Posted on 12/31/2009 9:05:22 AM PST by Ed Hudgins
[New Year's resolutions are often put in terms of "I have to" and fill in the blank with what you think you must do. David Kelley warns that "To say 'I have to' is to speak the language of compulsion, duty, authority." David suggests we speak "the language of values instead of the language of duty, 'want-to' instead of 'have-to'."]
How many times during the course of a week do we say "I have to..."?
I have to take out the trash...change the oil in my car...pay my Visa bill...I have to give a presentation at the sales meeting...take the final exam in physics...entertain my in-laws this weekend.... My wife and I really have to talk about our daughter's problem in school, about how much we're spending on food, about the fight we had yesterday....I have to lose some weight...get more sleep...take more initiative in my job. These are the kinds of things that typically appear in "To-do" lists and New Year's resolutions. And most of them, taken literally, are false. In the practice of Objectivism, it is important to keep in mind exactly why they are false.
In her essay "Causality Versus Duty" (reprinted in Philosophy: Who Needs It), Ayn Rand related the story of a woman's being told she's got to do something. "'Mister [the woman replied], there's nothing I've got to do except die.'" Rand went on to say:
"Reality confronts man with a great many "musts," but all of them are conditional; the formula of realistic necessity is: "You must, if " and the "if" stands...
(Excerpt) Read more at atlassociety.org ...
I get to take out the trash because I have the means to buy things....I "get to" pick up my kids from school because I own a vehicle. I "get to" go to work because I possess talents and abilities that are worth being paid for.
Gratitude and discontent cannot exist in the same plane....start turning the "have to's" into "get-to's" and one's whole outlook can change.
Happy New Year to all!
bfltr
Try replacing the word “but” with “and”.
” I love you but you have a zit on the end of your nose.”
“ I love you and you have a zit on the end of your nose.”
” I’d like to paint the house this weekend but I have other things to do as well”
“ I’d like to paint the house this weekend and I have other things to do as well”
Try it yourself.....no more buts.
IMEO, saying “I have to” is usually verbal and or mental shorthand.
Saying “I have to” usually assumes an unstated and sometimes unthought of follow on, possibly a consequence.
“I have to take out the trash if I don't want it to spill over on the floor and stink up the house”
“I have to change the oil in my car because I want to maintain the warranty and help the car last as long as possible.”
“I have to pay my Visa bill to keep them from canceling the card and to maintain my credit rating.”
“I have to give a presentation at the sales meeting or the boss will fire me.”
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