I guess how one could interpret the conversation as disrespectful if they don’t understand my family. It was a heated conversation and it wasn’t the first one her and I have had on this or many other subjects. My family tends to take on the tone of “my big fat greek wedding”. We don’t have “respectful, quiet debates.” We have loud, table-pounding, passionate debates! Nobody loves to argue more than we do. Every conversation with her is stimulating for both of us and terrible fun. (There has *never* been any name calling from any member of my entire family toward another. Ever. We are passionate, not hurtful. The debates are never personal.) Heck, even when we agree it sounds like we’re arguing. We’re just adding points to the discussion.
Two seconds later the subject changes and we’re laughing over a funny story. (”Funny” in *our* eyes... All of us tend to have a bit of “gallows” humor. It’s a good thing G-d gave us each other because very few people get us as a group.)
You have to realize that I have the classic Boomer/Gen Xer relationship with my mom where I’ve done most of the parenting. (*Her* words, not mine.) She didn’t have a lot of guidance from her own parents and, when she was young, she was confused by the messages of society and followed the herd. Followed it into multiple divorces, debt and massive work and business failure all in the name of “following her dream”. As a kid, I sat back and observed. By the time I was 15, I had pretty much figured out what didn’t work and I started steering her in the right direction. (I made my share of mistakes in my 20’s, too. I knew what NOT to do, but I hadn’t figured out what to do yet. She supported me unconditionally through that.) She taught me all of the basics of life (cooking/cleaning/reading/writing/and the very important lesson about loving G-d). I taught her about money management, relationship management and politics. In the end, we’ve supported each other through the trial and error of the learning curve and we both turned out pretty well!
Now she’s matured and she’s madder about this whole mess than I am. She’s furious that her grandchildren’s future is in question.
But she’s also just as scared as I am. Probably more right now because she’s in her 60’s, has no husband and partially disabled.
I’ve never let her turn away from truth because it was scary. In our relationship, we take turns being the “tough one”. That day, it was my turn.
After I let her sleep on it, I broached the topic again and she was more vocal than I was! Snarling mad! And not about protecting her SS. She was mad and wanting to protect her country and her prodigy’s future.
But the main point I was trying to make is that she’s not the only Boomer having difficulty coming to grips with this terrifying reality and she’s not the only one I’ve had similar conversations with. To her credit, she’s the only one that eventually “got it.”
I’m afraid, ladies. I’m afraid that the Boomers are going to be taken off guard by reality when they’re at their most vulnerable. I’m afraid that the younger generations won’t have the compassion necessary to deal with the issues in a humane way. Many in my generation feel that we were abandoned by our parents in our childhood and do not feel a great debt to their elders. I’m very afraid that the evil of euthanasia will become a reality. At the very least, I’m afraid that we’ll start denying medical services to the elderly. The Boomers need to wake up before they can’t do anything about it.
I *won’t* fall into the trap of treating the elderly like children. They are mature, intelligent, proud adults who’ve lived full lives and have decades of valuable experience. Someone thinks it’s wrong to “scare” Grandma? Well, “Grandma” is a woman grown who is perfectly capable of facing reality with wisdom and common sense. No one in my family suffers from an age-related mental deficit and I won’t treat them like delicate invalids. (I may be 40, but I’d probably get slapped if I tried to patronize one of my elders.)
>>I *won’t* fall into the trap of treating the elderly like children. They are mature, intelligent, proud adults who’ve lived full lives and have decades of valuable experience. Someone thinks it’s wrong to “scare” Grandma? Well, “Grandma” is a woman grown who is perfectly capable of facing reality with wisdom and common sense.<<
Oh my Goodness, you are brilliant!
My BIL treats my FIL this way. The man was a VP of a major utility company, has all his facilities and can take care of himself. Yet the BIL micromanages his life. It’s sad.
And your family sounds like my Polish Family!
Sorry I didn't come to that conclusion without you pointing my nose at it! Like I told netmilsmom, I am just furious everyday now with this administration and I'm not used to feeling that way.
So, I got froggy and hopped when I should have stayed on the lily pad! I apologize. You know best how to handle your mom. Mine, I have to handle with kid gloves.
So, Marie I extend the hand of apology and we'll all live to fight another day - but not each other. : )