Posted on 08/27/2010 11:08:49 AM PDT by fathers1
Welcome to Free Republic.
Why is this posted in “News”?
Thanks for not excerpting but this really belongs in “Bloggers”.
This problem is more common than one might think. I have gone through it for 10 years, and it still continues today.
Parental Alienation is child abuse and should be seen as such by courts.
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PAS is not a recognized disorder by the American Psychiatric Association and therefore can not be argued in court.
Divorce - on the other hand - is child abuse. No child can go through the turmoil of a divorce and not come out all messed up.
Here’s an idea. For couples embarking on a marriage - who see nothing askew in pre-nuptials as it pertains to MONEY!! include the following vow:
I promise that any children born of this marriage will be loved, nurtured and raised to majority by both of us in accordance with our faith...that should this marriage fail, be annulled or otherwise dissolved - children born of this union will not be separated from either parent for longer than one week; custody and material wealth to be shared and spent on our offspring equally.
That should do it!!!
4 years for me, try reading “Divorce Poison”, my kids and I still have a good relationship in part due to that book.
Is there any discussion of a happily married couple, wherein one parent decides to, say, focus on work exclusively and neglect the children in that way? I have seen countless families that are intact, but the father is working 24/7 and is absent on the weekend too, playing golf or sometimes still working, traveling?
The problem is, it is hard to define and prove.
Before you convict someone as a child abuser, you had better have very overwhelming evidence of such. Not someone’s reported “feelings.”
That should do it!!!
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You would think. But nope. You can’t pre-nup a kid. No court in any state is allowed to recognize pre-nups like this.
wrong forum
My husband works a ton and doesn’t get to see our children as much as he would like.
I think the main thing is that I don’t work. The kids know why my husband is sacrificing so much. We’ve talked about me going back to work, but we have all agreed that the situation is best for me to stay home. He can pull in more money doing that, and then the kids have one parent always available instead of 2 parents partially available.
Our kids also go to private Christian school. It’s a huge sacrifice that our whole family thinks is worth it.
We also don’t see it as neglect. We see it as my husband making a huge sacrifice. We all know he would rather be with us.
My sister's kids were messed up by the marriage. Their father is a control freak who dictated every aspect of everything and flew into rages when everything wasn't perfect. Since they separated, he's continued to try to control my sister (who just isn't playing anymore) and trash talks her to the kids when he has them, They don't talk much about about their time with him, but always seem relieved when they get back.
The divorce was incredibly bitter, with one lawyer dropping him because he refused to discuss compromising on anything. Among other things, he demanded psychiatric evaluations for my sister, the kids, my mother and her husband. When my sister agreed, provided he'd get one too, he flew into another rage, then dropped the idea. His goal was a court trial where he could publicly humiliate her. Among other things, he accused her of being an alcoholic based on the fact that once, years before, she'd gotten drunk at a New Years Eve party.
What finally motivated my sister to leave was when she saw her son beginning to show some of the same signs, Therapy has helped him considerably, although it was tough going for a while.
Sometimes it’s evident. My sons 2 boys are not allowed to call him “Dad”. SHE won’t allow it. The court ignores it. My grandsons have no idea who he is or his grandparents. THEN she tells them that we want nothing to do with them. She won’t allow visits. They just moved again so we don’t even know where they are.
I can understand where your sister is coming from. My daughter flatly refuses any contact with me with much encouragement from her controlling dad and their twisted step mom. It is the saddest thing that has ever happened to me. But I recognize her dad’s hand in the whole thing.
My post should say “My grandsons have no idea who he is or their grandparents”.
****You can’t pre-nup a kid****
Sad, because they are the most precious result of a marriage between a man & a woman.
My thought was by just having such a promise in the wedding vows, it would raise awareness of having innocent children and their suffering through divorce and custody crises.
Textbook for my ex-DIL and grandchildren. Sad, very sad but the courts could care less. Unless she beats them black and blue every day the courts will do nothing.
It doesn’t matter that she leaves them alone for days at a time, they’re over 10 and can take care of themselves, it doesn’t matter if she won’t buy them decent clothes, school supplies, food, they’re dressed and they can have 2 meals at school.
They have a loving father who they now know, too late, isn’t the monster they had been brainwashed to believe in during the eval and the counselling. My granddaughter told me that one day she told the counselor the truth and the counselor called her mother and she got in bad trouble.
My granddaughter didn’t ever want to see another counselor but I convinced her that there are good ones and she asked her mother if she could go to one and her mother said my granddaughter couldn’t go unless she was present because all my granddaughter was going to do was talk bad about her.
One thing about the mother being gone all the time is that my granddaughter calls me and we talk for hours in the middle of the night. No, I don’t say bad things about her mother to her but I sure think them.
It is so sad. I have to say that I was a little upset with my grandchildren when I found out how badly they lied but my son told me and I could see that they did it for their own survival. They regret it horribly now but they’re a lot older.
They want to live with their father so bad it hurts and they tried so hard to convince her but she said no. One thing, it scared their mother to death and at least now, she is treating them nicer. My granddaughter finally got a bed and doesn’t sleep on the floor anymore, she wasn’t even allowed to sleep on the couch “because it is new”.
Yeah, I just had my second child, and death seems preferable to divorce.
Go home and hug your kids and tell them you love them.
The resistance of the shyster lobby on purely political grounds to accept PA as a reality, is an indictment of the ethics of the entire domestic law establishment.
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