AVATAR (2009)** (out of four)(Dances with Thundersmurfs?)

http://filmfreakcentral.net/ ^ | Dec 2009 | Walter Chaw

[Maelstorm]

A morally, historically, socially, and politically childish amalgam of Pocahontas and Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, Avatar finds James Cameron--still the Cameron of Titanic (or the uncomfortably simpering T2, if we're honest with ourselves) rather than the Cameron of Aliens and The Terminator--trying his hand at being Kevin Costner: powerful, dim, and only relevant for a tiny window of time he doesn't realize has already closed. The more simple-minded liberal proselytizing he perpetrates like Avatar, the farther away he gets from the B-movie muscularity that indicated his early career. It's a bad thing, believe me, that the first set of movies people think to compare your latest to is first George Lucas' ridiculous prequel trilogy--then Dances with Wolves.

Like Lucas, Cameron's made the fatal error of writing his own screenplay, larding it with gut-busters like "Pandora will make Hell seem like R&R!" whilst recasting Native Americans as giant blue cats and Sam Worthington as the Next Big Has-Been (see: Cameron's failed attempts to shove Michael Biehn down America's throat). Cameron's long-awaited reunion with Sigourney Weaver isn't another Alien flick, but this thing with Ripley recast as do-gooder scientist Dr. Grace, battling the bellicose military over the soul of the Noble Savages inhabiting a verdant planet. Man is here, see, to harvest priceless ore "Unobtainium" (seriously--if you're that committed to being retarded, why not call it "Cantgetitanywhereium," or "Itsrareium"?) with a band of mercenaries at the beck of Cameron's evil, monolithic Company, led by pressed-shirt Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi). We're not far now from naming someone "General Grievous," are we? Dr. Grace has developed the titular Avatar program, which breeds giant blue cats that are then electronically linked with human drivers--the better to freak out learn the ways of the natives and win their hearts and minds. A shame that jarhead Jake (Worthington) falls in love with giant blue cat Neytiri (Zoe Saldana, doing voice and MoCap duties), fucks her under the Spirit Tree upon becoming a member of The People (the Na'vi), and switches sides to repulse the human spoilers after taming a dragon, fulfilling a primitive prophecy, and earning the Indians' fealty. Stupid Indians.

Of course the military, led by muscle-bound Duke Nukem manqué Col. Quaritch (Stephen Lang), doesn't understand the beauty of the Na'vi culture nor the bumfuddling sanctity of nature, and of course Selfridge doesn't care that the Na'vi's village is housed in a mystical tree that's growing over the largest concentration of unobtainium in the known universe. What you should care about is that Cameron has essentially retold the Pocahontas story with giant blue cats subbing for the Powhatan and every single Native American stereotype subbing for taste. (Jar Jar isn't speaking Jamaican! He's an alien!) The Na'vi, it seems, are literally in tune with their Mother Earth, use little feelers in their tails to again literally commune with their horses, and engage in brutal spiritual rituals in order to Man Called Horse whitey into their inner ranks. Fans of oaters will also be pleased to check off: the presence of a Magua-type character who doesn't like Jake very much because paleface is making eyes at his squaw; the noble chief who takes shrapnel; the witch woman making witchy pronouncements; and the moment when Captain Smith makes good by conquering a savage superstition and henceforth rallies his clan with the horse-cats of the plains and the fierce water-cats of the north. Because this is a Cameron joint, you also have a tough-talking Latina and a bunch of scary-looking mechas; and because this is a late-Cameron joint, there's unfortunately a lot of stuff about how humans destroyed their own planet out of greed, how the misguided men must fight "terror with terror" by employing "some kind of shock and awe," and how naïve an intellectually-limited billionaire filmmaker sounds when trying to force himself into some kind of relevant conversation.

The real hell of this 160-minute marathon is that it's shot well, edited brilliantly, paced with heat and wisdom, and yet undone at its end by its reliance on the same old shit--on stale outrage (Bush Jr. lied to get us into Iraq? Well, gorsh!) and tired paternalism. This exact thing was done better, and with infinitely more scabrous self-awareness, in an episode of "Futurama" called "Where the Buggalo Roam"--a sad thing to say about a film that took ten years and a medium-sized country's GDP to bring to fruition. Even the special effects, though, have the scrolling, smooth quality of a Pixar feature without the commensurate command of storytelling and almost mystical contact with the zeitgeist. An extended sequence of Jake exploring this wonderland, Pandora, has him tripping luminescent moss in a deeply sad--and probably unintentional--homage to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" video, while elsewhere, Cameron inserts the (literal) deus ex machina in floating forest spirits plucked from Miyazaki's cutting-room floor. It isn't much better than the faux-wow of Ferngully, clarifying the truism that cutting-edge F/X, if not married to a thematically-strong, well-written framework, result in ferociously-defended pieces of camp-classic drag bullshit like Tron and Willow.

