Posted on 02/14/2011 10:20:47 AM PST by Libloather
Should Black People Walk Away from Valentine's Day Spending?
By Boyce Watkins, PhD on Feb 14th 2011 10:56AM
Most men know how expensive Valentine's Day can get. Someone decided that spending money is somehow a translation to showing love, which is an interesting, misguided relationship philosophy. Valentine's Day is one of the most over-hyped holidays known to man, with advertising starting almost right after Christmas. Any man in a serious relationship is well-aware of the pending doom of his social life if he doesn't flex his wallet at least a little bit on that special day.
According to the National Federation's 2010 Valentine's Day Consumer Intentions and Actions Survey, over $14 billion is spent on Valentine's Day-related purchases. This is roughly $103 for every single man, woman and child in America. Yes, the hype has real economic consequences.
What's even crazier is that 2010 doesn't even set a record. In 2008, $17 billion was spent on the holiday. (Perhaps all those 'Oprah Winfrey' shows about saving money kicked in and people started to show their love in ways that went beyond spending money.) These numbers make me wonder why I have to prove my love for others by busting my bank account on a holiday created by someone else.
The challenge of Valentine's Day can be especially daunting for African American men, who struggle with unemployment rates approaching 20 percent. Black family wealth is, according to recent estimates, as low as one-fiftieth that of white families, and millions of African Americans are facing bankruptcy, foreclosure and other forms of economic devastation. The struggle to find economic resources makes it difficult for men to become providers, and adds to the stress of black families that are already struggling to stay together. It also makes it difficult for single men to date or show affection to the woman in whom they may be interested, primarily because economic stability is highly correlated with the perception of an individual's manhood. Valentine's Day can only make the embarrassment that much worse for men who are trying to survive in an economy where they have the worst unemployment and educational levels in the nation.
My belief? African Americans may want to consider letting go of Valentine's Day, at least the over-commercialized part of it. For women, I suggest that you make a deal with your man: tell him that you don't want him to spend very much money on you -- but what he doesn't spend in money, he must overcompensate for with time and affection. Your man will appreciate you letting him off the hook and he will hopefully return the favor by giving you a level of loyalty he wouldn't be willing to give to anyone else. Being a true partner in love means helping your partner become stronger, not becoming yet another drain on their resources. By getting away from models of romantic interaction that become nothing more than economic exchanges, millions of members of the black community can find everlasting love.
Have you ever heard anyone tell of the great Kwanza gift they got ?
ALL men should boycott Valentine’s Day. How dare some faceless conglomerate tell me when I should honor my wife? I absolutely refuse to buy on command. And if my wife is so grasping and superficial that she can’t discern a gift bought under duress, I don’t want her as a wife anyway. Thankfully, she despises this fake holiday almost as much as I do.
If you want to show your love for your spouse, you can (and should) do it entirely spontaneously any day(s) of the year. Except Feb 14.
Ummm, no you won't. At least not by me.
“The writer is saying black women aren’t worth it.”
I try really hard to treat her like a queen all year around. She’s the BEST!!!
Therein lies the scam. The occasion was invented solely to milk guilt trips for money.
Why? Because they are black? Does that make them not human?
At least Valentine’s Day has some historical precedent from many centuries ago. The ones I truly despise are “Sweetest Day” (had a girl friend try to put the arm on me over that one), “Boss’s Day”, “Secretaries Day”, and “Grandparents’ Day”. They’re called Hallmark Holidays for a reason - they were made up by Hallmark to drive revenue. And I don’t participate.
I love Valentines Day. I always have. It’s neat. All the flowers and candy and seeing what everyone gets at the office. It’s romantic and should be thought of as so. What’s wrong with couples in love?
Nothing’s wrong with it. Some people just like to be the victim I guess.
An excellent attitude!
I’d rather my husband came home with a library book he knows will interest me, or gave the baby a bath while I’m teaching Sunday School or leading Cub Scouts. Those things take some knowledge of what I will value. Buying jewelry would require ignoring what I’ve said I value, and I don’t consider that an expression of love.
However, one year around our anniversary (Feb. 4), I saw a pair of silver and amber earrings that I wanted, and he happily bought them for me.
“Black family wealth is, according to recent estimates, as low as one-fiftieth that of white families..”
He really wrote that? Black family wealth = 2% of white family wealth? Really ??
Valentine’s Day is fine, it has its purpose. It’s fine for young romantics. It doesn’t move me one way or the other. But to write a whole nonsensical article about how it affects Americans of African heritage negatively is comical.
For example, the old "map fight" in the car: As soon as I started to fuss about her map reading, the map went back into the glove compartment. She didn't utter a word. I eventually learned to be sweet most of the time.
Still, she picked my screen moniker for me.
I am sure that God chose this woman for me. I don't want to get the "Big Guy" upset up over the way I treat His gift.
“The occasion was invented solely to milk guilt trips for money.”
And there isn’t a red blooded male that hasn’t figured that one out...women, too! They know we know. So, it is all about having fun, and we like to. Any optional and stressful event we tend to shy away from, so we do the flowers and cards and sometimes presents but we do not go out. We go out enough and Valentines Day is just too much trouble. I’ll make her a real nice dinner (Chicken Saffron in a wine sauce this year), and stay home and enjoy each other as we often do. We keep it light hearted and enjoy ourselves.
“Doesn’t make either the female or male focus any less shallow.”
I would argue, as before, that, far from shallow, these are deeply rooted preferances and behaviors.
I invested about $12 in strawberries and chocolate “Almond Bark” and we made chocolate-dipped strawberries for the whole family. It was fun, tasty, and inexpensive!
My wife really loved ‘em, too!
Does Boyce happen to have a diamond engagement ring from her husband? I so, I wonder if she knows where that tradition originated.....
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/15362/the_history_behind_the_debeers_diamond.html?cat=46
Black wealth is a lot lower. It’s true. Black income, however, is only slightly lower. Translation: Blacks are a great target market when you’re looking for people who will spend their money and not save it.
Now, there is a plan I could work with!
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