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To: Kaslin
Kantor asks, "What is it that Jane Austen heroines do (that we’re not doing) that makes really satisfying happy endings possible for them, and not so likely for us?"

She stops the story at the wedding.

My parents who are getting ready to celebrate 50 years together once gave me the best advise about marriage. It. Is. Work.

You thought the courtship was work? Ha! You ain't seen nothing yet.

You can marry your perfect mate and guess what? At some point they are going to get on your nerves.

They are going to say something that just pushes your buttons.

They are going to be stubborn when you are being perfectly reasonable.

They are going to leave their shoes where you can trip over them.

They are going to criticize the way you do things.

They are going to want to paint the house a color you just hate.

If you don't go into marriage knowing that you are going to have to work at it for the rest of your life you are in for a rude shock.

And the most shocking part is when you find out you can't change your spouse so you are going to have to change you.

If both parties are not willing to work at making a good marriage then you are not going to get that "Happily Ever After". Oh you might stay married but you won't be happy.

Happy marriages are built day by day and action by action. You learn to ignore things.

You learn to do things differently.

You learn to never allow a argument to be carried into the bedroom and to end it before you go to bed. Never carry a argument over to the next day. Even if you are right. Sometimes especially if you are right.

You learn to wake up every morning and thank God for your spouse and then think about what you can do that day that will make your spouse happy.

It doesn't stop until one of you dies. And only then will you find that yes, you actually did "live happily ever after."

225 posted on 04/18/2012 5:59:52 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (In most cases, revenge is not a good thing. In other cases, it's the only thing.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Good list! Here are a couple more a wise friend listed years ago:

Strive for perfection yourself but do not expect it from your spouse.

Apologize first even if the other is more wrong.


230 posted on 04/18/2012 8:05:52 PM PDT by little jeremiah (We will have to go through hell to get out of hell. Signed, a fanatic)
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