Worth mentioning is that Avatar, along with end-of-aughts brothers like Precious, The Blind Side, Invictus, Transformers 2, et al, demonstrates that the United States remains incapable of dealing directly with race in its mainstream, prestige entertainments in any way save for the obvious, pandering, sometimes condescending, sometimes just bigoted, always ignorant, and, it almost goes without saying, tediously offensive. In defense of Avatar, it's probably the best Cameron can do with regards to discussing the Native American genocide--that is, replicate the Trail of Tears as space cats evicted from their burning tree and showcase them chanting to the Great Mother to save the soul of the white man, then hijack history to show the beset-upon, oil-rich nation triumphing over its evil exploiters. It's The New World, but the Powhatan succeed in repulsing the Colonists. It's so confused about itself, with its Princess Mononoke rebellion of Nature subtext married to its wampum-for-Manhattan outrage, that despicable Colonel Quaritch snarls at Jake at one point, "What does it feel like to betray your own...race?" It's pitiable. At least Avatar, while displaying the same racial insensitivity and tin ear as Titanic, is unlikely to pollute the culture to the same extent or for anywhere near the same duration as Titanic. Watch the recent "South Park" satire of it ("Dances with Smurfs"), created without first-hand knowledge of the film at a miniscule fraction of its budget, to see the poor, benighted thing punched square in the babymaker.-Walter Chaw

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

[BubbaBasher]

Last night's episodes of NCIS and NCIS-LA followed that Muslimes good, Christians bad pattern.

I was caught offguard by that too. It was pretty pathetic and made for a lousy episode. I'll see Avatar knowing what to expect and enjoy the effects while ignoring the message.

[Sarajevo]

Thundersmurfs?

LOL!

There's something about being eye to bellybutton with a 10ft tall woman though...........

[Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus]

And the best of all; “Unobtainium-seriously—if you’re that committed to being retarded, why not call it “Cantgetitanywhereium,” or “Itsrareium”

This begs the question - if the ore is called "Unobtainium," implying that it is unobtainable, then why are we even bothering? If we're going to go to all that effort, at least try to corner the market on Difficulttogettium or something where the challenge will be rewarded.

[stephenjohnbanker]

Have fun. I hate movie theaters

Can’t smoke

Can’t drink

Too many a holes

[autumnraine]

I know, right?

All that work, just for the unobtainable...

[1776 Reborn]

I wasn’t aware it was a girl flick movie. lol

[DesertSapper]

Since I've seen the South Park version, I guess there's no need to watch Cameron's now.

"Dances with Thundersmurfs" . . . love that title!

[junta]

Thanks, my god this sounds like another lefty clunker written by a nutter who is so conflicted that he borders on schitzophrenia. Typical libdhimmi plot though, savages wonderful but need white liberal leadership to fully actuallize their wonderfulness, almost the entire plot line of a useless liberal life.

[Wolfie]

If you need half a billion worth of special effects to tell a story, then the story isn’t worth telling.

[qwertypie]

Citing a few exceptions isn’t persuasive. Going weekly (or monthly) to the movies and watching primetime dramas only puts money in the hands of people who are our enemies, not adversaries.

[sportutegrl]

Wasn't 'Unobtanium' used in The Core?

[Rummyfan]

Sam Worthington as the Next Big Has-Been (see: Cameron's failed attempts to shove Michael Biehn down America's throat).

The problem with Michael Biehn is that he just isn't very good, his best work as Johnny Ringo notwithstanding.

[dfwgator]

I didn’t go to the movies to watch Titanic though I did watch it and it was ok.

After the first ten minutes, I'm thinking, "Just Sink Already!"

[NaughtiusMaximus]

Typical libdhimmi plot though, savages wonderful but need white liberal leadership to fully actuallize their wonderfulness, almost the entire plot line of a useless liberal life.

After years of having their economies undermined by self annointed "Dances with Wolves" types, the Hopi and Navaho tribes have ordered all Greens and Enviros to pack up their 1964 Microbusses and leave their reservations. I wish I could slip a newsreel into the front of Avatar.

[Maelstorm]

I do agree with the story’s primary premise. The Natives own the land and have a right to defend it. If it were just about property rights and defending what is your own rather than just the simpleton idea that “just because we run around in loin cloths makes me right” and “corporations and the military are evil” then it wouldn’t be so bad. However this isn’t a new tack with Cameron nor original.

[RikaStrom]

LOL, this guy doesn’t hold back, but for the love of all that’s holy, “unobtanium”?

What is this The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra with it’s “atmosphereum”.

[Landru]

"Have fun."

That'd be the intent. LOL

"I hate movie theaters...Can’t smoke...Can’t drink"

Depends what'cha want to drink and/or smoke, steph.

"Too many a holes"

No argument from me, there. LOL
However we've found there're still a few smaller theaters around offering matinees. During the week M-Fri they're quiet, while those who are there are always older, more civilized & quiet during the show. As it should be.

Now...is there anything worth the time & money is another issue. LOL
I'd thought IF we see this motion picture it'd be on the big screen for full impact. Like LOTR, Star Bores etc?

1776 said: "I wasn’t aware it was a girl flick movie."

Is it?
Pray-tell. ;^)

[TC Rider]

This exact thing was done better, and with infinitely more scabrous self-awareness, in an episode of "Futurama" called "Where the Buggalo Roam"--

I loved that episode.

Does anyone else see plot lines from Dune?

[Rummyfan]

I am a big fan of the first two Aliens Movies but I’ve just not been impressed with a lot of Cameron’s stuff.

The first ALIEN was directed by Ridley Scott. It established him as a top director.

Personally, I think Cameron's best was TRUE LIES. The first TERMINATOR was very good too, for straight-up action. But TITANIC? Couldn't sit through the whole thing. Cameron is technically brilliant, but he has all emotional subtlety of a Louisville Slugger.