Posted on 01/06/2011 9:22:43 AM PST by Notary Sojac
It's boxy, bland, and relentlessly practical, but in an age of diminished wealth and high unemployment, maybe that combination doesn't sound so bad. Despite those qualities, or because of them, the minivan is making a comeback.
Sales are up, new models are appearing, and the woman who once did the blog "Rage Against the Minivan" has fallen in love with one. "In marketing campaigns featuring heavy-metal theme songs, rapping parents, secret agents in cat masks, pyrotechnics and even Godzilla, minivan makers are trying to recast the much-ridiculed mom-mobile as something that parents can be proud—or at least unashamed—of driving," reports The New York Times.
This is known as reinventing the wheel. Minivans became popular in the 1980s because they offered so many things—abundant seating, ease of entry for young children, decent fuel economy, and cargo space without excessive bulk. For a generation in its fertile years, they were the solution to every need.
Except one: the perennial urge of many baby boomers to believe they are cool. Our parents knew better than to expect hipness to coexist with diapers and PTA meetings. But the postwar generation is the one advertisers asked, seductively: "Who says you can't have it all?"
Apparently, though, the urge to be awesome has carried over to Generation X. That explains why automakers are trying so hard to convince them that basic, functional transportation is not a fate worse than fiery death.
Toyota is selling the Sienna as a "Swagger Wagon" after hearing consumers lament, "I don't like being the soccer-mom joke or feeling like I've given up all trace of my identity to be a parent," according to marketing manager Richard Bame.
Good luck with that. Portraying minivans as radical is like trying to sell Kansas to snowboarders.
It's also largely pointless. The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who, when they have kids, worry they are no longer cool, and those who, when they have kids, think being a parent is cooler than anything they've ever done. The latter group will consider a minivan. The former won't, even if you paint a skull and crossbones on it.
For those captivated by parenthood, the appeal of stylish wheels is (or was) nothing compared to a car that could carry baseball gear for an entire Little League, transport a flock of first-graders to Chuck E. Cheese's, get double-digit gas mileage, and ride appreciably better than a Conestoga wagon. In my book, coolness was a consolation prize for the poor mopes who were missing out on Indian Princesses.
But some people feel differently, which is why the rise of minivans was accompanied by the rise of something far less sensible: the sport-utility vehicle. With its truck frame, macho looks, and off-road capability, it allowed Americans to drive station wagons to the grocery store and ballet lessons while pretending to be Marlboro Men (and Women) riding the range.
Never mind that SUVs typically carried fewer passengers, got worse fuel economy, handled like front-end loaders and had a regrettable tendency to flip over. Plenty of people were desperate to overlook all these shortcomings rather than be publicly unmasked as parents.
The SUV's cherished dirt-eating, boulder-climbing feature was generally unneeded by suburban parents. For that matter, it was greatly exaggerated. One of the more surreal experiences of my life came when the people at DaimlerChrysler refused to honor the transmission warranty on my son's Jeep because—prepare to be shocked—he had taken it off-road.
Maybe Generations X and Y are getting past the drab associations that once hung over minivans. Sales reached about 450,000 last year, up 9 percent over 2008. But that was still only about a third of the total at the peak 10 years ago.
How come? Because the industry has figured out a different way to capture those buyers looking for the best features of a minivan. SUVs and "crossover" vehicles have acquired smoother rides, third-row seats, and better fuel economy. In essence, millions of Americans are driving minivans disguised as trucks—sheep in wolves' clothing.
Maybe minivans will take a bigger share of the market as some consumers decide they might as well have the real thing. But with all their interior space, minivans can't carry the one thing many motorists must have at all times: their illusions.
“Most dangerous vehicles on the road”
I once had a trauma surgeon tell me the same thing. The sliding door on the side give it zero integrity in a side-impact crash or a rollover. The whole roof can cave in, too, due to the design of the door. Or so he claimed.
“Why do you think the classic mid life crisis thing is for men to get a sports car or motorcycle.”
