>>That was a week after spending 50k cash on my kids bar mitzvah<<
I am sorry, I just don’t understand that.
I can’t even begin to start on how I don’t understand that. Even if it was salad days and you were reeling in $ hand over fist, I don’t understand that.
I can’t even see that for a WEDDING. $50K invested when a kid is 13, even at a low rate of return would be a considerable college fund.
I saved that for 5 years. My daughter got hers two years prior for 50k. I was doing very well and my wife’s business was doing very well. We had our retirement put away, my cars were paid off, I had no credit cards and m kids had money for school. Then one day I get the call to come up to HR and to bring the Box that was packed for me that morning.
It was at that point I realized I had two choices. Fight back or eat my S&W. I chose to fight. Since 2008 I have missed over 16 months of work. And I never missed a payment! Smaller house, smaller cars, smaller dinners.
And I am happy.
Our wedding cost around $500 and that included everything from the gown to the peanuts and was nicer than any of our friends’. Quality doesn’t equal dollars.
You can’t spend money if you don’t go anywhere. You can’t charge anything if you leave your credit cards at home. I’d concentrate on getting the cards paid down asap. Get a second job and if it’s feasible take in a renter. Learn to be frugal. Know the difference between wants and needs. You do not need new clothes. You do not need a new tv. You do not need all the bells and whistles on your cell phone bill. You don’t need cable tv when you can watch almost anything on the internet. If you truly do need something, you can usually borrow it, buy it second hand or even trade for it.
As for how we make do, we don’t waste money. Mortgage paid off. Vehicles paid off. Credit cards are paid off every month unless there was something big. We don’t eat out much or go anywhere that costs money. The only movies I’ve seen in years are the Harry Potter ones and only at matinee prices and of course no trip to the snack bar. Buy off brand staples at the grocery store and stock up on sales. The garden is helping with fresh veggies. Very seldom is any food thrown out because even little bits of leftovers can be brown bagged or frozen or given to the dogs. We make do with what we have. If I want something, I take a few days or even months to decide if we have something that will substitute or if I can make the thing with items found around the house for free. As others have said, make Goodwill, garage sales, and the library your friends.