtue than to live having lost it without a struggle."
- Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, page 196

"And Cain said unto the Lord, My punishment is greater than I can bear. Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the earth." (Genesis 4:9-14.) That was true of murder. It is also true of illicit sex, which, of course, includes all petting, fornication, adultery, homosexual acts, and all other perversions. The Lord may say to offenders, as He did to Cain, "What hast thou done?" The children thus conceived make damning charges against you; the companions who have been frustrated and violated condemn you; the body that has been defiled cries out against you; the spirit which has been dwarfed convicts you. You will have difficulty throughout the ages in totally forgiving yourself."
-Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, "Love Versus Lust", BYU Speech January 5, 1965. Often-used quote still used today in LDS seminary classes.

kimball "I do not find in the Bible the modern terms "petting" nor "homosexuality," yet I found numerous scriptures which forbade such acts under by whatever names they might be called. I could not find the term "homosexuality," but I did find numerous places where the Lord condemned such a practice with such vigor that even the death penalty was assessed."
- Apostle Spencer W. Kimball, "Love Versus Lust", BYU Speech January 5, 1965

"If adultery or fornication justified the death penalty in the old days, and still in Christ's day, is the sin any less today because the laws of the land do not assess the death penalty for it? Is the act less grievous? There must be a washing, a purging, a changing of attitudes, a correcting of appraisals, a strengthening toward self-mastery. There must be many prayers, and volumes of tears. There must be an inner conviction giving to the sin its full diabolical weight. There must be increased devotion and much thought and study. And this takes energy and time and often is accompanied with sore embarrassment, heavy deprivations and deep trials, even if indeed one is not excommunicated from the Church, losing all spiritual blessings."
-Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, Page 155

"How like the mistletoe is immorality. The killer plant starts with a sticky sweet berry. Little indiscretions are the berries -- indiscretions like sex thoughts sex discussions, passionate kissing, pornography. The leaves and little twigs are masturbation and necking and such, growing with every exercise. The full-grown plant is petting and sex looseness. It confounds, frustrates, and destroys like the parasite if it is not cut out and destroyed, for, in time it robs the tree, bleeds its life, and leaves it barren and dry; and, strangely enough, the parasite dies with its host."
- Apostle Spencer W. Kimball, General Conference Address, April 1, 1967.