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the love affair with vehicles. I love cars. But, I don’t see myself as being defined by my car. I don’t let image define my need. I needed a minivan, and I thought anyone who would think less of me because I drove one was not playing with a full deck.
As a driver, I prefer cars. They are more nimble, and just more enjoyable to drive.
1993 Ford Aerostar and 2001 Toyota Sienna - both workhorses for my family, even if my wife IS now ready to get out of the minivan zone.
Colonel, USAFR
My 10 year old Jeep Cherokee XJ will drag your minivan over the river and through the woods and on to Grandmas house.
Not under warranty? Buy some tools and fix it yourself!
Minivans are for wussies.
We’ve got two minivans and an SUV, among other vehicles.
The Expedition is wonderful. For a large, luxury vehicle, it has great capabilities. A few seasons ago, during a kid’s snow derby in the Cascade Mountains, I tried to get it stuck. I was intrigued by a patch of rolling, unplowed, ground. Other dads were around for extraction if I got into trouble. No problems! The thing ground through grille-high snow and got me back to the road.
However, mostly the SUV sits. We just moved, and the older minivan (Dodge Grand Caravan) has been a Jack-of-all-trades. I’ve been using it as a pick-up truck to the dump, cargo hauler, and bus. We keep taking the seats in and out, in, and out, people, cargo, people, cargo. I was shocked when the riding lawn tractor fit.
As far as image projection goes, I’ve found I can be a snarling predator in any vehicle I drive. But mostly, I’m just a nice guy.
“I once had a trauma surgeon tell me the same thing. The sliding door on the side give it zero integrity in a side-impact crash or a rollover. The whole roof can cave in, too, due to the design of the door. Or so he claimed.”
My auto mechanic said to avoid ERs, trauma surgeons are the most dangerous types of physicians.
depends on the off-roading. i’ve seen lots of exploders, blazers, jimmys, rav4s, highlanders, samouris- all manner of suvs on the dunes and throughout state parks in MI.
Dirt track minivan racing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_395TMhnSg
Not too much different from Saturday afternoon in the mall parking lot.
Well, my mechanical engineer says necrosis released biomarkers are a good indicator of myocardial infarction.
I just like driving a car that goes where I point it and stops where I want it.
I also prefer to stay safe through maneuverability rather than armor plate.
Hey brownsfan, good schtick! We pulled the same gag twice.
lol.... well played!
“Hey brownsfan, good schtick! We pulled the same gag twice.”
Yours was decidedly more elegant, but same basic premise. Great minds think alike?
It annoys me how people assign ultra competency in any area to doctors.
I’ll take half the wheels, and agree with you. Plus you sportscar guys don’t have to put up with the “Uncle Fred” stories we motorcyclists hear all the time.
You know, as soon as they see you on a motorcycle, somebody has to regale you with story about poor “Uncle Fred” who ground his face off riding one of those two-wheel hellfounts.
I totally agree with you, fan. And if one allows themselves to be defined by the marketers or their vehicles, what does that say about ones true character and motivation? Don't older men who drive sports cars/motorcycles know that many are laughing at them - we don't think it's cool to cop out with mid-life crises.
No, no, your’s was more to the point. I would have posted first if I didn’t have to look up convincing jargon on the interweb.
“Don’t older men who drive sports cars/motorcycles know that many are laughing at them - we don’t think it’s cool to cop out with mid-life crises.”
Be careful now. Not all older guys who own sports cars are having a crisis. I really like sports cars. I had one, until it died, and will again. But, if you feel like laughing at me when I drive it, have at it. :)
Unlike the crisis guys, I understand that a sports car with a 50+ year old bald guy is NOT a chick magnet!
I aint ever buying a milfvan...er, I mean minivan.
Like Notary Sojac said, do we get a pass if we were into the activity in our youth? Perhaps an international hand gesture indicating our status? I’m not ready for the home and wheelchair yet.
I’ve been given a slide from veteran cops when I pull off my helmet and they see a graybeard instead of a squid. From younger troopers, not so much.
Agreed. I should have been more careful in my word selection. A mid-life crisis guy is identifiable by his comportment.
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